Loving Long Term with Ladyboys. Possible?

[f0xxee]

(pacman @ Jun. 10 2012,13:36) Except I am in farangland & don't have your opportunities. I would be tickled if anyone called me "hansum" with declarations of"lub". I accept the insincerity & the motivation of a LOS girl looking for a fast buck but it is one of those silly things you don't miss until you never hear it. And no, I am not so desperate that I want to kid myself, I always enjoyed banter with Thai P4P workers of all sexes.

Agreed Paccie. I used to love the banter and the bullshit. It was part of the holiday, part of the experience. I have a friend in Hua Hin, Cindy who works at the White House Bar (which is actually si som... only in Thailand) in Soi 80. She is a big stylish and really funny ladyboy. Sitting having a drink with her as she verbally entices the punters into the bar with "Hello Falang, I love you!" and the look on the faces of the passing punters is priceless.

I think its generational. A 30 year old ladyboy tends to treat you less like a cookie-cutter falang than those fresh from the paddies.(Hmmmm. Maybe its a english vocabulary thing too in hindsight, the mud ducks don't have the vocabulary the older girls do. Am I arguing with myself???) The older ladyboys I think size up their punters and listen and are attuned to what buttons to push. More subtle and discerning about what might part you from your money. The younger ones are still working out the manoeuvres.

But you are right, its all in good fun.

[f0xxee]

Hey Rx, looking forward to more from you on this topic.. would like to hear the opinions of a few of the others too. What ever happened to Titian? He must be over a year into his relationship by now....

[rxpharm]

f0xxee, work is getting in the way. Funny isn't it?

However, I agree with most of what you've posted. In my case it's more difficult as it is a long distance relationship - with all the risks and dangers that entails.

I've had 2 serious long term relationships with lbs over the past 12 years. The first one lasted from 1999 - 2004. The current one started in 2007 and is still ongoing.

I'll go into more details with later posts, but suffice to say, that I prefer the relationship mode, despite its challenges and problems to the serial monger routine.

[TEXASMAC]

I do find it somewhat depressing that your Long Distance Relationships have lasted longer than my marriage.

[f0xxee]

(TEXASMAC @ Jun. 11 2012,12:21)  I do find it somewhat depressing that your Long Distance Relationships have lasted longer than my marriage.

Tex,

For what it's worth my marriage to the GG lasted 2 years and 2 days. Both my ladyboy LTR's have lasted longer than my marriage to the GG.

As as wise (and cynical/misogynistic) friend of mine once famously asked; "How can you trust something that bleeds 4 days a month and won't fuckin' die?"

[pacman]

Two years, two days & she cleaned you out?      

Fuck! She either had a brilliant lawyer or that judge absolutely hated you.

Or did you turn up to court wearing a T-shirt with the time honoured slogan: "It's not really rape if you yell Surprise!" ?

[f0xxee]

(pacman @ Jun. 11 2012,13:53) Or did you turn up to court wearing a T-shirt with the time honoured slogan: "It's not really rape if you yell Surprise!" ?          

Paccie you know the Family Court and Divorce lawyers in Aus are staffed by angry man haters on behalf of angry man-haters.
Consider I was away at work, she took out a restraining order. (and remember any woman who takes out a restraining order on her husband is immediately granted the house to live and its up to the man at great expense to fight the restraining order and more than likely loose. How can you prove you are not violent? How can you prove you are in the right?)
She then had the computers, phone bills, hard drives, and everything else pointing to the fact I was a pervert who likes ladyboys. (in the eyes of the man-hating lesbots of the courts)
SO: You can fight the restraining order at great expense. If you fight it and lose, you are then recorded as having a record of proven violence. Most chose to leave it uncontested.
Secondly, she has the house and contents with the RO. You have to then go to court to fight for what is yours. She gets legal aid, you don't. Guess who looses even if they win?
And lastly you have the divorce settlement. It works out the more you fight the more it costs you and you can't win anyhow.

Women. Fuck em. But not with my dick.

[pacman]

A fair assumption to draw from your experience is that the Family Court regards liking transexuals as something akin to child molesting.

It must have been excruciating having to sit & listen to tales of your debauchery when they were trying to extrapolate your use of phone services & viewing of websites as proof of your evil-ness.

Of all the hypocritical & sanctimonious law courts in which one could find themself judged, the Family Court must be the worst. Thank god there were no children or else you would still be paying for her lifestyle.

At least there's no danger of any of our katoey friends getting in the family way...

[TEXASMAC]

Boy, I thought I was over the divorce and all the crap till I read this post. Major flashback.

[rxpharm]

f0xxee, sorry to hear about the ordeal you went through during your divorce! Really a terrible situation.

TM, sometimes life works out differently than we expect, when it comes to relationships.

Something that still reverberates in my memories from my ex-gf was her statement that she never wanted to be poor again. She grew up in Udon Thani, helping her family with the rice farm. She ran away to Pattaya when she was 16, as her father didn't accept her as an LB, and of course learned the ins and outs of p4p during her time there.

By the time I met her in 1999, she had earned a good amount of Baht, having her her SRS operation and breast implants done. She had started building a new house for her family as well as sending them monthly support.

Another thing that struck me was she never used the usual "love you, handsome man" talk that is so prevalent with the bar girls.

It's easy to dismiss many things the ladies say as "lies" calculated to extract the maximum amount of baht from us - however, if you ever do take the time to get to know them, and let them know you - it is possible to have a relationship with one - albeit with the difficulties and challenges f0xxee pointed out so well.

To be continued . . .

[TEXASMAC]

I may seem cynical, but I do believe in RELATIONSHIPS, what I dont beleive in is LOVE. Whether LB or GG, it seems to be about a trade. But honestly I am good with that.

[pacman]

      Hear, hear!!

I agree with the Asian philosophy that marrying for "love" is absurd. Everyone knows those first feelings of love are very powerful & we have all experienced them at various times. Those who marry their "soulmate" are very lucky but for the rest of us, best to seek out someone we really like as a friend, someone who will have our respect through good times & bad.

RX's comment about his ex-GF saying she never wanted to be poor again is at the heart of what motivates so many of our P4P friends.

I saw a guy on a doco about Asian brides saying he fell in love with his wife the moment he met her. And then he said the most incredibly naive thing - he said it took her several hours before she knew she loved him. She may grow to love him over time if he treats her well but this young village girl faced with this ugly old man patently did not love this guy.

All girls dream of the romantic situation where the handsome Prince sweeps her away in a blaze of passion but for a girl working the rice paddies, it is a longshot. Poor villagers are grounded in reality having to live with the consequences of their poverty every day of their lives. So when this girl faced her suitor, she was going to say whatever it took to keep him interested.

And that's fine but how can anyone be so dumb to believe it? And then I looked at the westerner again & realised he had never had a girlfriend in his life & he wasn't about to let the truth deny him the fantasy he had harboured for the past 40 years.

I think his need to be loved was so great that when she smiled & appeared interested, years of frustration burst out & he seized his moment. Just like 1000's of lonely men do every year in Thailand & other SE Asian countries.

I am not suggesting that every LTR is based on a lie, far from it, but some of these guys are racing head first into trouble. And you can't tell them anything, I know, I've tried.

[Torurot]

"A fool & his money". A healthy dose of realism and scepticism in any of these relationships is in order, just as it would be "at home".. Getting your girl out of Thailand for a while, although difficult could be worthwhile to see how they react. Nothing like seeing a fish out of it's usual surroundings to see how things hang. We often hear that the ONLY way is for Farang to live in Thailand. Somehow that does not seem reasonable for many of us.

[f0xxee]

Believe it or not I tend to agree with most of what is written above regarding romantic love. Its seems to me the platonic variety can last a life time, the romantic variety is really a DNA driven hormonal imbalance occurring purely to get you to dump your lonely baby-jam in some moist and fecund hottie. And the reason wild romantic love changes to "ah... whatever" after a couple of years is the hormones have changed and are signalling its time to go plant the seed elsewhere.

HOWEVER (You knew that was coming didn't you?) I think the love I want and have found before is more a mutual trust, respect care and genuine friendship. i.e, its platonic. When i met my ex GF she and I were not in love with each other. But we did move in together. I reckon the love took a year to build, and it was never what Hollywood would describe as "Romantic". It was far more platonic, a genuine friendship. Great trust (still unbroken). And this is what in my opinion Paccie is alluding to above. You chose your partner pragmatically based on mutual wants and needs (or your parents do) and the platonic love grows over time.

And in the end it is why even after 6 months apart we are still civil and care for each other.

Forget Romantic Love. Bollocks. It's nothing more than your DNA looking to squirt in the dirt.

[Torurot]

Pragmatic as ever... People new to Thailand, or any where out of their normal "hood" should be "forced" to read this stuff!