Supporting the family

[dummy_plug]

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has heard this line about working the bar to support their families. For argument's sake, lets forget about individual specific cases for now as I would like to seek input about the broader cultural expectations of Thai children and support for their parents.

In general, what is the expectation of someone who is 24 to 35 with regards to financial support for their family?

How much does it change over time, whether it be more or less?

What % of Thai people (not just P4P ladyboys) do you know make financial contributions to their families?

To start it off, I'll use Chinese culture as an example. After college, in general its expected that the kids kick back to their parents a bit of money as a "thanks". Ignore the rich spoiled kids here please, but the vast majority of them do so, especially within China and Hong Kong. Personally, I give my parents 10% back to help out even though they don't necessarily need it. This amount is stable until I have my own family at which time I don't need to give them anything until they start getting very old at which point I will take more charge taking care of them.

Now I've rambled on, but any insights into Thai culture with this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Naang Faa]

samneuk boon koon - an obligation of debt and appreciation especially to parents..
I think Eyemahk or Si Geena brought this up once before..

I can't think of a girl with a younger sibling who she isn't putting through University
or Nursing college in one case''
(and get very wound up if they if said sibling fails to attend or has bad marks haha)
In return,when they graduate and go to work samneuk boon koon will be returned..
In the entire group,only one girl doesn't send money home,she has a wealthy family
but it's the rod all the other girls beat her with..
x

[sev7en]

$$$$$$$$$ Nothing else..

[EyeMahk]

Naang Faa wrote a very good summary of the situation. You should take a close look at the concepts of "samneuk boon koon" and "kreng jai" and "kharma" - google them and read all you can. Every Thai person is raised with these three concepts as being the most important.

Tell the truth all the time? This is NOT a Thai value, it is western. Save face? This is a Thai value, not western.

In short, helping them to demonstrate "samneuk boon koon" will gain their respect, throwing money around like it is candy will not gain their respect. Just my opinion.

[Guest]

In my wife's case she provides money to help her family. Yeah, I give her a monthly allowance to take care of the home and the bills that come with that. If she is frugal and does not spend foolishly she always has enough to giver her Mama an Papa approx. 12000Baht a month. That helps the family a lot and pays her parents back for all they did for her. Her two brothers do not provide any financial support nor are they expected too. They both work, are married with children and take care of their wife's family. That was one of the things that I had to accept if I was going to marry a Thai, you don't just marry her, you take on the responsibility of helping her take care of her family.

[EyeMahk]

I have a lot of friends that are married to Thais, I can tell you that those that have a "successful financial relationship" with the family are those that give NOTHING directly to ANYONE in her family. If the farang wants to help, he can do it by giving the wife some money on a regular basis, then she can decide who in the family to give the money to. This saves all the drama, and if the girl has respect for the farang, she will not let her family hassle him.

If you are going to marry her, it is not too much to expect some respect from her (not her family) in return. If she is strong-willed enough to marry a farang, she is certainly capable of dealing with her family and keeping the farang out of it.

[jimslim]

Good post .

I would say the Thai concept of looking after the family financially and the version they give to farangs could have a big gap inbetween .

[bigmick22]

I don't blame them - I lie to Thais all the time

[sev7en]

(bigmick22 @ Oct. 23 2008,00:43) I don't blame them - I lie to Thais all the time

same same..

And why not? I lie to you for what??

[robbo]

what the fuck would i want to marry a thai girl for just to give her money all the time and work my ass off so as to be nice to her family and keep the peace?eh...............this dosnt happen in the west you know, may aswell marry a western girl?

[Naang Faa]

eh...............this dosnt happen in the west you know

Erm yes, thats sort of the idea of the thread!
x

[robbo]

[rossco]

Thais are old fashioned in Western terms. They treat family as "Number 1"

Their social society is based on helping each other out and supporting the family.

Each generation is duty bound to help their elder generation and they take it seriously - we do not.

As there is no socila welfare in Thailand nor public healthcare the demands can be flexable.

So each generation supports the previous generation - not under duress. Very often kids leave school early not only becasue of the cost of secondary schooling (not free) but by working they can help subsidise the family income.

So the big cities have their attraction - bigger income. In some case just income as up country there is limited employment outside farming.

Now enter Mr Falang. By comparison you are a multi millionaire with no family and no responsibilities. You are a potential ATM.

This is not meant as crude comment on Falangs but their perception of reality through their eyes.

You can pis away 1, 2, 3000 baht in a bar. Up country this may equate to a month's income for the family - now you are a multi millionaire. They have no concept of your position - you work all year for a 2/3/4 week vacation and are determined to enjoy yourself - albeit short term.

So here comes the conflict. What will you do long term? It will take many conversations to explain that your hedonistic lifestyle here in LOS is not your normal lifestyle.

Assuming you get over this barrier you are still perceived as the lender with least opposition.

The difficulty is knowing/understanding when to say "NO".

The best option is to negotiate (and I mean negotiate) a monthly allowance. That is it no more.

2 Cultures and a support system clash you need to agree the ground rules to find that middle ground that is both acceptable to you and to her.

Go back to post WW11 - many people supported their parents etc. It was traditional in the West.
Bring in Public healthcare, National Pensions, Public schooling, subsidised housing etc etc and the need, in the West, diminished.

In the West we still apy for the support of prior generations - it is called Social and Income taxes.

In Thailand you skip the tax collector and pay directly....

[Stogie]

The difficulty is knowing/understanding when to say "NO"

There it is in a nut shell...

Laying down the ground rules (you've heard me say this over the years) is the only way to enter any kind of relationship.

As for family... If you marry a Thai girl or a ladyboy, you marry their family. You can't simply cherry pick your way through the bits that you like (parties/lifestyle/protection from menaces) without chipping in for the privilege.

The perception of us is that we are stupid, reckless and rich. They will ALWAYS think this and try to take advantage of you.

Our perception of them should be that they are hospitable, friendly and opportunistic. You should always think this and try to take advantage of that knowledge.

The monthly allowance is a good idea and any extras should...

1 - ...be Your idea...

2 - ...not become regular gifts or a habit...

3 - ...not given to win approval from your spouse or her family.

[sev7en]

(Stogie @ Oct. 23 2008,02:55) The monthly allowance is a good idea and any extras should...

1 - ...be Your idea...

2 - ...not become regular gifts or a habit...

3 - ...not given to win approval from your spouse or her family.

That´s what i said, it all comes down to $$$$$$$$ one way or the other.
Thais are incapable of love the way we know it.

$= =