THE UGLY PART.

[gunslinger]

It seems whether this sort of thing works or not depends on the guy. Maybe having to pay your...ahem.... "wife"" a salary forces it to work but really it could just mean its a total and utter charade.

[jellybean]

PM, Thanks for sharing, I hope you can still get things resolved if you want to. Money is the root of all evil eh!

I think it has been good for Kai to come over to Scotland as she has been able to see that living here is expensive compared to Thailand, she has been able to see my standard of living and has accepted it and adapted to it. additionally she has not had her friends tempting her to come out, although she does have a friend in Amsterdam, that invited her to come over and they can "go sell" The only times when Kai does get down is when I am away working. I think like any relationship being there for each other is critical to it being successful. If you don't mind me asking, what proportion of the time would say you were away from Bow?

Cheers
JB.

[Stewart]

she has been able to see that living here is expensive compared to Thailand,

Damn right....how much is a fried mars bar supper nowadays back home?

[stogie bear]

Thais will happily eat a fried Mars Bar if it's got an egg on it!

[TTChang]

(kahuna @ Dec. 17 2007,12:28) ...Most all of us who are willing to admit it, have had or are having or trying to have or dreaming of having a relationship with one of these girls......

Well i'm certainly not going to admit to that - I'm a reformed character  

Thank you PM for sharing this stuff with us - it SHOULD make all of us (even Kahuna) think twice.   Actually Kahuns knows the answer as he used the 'great reminder' words  

 I am just a customer

Now stop dreaming, TTChang    

[Ladyboy_Loser!]

Sorry Jellybean in getting back to answering your question at this late date. I took a few days off and went to Portland, Oregon to visit some friends. Man, it was cold, raining and windy everyday but that was a nice change of pace for me.
Anyhow, I have to admit to not spending enough time with Bow this past year. When I sold my home there was a lot of things that I needed to take care of and there was the matter of where I was going to invest my money. Then the details of getting my retirement pensions in order were a royal pain in the ass. I would spend a month in our home in Surin then return to California for up to six weeks. When I bought her the shop the plan was for her to have something to occupy her time, show some responsibility and not worry and miss me so much. That plan was going along without a problem. When I was there and during the times when money was not an issue we were happy and never had harsh words. I never worried about her, her sister would stay with her for three nights and her Mama was there at least five days a week. We talked two or three times a day and I trusted her without doubt or hesitation.
I really don't think my being away was an issue for us. Maybe some of the guys can give their opinion but for me it all boiled down to her telling me that I did not love her enough by taking care of her like some of her friends said they were being taken of. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

[johnlbx]

PM, when I read your story I see that you've spent a lot of time and money on this girl and that you had committed to be with her for a long time.

Then one month she spends her allowance foolishly and the inevitable argument ensues, and you just throw away the whole relationship. It seems like a huge overreaction on your part and it seems to this reader that you were looking for a way out of this relationship and just used this argument as an excuse.

You said that she said you weren't taking care of her and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Well it shouldn't have. It's common for people in relationships to say things like that. The correct response is "yes I do take care of you. I may not be as rich as your friend's boyfriend but I take care of you as best I can".

Then you give her the out: "Are you going to finish me [as they say in Thailand for 'break up']?

If she says "yes" then you're free again and you don't have to look for revenge on her part since she broke up with you. If she says "No" then she is saying that you really do take care of her.

[Socrates999]

johnlbx-

Absolutely reasonable and logical.

That's exactly why your argument is void in Thailand.

[Otho]

Hi all.

Being new to the forum I only just read this thread and was really sorry to hear how it all fell apart for you Pogue Mahone in just a couple of phone calls. There has been a lot of very valuable and wise comment which has been educational for me to read.

I just thought I'd give this thread a bump and ask if there have been any developments.

Cheers and good luck.

[si geena]

Think PM's back in Thailand, Surin I hear.

I'm more interested in Jellybean's developments now. How's everything going? Does Kai like the breeze yet?

[manarak]

Well, from everything I could hear and read here and in other places, it seems like money is always a component when marrying a thai.
The best case seems to be when money is not the only or main component of a marriage deal, but in any case, it still remains necessary.

I married outside my cultural circle as well, and when her mother wants to do something like redo some painting on their house's walls or something silly, I appear heartless to her when I don't give the money.

When it comes to savings, my wife's family tends to have none, i.e. to spend all the money as soon as they get it, and to make debts when they are in need.
And when they are in need they expect you to support their unresponsible behavior by supporting them.
I guess the same is true in for thais.

My advice here is to remain evasive about savings or money in general, and to give them as few information as possible, and even lie about what you earn and own.

If asked, your house is rented, your car is leased, you pay high tax, high rent, high insurance fees, etc.
If you live together hide the existence of some accounts from her. You will appear all the more goodhearted if you sacrifice all your apparent money when your assistance is really needed.

On the other hand, one has to remember that Bargirls and LBs in Thailand earn lots more than most workers and support their family.
This support has to continue and even increase so that they can boast about it.
In other words, their "allowance" has to be more than they could make in the bar. 40 or 50k THB a month seems reasonable for starters.
In my opinion, they can be compared to high-maintenance girls/wives in Europe or the US (but they cost much less of course).
So one should really only consider such a relationship if he's ready to pay the price. Just expect that it will sum up to 1,5k or 2k USD a month.

In summary:
- be prepared to maintain your girl/wife with much more than you planned
- hide your accounts, savings and house/land deeds from her!

P.S. I have been happily married for 8 years, and we now have 2 kids. Slowly, over time, the "spend it all" mentality does change.

[D_tuck]

@PogueMahone, unfortunate incident... leaves a bitter taste I guess but hey the world moves on

Not sure if you guys have had the opportunity to read this E-Book before... download the attachment.

A must read

[Ladyboy_Loser!]

In my opinion that book justs panders to all the worst fears that we have told about regarding Thai ladys/lb's. Sure there are some things in it that ring true but for the most part but if one is serious about any long term relationship then the ONLY book to read is THAILAND FEVER. Until you understand the Thai female thinking process you are just pissing into a hurricane.

[daveduke007]

(D_tuck @ May 29 2008,18:52) @PogueMahone, unfortunate incident... leaves a bitter taste I guess but hey the world moves on  

Not sure if you guys have had the opportunity to read this E-Book before... download the attachment.

A must read  

I actually purchased this book from a 7-ELEVEN the day before my departure back to the UK with the intention of reading it on the plane but "alas" never did  

[janabiyah]

Hi PM,

Thanks for sharing your story, I was fascinated by the way events turned out.

Could only imagine the poor girl had probably increased hormones with the SRS coming up.

Best of luck for the future and enjoy your life in LOS.

OK, I know you will.