My favorite irish/Aussie/Pommy/Kiwi Joke

[seanbeag7]

A patent runs into the doctors

'Doctor doctor i've got a problem'

the dotor looks at him ' what's wrong?'

'i've got a starwberry stuck up my bum'

the doctor says. 'i've got some cream for that .'

[seanbeag7]

Man goes to Doctor saying he has a problem with his sex life. Doctor tells him to summarise a day in his life
He says well I wake up early have a quick screw with my wife, then have breakfast and a shag and off to work where I normally have a quick bonk with the my receptionist, go down to the typing pool for a quick play with a typist and then home to wife for a quick shag and lunch. Back to work, normally have a screw or too with a few clients and one of the partners wives then home for a quick shag before tea, then get to bed early for a proper love making session with my dearest.
Doctor (Overworked /burnt out ) suggests that this does'nt sound too bad really.
He says Maybe not but it gets really sore when masturbating.

[Bicycle Pump]

Did you hear about the two Australians who flew into Phuket for a holiday?

One said to the other...

"Hey... How about we stay sober and try not to piss everyone off by acting like a pair of total cunts?"

[Bicycle Pump]

Did you hear about the deaf ladyboy lover?

I said DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DEAF LADYBOY LOVER?

[daveduke007]

Funny Man

[whore]

A ladyboy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing only cling film as shorts and the psychiatrist said, well I can clearly see your nuts.

[anthony70]

(Bicycle Pump! @ Sep. 16 2009,08:23) Did you hear about the two Australians who flew into Phuket for a holiday?

One said to the other...

"Hey... How about we stay sober and try not to piss everyone off by acting like a pair of total cunts?"

two aussies in phucket.
"fancy dressing up a bit tonight mate, try and pull some pommie chicks?"
"yep, i,ll sort out my best boardies and flip flops".

[f0xxee]

You're making these up as you go, right Anthony?

(And we call them thongs.)

[f0xxee]

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.



As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..



She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'



He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'



She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think? about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'



The two sat sipping in silence.



A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'



He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

[seanbeag7]

I like that one.

[anthony70]

best joke i heard in oz.

an aussie spotted an aboriginal walking the street with only one thong on.
he said, "yo mate, you lost one of your thongs"
the abo replied, "na mate, i found one."

[daveduke007]

An Aussie Farmer walks past his mate with a Sheep under each arm

His mate inquires "Are you Shearing mate?"

"No way, I'm fucking them both" came the reply


Sorry, I thought it amusing  

[seanbeag7]

I thought only Welsh guys said that

[f0xxee]

Ok... Its not a joke, and perhaps it's because I am having a hard day at the office but....

[donnykey]

(daveduke007 @ Sep. 17 2009,07:07) An Aussie Farmer walks past his mate with a Sheep under each arm

His mate inquires "Are you Shearing mate?"

"No way, I'm fucking them both" came the reply


Sorry, I thought it amusing    

Actually duke it's a New zealand farmer ....shearing is how the kiwis pronounce sharing...thats the joke....jing jing...Cheers DK