Who here has dumped their wife...

[kahuna]

What a bunch of whiners...

If you were too dumb to find out what the rules were before you started playing the game...you shouldn't have played...

So now you don't like the game any longer and you want to take the ball and go home to mama...The ball dosen't belong to you any longer...you gotta share...Can't change the rules just cause your losing the game...

It never ceases to amaze me that folks refuse to take responsibility for themselves and their actions...

[stogie bear]

hear what you can do have her leve every thing to her pet then when she die you get the pet and doing so only you get the pet and no 1 but you then the bicrh cant get shit but if yore in thailand it not mater she cant get the money if you leve her well thats is what i have ben told may be im wroung

Nurse!

It never ceases to amaze me that folks refuse to take responsibility for themselves and their actions...

Funny - it never ceases to amaze me that guys will just waste their lives doing what is expected of them and are too spineless or handcuffed to break out and escape from their so called 'responsibilities!'

What does Bob actually owe his wife? They've lived together for 5 years and that's that... I'm betting she's had a pretty comfy ride for that time, but does he owe her the rest of his life? Is it his responsibility to keep her in a certain lifestyle after the love has evaporated?

I disagree that men owe a lifeline of comfort to women on the strength of an existing relationship.

I think that Bob is gonna have to bite the bullet on this one though and for his own sanity and for the sake of the rest of his life he may have to start over from scratch...

For me - I am with someone for how they are at that time... If they change by getting fat or becoming whiney bitches then they have broken an unwritten contract with me and don't deserve me anymore.

Yep - it sounds arrogant, but that's the way I am. It's my way or piss off! Err, and if you won't go then I will!

[kahuna]

I'm not suggesting he shouldn't get a divorce...I'm living proof that you can get out and live a happy life...

I made the wrong choice just as he did and you did and thouands of others did...But I didn't blame her or the system or the rules because I fucked up and made a poor decision...I accepted the responsibility of my choice...

I didn't like the rules either...and it certainly doesn't matter shit that I disagree with them...But I knew what they were before I made my choice and started playing the game so I couldn't very well bitch about them after the fact...

And I happily started over from scratch with nothing...and so here I am...broker but a little bit wiser and a whole lot happier...And this life too is my choice...

[Guest]

I don't think I've blamed her or the system, Kahuna. I've simply said I want to get out of my marriage still owning my house. And for that, I'll give her all liquid assets. Seems fair to me considering I've worked my ass off fixing up the house, paid the mortgage, fixed shit that breaks while she treats it like a fancy hotel.

I admit I made a mistake marrying her and I also realize I might not get to keep my house, but in the end I'll be better off, both emotionally and financially. I started this thread asking if anybody has gotten through a divorce without losing everything they worked for, not as platform to bitch about the system. If people want to do that, it doesn't matter to me. But I'm not bitching. There are far worse situations than the one I'm in.

[kahuna]

I lost my house...well, I didn't actually lose it...I know where it is...It's just not mine any more...

But it's just stuff and stuff can be replaced...

Good luck to you Bob...I truly hope your next choice is better than your first...

[TTChang]

(kahuna @ Jun. 24 2007,21:18) I lost my house...well, I didn't actually lose it...I know where it is...It's just not mine any more...  But it's just stuff and stuff can be replaced...

Exactly.....

Got dumped - but she did me a favour - only it took me a few years to realise that!  When i discovered LOS

[Naja Tom]

Bob, if you want to save the house for yourself, then go consult with someone..an attorney or divorce mediator..and go over how and what you would propose to your wife to make up for what she would get out of the house.

In Calif., basically what's going to happen is they will look at ALL the assets...retirement, savings, checking, house, cars...anything that is worth money. put the value on it and split that value down the middle. You add it all up and whoever is on the short end gets some of the other side's to make it equal.

I don't think I saw, does your wife work and if she does, does she make more than you, less than you, a lot less?? Even at five years of marriage, if she could still end up with spousal support for awhile. In Calif. there is a thing called "standard of living" and she is entitled to be able to live as nicely as you did when married. Ya, I know, it sucks!!

I am not an attorney, but I worked as a court reporter for over 20 years in the Ventura County courts in Ventura and am doing the same thing here in NC. And we reported divorce court so I know how the laws there work and what's going to happen.

If you can get her to not fight you realizing that if you can use a mediator with a fixed price and NOT pay lawyers, you both will come out with much more in your pockets. The lawyers will drag it out, file motions, this and that, subpoena bank accounts, everything just to drive up their fee.

So the two best ways to go about it in my view is sit down and talk to her, tell her you want out, that you are willing to split what you have down the middle BUT would like to use a mediator who is usually an attorney so you both save a bundle of money OR consult someone, draw up the agreement yourselves outlining everything, sign it in front of a notary and file it. You get the same result, the same split, the same outcome. If she turns into a raving bitch, well, then good luck because you will spend a fortune in legal fees. Really, though, if she won't fight you hard, a mediator would be best financially.

Oh, any kids of the marriage? You'll pay until they are 18 and sometimes they try to sneak in that you will help pay for college. Don't EVER agree to do that in a court order. You can still do it on your own when the time comes but don't agree to have that put in any child support order if you have kids.

Good luck!!!!

[Guest]

Hey Bob, Just wanted to say I love the name Bob Dobbs. That wouldn't happen to be J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, would it?

I was lucky enough that my marriage when I was 19 just didn't work out because we grew up to be different people, but we didn't hate each other. When we moved after my military time was up, she went to her mom's house back home, and I went to my parents house. She had very little money coming into the marriage, I gave her my older car, and kept the newer one, which was fair. I agreed to pay off two of the credit cards, which I had spent most of the money on. We owned no home, and we just divided up furniture and stuff by agreement. No kids.

I would suggest two things: 1) Pick up a copy of Dr' Laura's books "The proper care and feeding of husbands", and 2) "The proper care and feeding of marriage".
I know a lot of people hate Dr. Laura, I'm about 50/50 myself, but these books are great. They have changed the way I act as a man in a relationship.

Read those two books yourself. Don't try to shove them on your wife, or even ask her to read them. Simply read them yourself and leave them laying around. See if she picks them up. If after reading them, and possibly her reading them, and you haven't changed your mind, then next step...

3) Sit down with your wife at the table and simply ask her what she wants out of your life together. If you don't get a satisfactory conversation out of this, then proceed to divorce.

I would advise forgetting about the house entirely. The reason being that anything you love or hold on to gives her power. Be a buddhist monk, willing to give up anything, aim for equallity, not specifics. Get the best deal possible. Talk with her, just yourself first, ask her what is a fair seperation. If what the two of you agree on sounds good, write it down on paper. Take it to a lawyer the next day and ask him to write it up. Of course if she proceeds to make a bunch of crazy demands, then just jump straight to getting your own lawyer.

You won't want the memories of that house. And based on knowing you are the kind of guy who likes to fix up a house, I know you will enjoy as part of your healing process, creating the next place you will live and making it your freedom castle.

Good luck.

[moe666]

What ever you do donot set around thinking about it, shit or get off the pot.

[Guest]

Thanks for all the tips, guys. The more I look into this, the more I understand I should keep my mouth shut on forums like this, so I'm going to lurk for a while. I'll update the thread when things are settled. If anybody else has some words of wisdom, please post.

[tigerxxx]

After reading most of the posts on this subject I was surprised that nobody mentioned who got the kids-if any. Or did everyone let the wifey take the kids?