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Having recently split from my long term relationship and re-entered the scary world of single life again I have had time to think about love and ladyboys and what it takes to make it work. Its just not the same as any other relationship as far as I can see: the odds of failure seem daunting for many reasons.
But I still believe it can work.
I wrote a long email to a Pinay Ladyboy who was also asking the same questions.
I have cleaned up the grammar and spelling (mostly.) It appears below:
Transsexuals and the Men Who Love Them; Doomed to Failure?
I was perched on the crapper when I had the following thought:
The odds of a men who is attracted to Genetic Girls falling in love with a sex worker as a potential partner would be miniscule; a fraction of a percent of all dateable women between 18 and 60. (And no, although cynics would say all women get paid for sex one way or another, we are only discussing professionals in this essay.)
The odds of a gay men falling in love with a sex worker would be higher than the above, but still reasonably insignificant, if reasonable insignificance isn€™t oxymoronic.
The odds of a man who is only attracted to TS falling in love with a sex worker (don't ask for pure facts here, this is after only an essay and a best guess) would be comparatively high: I would guess about a 1 in 3. Or at least it appears that way to me.
Looking at it from the feminine perspective:
The odds of a hetero woman falling in love with a man-whore would be so small I would say it would be more likely she would win the lottery.
The odds of a lesbian falling for a sex worker would be substantially higher: in my night club days I was often (pleasantly) surprised at how many sex workers servicing men were actually lesbians.
The odds of a TS falling in love with a tranny-chaser who spends his time being serviced by sex workers would be very high: say 75%. Can any of the guys reading this claim to have met their first ladyboy, fallen in love and never sought out other ladyboys? Where else do you find TS, especially in the West, if not for sex workers?
Conclusion: A Long term relationship between a TS and a man is going to be a rocky road, and one filled with trust issues on both sides. So, can it work?
OK... My case. I am no different to most men. I started my awareness, then need, then acceptance of my sexuality as the usual young guy (35ish) first on the internet (God bless you Bill Gates) then, appetite whetted, with escorts. I soon found my preferred sexuality, and this was the way life was to be for me. I was still in the closet and lying to myself, and eventually to the GG I married. Trust issues....
My divorce was messy. I decided to come bouncing out of the closet with my typical decorum and diplomacy: I told my wife straight up I would love her a lot more if she had a cock. If you really want to know how to get a good arse-kicking in a western divorce do it my way. Her lawyers had me seriously fucked and looking like a pervert in front of a conservative and catholic magistrate that the one and only wife I have ever had took me to the cleaners... and you know what? I was happy... (well after I got over the shock of going from owning houses and cars to sleeping on a friends couch and riding a push bike).
But I was free to be myself, no more hiding it, no more lurking... FREEEEEE!
But life is never so easy...I had to rediscover a whole culture of people that I really didn't know, and I couldn't work out for ages why they were so mistrustful of men. Then an old TS called Carlotta ( famous in Australia: Google "Les Girls, Carlotta€ some time.) and I were sharing a few beers in a Sydney hangout called the Taxi Club. She said: "Darl, we are damaged goods. We got laughed or bullied out of school, and yet to become beautiful costs a lot of money. How do you think we go this way?" And of course where she grew up there were no circuits such as Singapore/HK/KL/BKK/Shang Hai... there were the inner city streets, and the chances of getting a kicking from drunken football players, and pimps and drugs, locked up by the police and thrown in the watch house. She made me think... And although maybe its not the same for the Asian girls there are so many similarities. Similar socio-economic backgrounds... few seem to come from Hi-So. Funny how you never seem to see TS from wealthy families. Perhaps the fear of having the inheritance removed is greater than the need to have the genitals removed.
To be a sex worker is to sell a fantasy... Men are lonely critters. We are not pack animals, regardless of what beer commercials would have you believe. Our interior darkness is wholly singular and unshared with others.
For a many men to be regular users of sex workers is for him to be a fantasist. To have a double life. If not they would not lurk; they would be out and proud...
Because its a fantasy to men, they are never wrong, never need to apologise, never need to care and never need to value the person they are interacting with. OR; they fall in love with their whore... or convince themselves they are in love. And they are MADLY in love.. right until a newer, brighter, shinier whore comes along and they forget old what€™s-her-name in the time it takes to crack on a condom. But the girls involved... maybe they were in a vulnerable place. Maybe they were lonely. Maybe they truly felt loved. And then they were abandoned... Trust issues. Men who don't turn up for appointments. Trust Issues. Men who cheat on paying. Trust issues. Men who are violent or bullies... Trust issues.
And then there are the men... Men who truly fell in love, were single and prepared to take the chance... and were scammed. One of a number of sponsors. One of a number... Men who find out the hard way they have fallen in love with someone who hates men enough to be a manipulator not only for financial gain, but because they truly hate everything men are, and are not happy until they have destroyed the poor muppet. Or how about the number of times men are treated like clients or "long time" customers, with their ladyboy GF's constantly on the look out for the next big score? Or the lies they have heard from their ladyboy GF's or the broken promises... because all men are just ATM's right? They got no hearts... There are a lot of guys hanging on the back of bedroom doors, or flying off balconies in Pattaya because they mistook a fantasy for real life... Were they foolish? Undoubtedly. Was it wrong to take everything they had then leave them destitute and heartbroken?
Of course it was.
So its looking pretty bleak right about now isn't it? How can it ever work between a TS and a man?
Love.
Trust
Open communication
An ability to forget history and look forward
The above on its own is all so much feel good bollocks. Well not complete bollocks, but it could as easily apply to house-training Fido. And we are supposedly higher up the evolutionary ladder than mutts.
Men, if they seriously want to find, love and keep a happy relationship with a TS need to look for the following in their prospective partner:
1. Clear thinking and an ability to live a life and not a Soap Opera
2. Grounded attitude: life is not always a party.
3. A girl who has been in a steady relationship before and realizes its not all about her, its about mutual support, common interests and respect.
4. A girl who has been in a steady relationship before and realizes that it is not the same as taking a customer for a "long time".
5. A girl who has been in a steady relationship, has moved on from bitterness and recrimination, has forgiven him and her self, and has her sense of self worth intact.
6. A girl who really wants to be in a steady relationship... horses and drinks.
TS, if they really want to be in a steady relationship should look for the following in their partner
1. Some moral strength: people are going to talk and gossip. This should only make him squeeze your hand tighter in public places.
2. Sense of self worth: the best defense in life is to be realistic about who you are and what you are doing.
3. A guy who has been in a relationship with a TS before. He should have learned a bit. If you are his first ever TS encounter the better you make him feel the more he will question what the other girls are like. Find one who has got it out of his system. Remember for men its like losing their virginity for the second time, and its addictive.
4. A guy who has been in a relationship before and has moved, on, forgiven him self and his partner, is not bitter, and doesn't compare you to the ex. (Unless the comparison is very favorable and vocalized.)
5. A guy who accepts that in most cases if a TS is not doing sex work she might not have a lot of work to do: so he needs to be prepared to be the bread winner for as long as it takes for a new income to evolve, if ever.
Other should haves on the list for both parties are great sex, love, trust, the ability to laugh at the same shit, at least one mutual interest and similar intellects. You can't spend all your life fucking.
So is this a recipe for a happy ever after ending? Fucked if I know.. I haven't got to the happy ending part of the story yet.
But I am working on it.
JF
But I still believe it can work.
I wrote a long email to a Pinay Ladyboy who was also asking the same questions.
I have cleaned up the grammar and spelling (mostly.) It appears below:
Transsexuals and the Men Who Love Them; Doomed to Failure?
I was perched on the crapper when I had the following thought:
The odds of a men who is attracted to Genetic Girls falling in love with a sex worker as a potential partner would be miniscule; a fraction of a percent of all dateable women between 18 and 60. (And no, although cynics would say all women get paid for sex one way or another, we are only discussing professionals in this essay.)
The odds of a gay men falling in love with a sex worker would be higher than the above, but still reasonably insignificant, if reasonable insignificance isn€™t oxymoronic.
The odds of a man who is only attracted to TS falling in love with a sex worker (don't ask for pure facts here, this is after only an essay and a best guess) would be comparatively high: I would guess about a 1 in 3. Or at least it appears that way to me.
Looking at it from the feminine perspective:
The odds of a hetero woman falling in love with a man-whore would be so small I would say it would be more likely she would win the lottery.
The odds of a lesbian falling for a sex worker would be substantially higher: in my night club days I was often (pleasantly) surprised at how many sex workers servicing men were actually lesbians.
The odds of a TS falling in love with a tranny-chaser who spends his time being serviced by sex workers would be very high: say 75%. Can any of the guys reading this claim to have met their first ladyboy, fallen in love and never sought out other ladyboys? Where else do you find TS, especially in the West, if not for sex workers?
Conclusion: A Long term relationship between a TS and a man is going to be a rocky road, and one filled with trust issues on both sides. So, can it work?
OK... My case. I am no different to most men. I started my awareness, then need, then acceptance of my sexuality as the usual young guy (35ish) first on the internet (God bless you Bill Gates) then, appetite whetted, with escorts. I soon found my preferred sexuality, and this was the way life was to be for me. I was still in the closet and lying to myself, and eventually to the GG I married. Trust issues....
My divorce was messy. I decided to come bouncing out of the closet with my typical decorum and diplomacy: I told my wife straight up I would love her a lot more if she had a cock. If you really want to know how to get a good arse-kicking in a western divorce do it my way. Her lawyers had me seriously fucked and looking like a pervert in front of a conservative and catholic magistrate that the one and only wife I have ever had took me to the cleaners... and you know what? I was happy... (well after I got over the shock of going from owning houses and cars to sleeping on a friends couch and riding a push bike).
But I was free to be myself, no more hiding it, no more lurking... FREEEEEE!
But life is never so easy...I had to rediscover a whole culture of people that I really didn't know, and I couldn't work out for ages why they were so mistrustful of men. Then an old TS called Carlotta ( famous in Australia: Google "Les Girls, Carlotta€ some time.) and I were sharing a few beers in a Sydney hangout called the Taxi Club. She said: "Darl, we are damaged goods. We got laughed or bullied out of school, and yet to become beautiful costs a lot of money. How do you think we go this way?" And of course where she grew up there were no circuits such as Singapore/HK/KL/BKK/Shang Hai... there were the inner city streets, and the chances of getting a kicking from drunken football players, and pimps and drugs, locked up by the police and thrown in the watch house. She made me think... And although maybe its not the same for the Asian girls there are so many similarities. Similar socio-economic backgrounds... few seem to come from Hi-So. Funny how you never seem to see TS from wealthy families. Perhaps the fear of having the inheritance removed is greater than the need to have the genitals removed.
To be a sex worker is to sell a fantasy... Men are lonely critters. We are not pack animals, regardless of what beer commercials would have you believe. Our interior darkness is wholly singular and unshared with others.
For a many men to be regular users of sex workers is for him to be a fantasist. To have a double life. If not they would not lurk; they would be out and proud...
Because its a fantasy to men, they are never wrong, never need to apologise, never need to care and never need to value the person they are interacting with. OR; they fall in love with their whore... or convince themselves they are in love. And they are MADLY in love.. right until a newer, brighter, shinier whore comes along and they forget old what€™s-her-name in the time it takes to crack on a condom. But the girls involved... maybe they were in a vulnerable place. Maybe they were lonely. Maybe they truly felt loved. And then they were abandoned... Trust issues. Men who don't turn up for appointments. Trust Issues. Men who cheat on paying. Trust issues. Men who are violent or bullies... Trust issues.
And then there are the men... Men who truly fell in love, were single and prepared to take the chance... and were scammed. One of a number of sponsors. One of a number... Men who find out the hard way they have fallen in love with someone who hates men enough to be a manipulator not only for financial gain, but because they truly hate everything men are, and are not happy until they have destroyed the poor muppet. Or how about the number of times men are treated like clients or "long time" customers, with their ladyboy GF's constantly on the look out for the next big score? Or the lies they have heard from their ladyboy GF's or the broken promises... because all men are just ATM's right? They got no hearts... There are a lot of guys hanging on the back of bedroom doors, or flying off balconies in Pattaya because they mistook a fantasy for real life... Were they foolish? Undoubtedly. Was it wrong to take everything they had then leave them destitute and heartbroken?
Of course it was.
So its looking pretty bleak right about now isn't it? How can it ever work between a TS and a man?
Love.
Trust
Open communication
An ability to forget history and look forward
The above on its own is all so much feel good bollocks. Well not complete bollocks, but it could as easily apply to house-training Fido. And we are supposedly higher up the evolutionary ladder than mutts.
Men, if they seriously want to find, love and keep a happy relationship with a TS need to look for the following in their prospective partner:
1. Clear thinking and an ability to live a life and not a Soap Opera
2. Grounded attitude: life is not always a party.
3. A girl who has been in a steady relationship before and realizes its not all about her, its about mutual support, common interests and respect.
4. A girl who has been in a steady relationship before and realizes that it is not the same as taking a customer for a "long time".
5. A girl who has been in a steady relationship, has moved on from bitterness and recrimination, has forgiven him and her self, and has her sense of self worth intact.
6. A girl who really wants to be in a steady relationship... horses and drinks.
TS, if they really want to be in a steady relationship should look for the following in their partner
1. Some moral strength: people are going to talk and gossip. This should only make him squeeze your hand tighter in public places.
2. Sense of self worth: the best defense in life is to be realistic about who you are and what you are doing.
3. A guy who has been in a relationship with a TS before. He should have learned a bit. If you are his first ever TS encounter the better you make him feel the more he will question what the other girls are like. Find one who has got it out of his system. Remember for men its like losing their virginity for the second time, and its addictive.
4. A guy who has been in a relationship before and has moved, on, forgiven him self and his partner, is not bitter, and doesn't compare you to the ex. (Unless the comparison is very favorable and vocalized.)
5. A guy who accepts that in most cases if a TS is not doing sex work she might not have a lot of work to do: so he needs to be prepared to be the bread winner for as long as it takes for a new income to evolve, if ever.
Other should haves on the list for both parties are great sex, love, trust, the ability to laugh at the same shit, at least one mutual interest and similar intellects. You can't spend all your life fucking.
So is this a recipe for a happy ever after ending? Fucked if I know.. I haven't got to the happy ending part of the story yet.
But I am working on it.
JF
Yeah and I wonder why I get haemorrhoids. Still the great thing about loving ladyboys is there are plenty of willing helpers to pack them for me.... 
I'll get my coat!
TEXASMAC
And write a book please, there's over a million potential male visitors to Thailand in need of your knowledge.
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