Supporting the family

[jaymee]

Its difficult to understand them unless you're asian - maybe for me at least chinese.

I think - like asians can never get proper advice on how to deal with parents from a westerner - since in the same vein, we can't relate to western folks.

Chinese men for instance are not only expected to take care of their family, but for their parents as well. Its not unthinkable for the oldest son to stay with parents even after marriage.

It is not uncommon too, that the oldest daughter (unmarried) would take care of her parents.

Taking care of parents would of course mean shouldering the mantle of sending siblings to college etc. I think thats why Asians study really hard, because we like to reduce the financial burden on the main breadwinners. I would feel obligated as well if my family needed my support.

YMMV, being from a rich family undoubtedly changes the equation.

This practice has similar parrallels throughout asian society. So I'm not totally surprised at the thai style of things.

[dummy_plug]

Thanks to all who responded and provided their input - there's been some really good stuff here.

To clarify, I'm asking about this for a friend hehe...

[dummy_plug]

(rxpharm @ Oct. 23 2008,03:47) This discussion is going to very interesting areas - but I think the answer to donnny's question is: Thai men are expected to marry and have a family. Therefore they become responsible to support their own family and less or no support for their parents.

Thai lbs are not expected to marry or have a family - so therefore they have a greater responsibility to support the parents.

Rossco's point about lack of social services is quite true and often we in countries that have them take this for granted and don't factor this in relationships with ggs or lbs where this is not available.

I thought that was a really great point you brought up Rxpharm. As LBs are not expected to marry or have their own families, I do feel like a bigger burden is placed on them to care for their parents and family. Whether or not this forces some to seek P4P as a means, I'm not sure.

Some may say this is bollocks, but in my own situation, I recognized I would have to contribute something back to my parents and I consciously chose a profession where I would be better suited financially to do so.

I also do think Thais are capable of love in a psuedo-Western sense. Love is a human trait that while morphed by cultural differences, remains true at the core. Perhaps many of us have been jaded by experiences with P4P LBs (although not all P4P LBs are bad) or just plain rotten LBs who were not P4P, I've met at least three ladyboys who I think "get" the Western value of love and can demonstrate it.

[jaymee]

(jimslim @ Oct. 23 2008,03:46) Everyone is capable of love the world over , Thais are no different nor are they hard -hearted , as Stogie pointed out they are great opportunists , and a farang who is throwing his money about like confetti in a bar must represent great opportunity.

Rossco makes some interesting points , they do see us as very rich , they don't understand our countries or culture .

I'll give you an example , one ladyboy could not understand why I lived alone , why my mum lived alone , and why my brother and his wife and family also lived in their own place .

I didn't go into it in any great detail but I'm sure she thought we are all very rich or selfish , or both .

From a Thai point of view how we live our lives must seem strange to them , no wonder they love our cash  

You guys are seen to be rich in relative terms, since travelling (and tourism) to these folks who subsist 20-30k baht a month is quite the luxury.

Well the point about family structure was what I meant exactly - the only thing in common is cash.

[robbo]

appearing to be rich in relative terms.......this can be very much the case,and yes many thais cannot travel etc like we may do,but as others have pointed out here in the uk...........i work extremely hard here..............mostly just to pay the fuckin high bills its all pay pay here weather u like it or want it or not.............most of the money from my working day is gone before i see it the cost of living is so high.........and the uk is such a miserable place to live...........without putting in extra hrs at work to pay for some fun somewhere else i think id hang myself! many thais dont see or understand this side of the farangs life.there are many GG and LB whose only concept of hard work is openin their legs(or butt) after a game of jenga at the bar.

[robbo]

i am not talking about all thais.........some work extremely hard i know.

[sev7en]

(Naang Faa @ Oct. 23 2008,05:50) Complete tosh....  

Nope, it´s true.

Baht=love

[Naang Faa]

Been burnt to ashes have we se7en?
x

[robbo]

i doubt it,im afraid its not just a thai phenomenon baht= love £=love $=love..........and so on. the point i tried to make in earlier post but it seemed to go over sum heads. love what is that about eh? it comes n goes for sure ,so does the cash in your hand but at least you can control it better and it can do what it says on the tin! why do you think so many western guys come to LOS(not all), is it to find lurve?get all sweet over some bargirl? no its get live a bit of life without some scheming toad trying to squeeze there bollocks dry of cash and patience.and im not bitter!...........now where did i put that other lemon?.................

[robbo]

anyway this topic has become too deep and meangingfull for me.........as ive become such a shallow bastard like so many of us ..............im out

[sev7en]

(Naang Faa @ Oct. 23 2008,19:43)
 
    Been burnt to ashes have we se7en?
                                                              x

Nah, not too bad, just a bit. I´m just an old cynical bitter sizequeen. No problem as long as i know why she says " i love you too mutt". It´s the baht, nothing else.
Thai rak thai.

[rossco]

As you give so you shall receive...

If you treat people as meat then you are their supper - learn the way of people.

Respect is so little to give and yet it can be returned many fold.

Living here I can say that my observations are that visitors who bare little or no respect are just treated like animals because that is how they treat the people.

Yes you are lucky to visit a land where 'sex' is for sale (unlike your own country). Try and look beyond the contract. They are people with aspirations and responsibilities and commitments. Just because they do not mirror your own consumerist lifestyle does not mean that you should belittle them.

In all walks of life there are good and bad. Many P4P workers are there hoping, against hope, to improve their lifetstyle. In the West we all prostitute ourselves to work for corporations - hence the expression 'I have been shafted by my boss' - and that is not HiBoss!! We legitimise it - how goddam sad is that. Who really is in the P4P business?

[dummy_plug]

Great post Rossco. Maybe some may peg me as deluded, but I am convinced there's some in P4P who do it for valid reasons. Yes, everyone can find a job paying them 10k baht a month, but I can't blame someone too much for wanting to have nice things and a decent life. Some really do go into P4P cuz they are lazy and just want the money to buy fancy phones, drugs, or handbangs. But I think there's some legit ones too that I've seen who do it b/c they "need to". A parent has died, family debts, etc... whatever the reason.

[donnnnnny]

(Naang Faa @ Oct. 23 2008,05:50)

Thais are incapable of love the way we know it.

Complete tosh....  

Everyone is capable of love the world over , Thais are no different nor are they hard -hearted , as Stogie pointed out they are great opportunists , and a farang who is throwing his money about like confetti in a bar must represent great opportunity.

better...

Donnnnny, i think it's tradition in Thailand the youngest daughter is supposed to take over the family
home and take care of the parents..and in my experience that includes the chomisomeally challenged..
They don't all have farang boyfriends and those who do become phu yai (Big people) in the family and
it's is common practice for phu noi ( little people) to ask for financial help,and refusal causes loss of face
for phu yai.. This is the way they are regardless if a farang is in the picture or not..
It's all about status age,wealth,wisdom,race ect..
e.g I can go to a restaurant with 10 girls,being the eldest and/or wealthiest i can pick up the tab
if i wsh,If we go with a girl of comparative age and she is wealthy then it is insulting to her for me to
pick up the tab because Thai are higher ranked than me in that situation..
It's a complex society...
Rxpharm,yes non p4p are not immune.
                                                                x

yes i understand the big people and who is most money and who is richest. ever noticed when your out in a group of farangs, the oldest looking guy always get the bill given to him>?? why?? because he is the senior person, so in thai culture its there place to get the bill (gep ngun due krap)
the thais always expect the farang to pay, simple as that, as in there culture we are all million airs lmao.I still suspect that if they can get away with it the thais will milk you for the funds. de finatly in the p+p sceen and to a lees degree in the so called strait seen.
cheers the sceptic flash lol

[dummy_plug]

To be fair, most of us are millionaires comparatively to a lot of Thais. I'd wager a good number of chaps in this forum take home more than $50k USD a year (or equivalent) and I'm sure that there's a pretty decent sized group that bank double that (don't lie I know some of you who do!). That by any accounts is a good sized fortune for any Thai.

In the US, when I go out to dinner or any other activities with people who are very clearly less well off than I am economically I don't mind chipping in to pay more than my fair share or even my whole tab. Whether its to help my friend who is still an undergrad student, an unemployed friend who was laid off, or my secretary I make no qualms about it because the amount is usually pretty small.

I took my gf's family of 5 out to dinner one night at MK and the whole bill for us was $30 USD. A decent dinner out in the US would easily cost me that much, so why complain?