Should I get married or not?

[Eazy_Sleazy]

Alright, I know you've been there before...I need some LB Forum advice, fuck the lame counselors, priests, and psychologists etc. I'm 40, seasoned in all Asian countries for the last 18 yrs, been there/done that...I know what the fuck I want in life (tons of Thai pussy and LBs)...BUT need some "experienced" opinions.

2 choices for me...

1. Get married to my hot ass asian girlfriend (41 yrs old) of 3 years who treats me like a king (and her family too)...has a career job, pays our bills, cleans the house etc, has no hidden agendas or kids/luggage (and that ain't no shit) and dedicated/consistent 100% to me. It's the "dream"...proven.

2. Or...Stick with my secret addicted LB and GG life that I only know about (and never got caught) but can never quit...where there's smoke there's fire, right?

I love this lady more than anything and can't imagine living without her, but I have the LOS URGE that pre-occupies 90% of daily thoughts (for over the last 9.5 yrs). If it's not occupying my head, I'm in the LOS lying to her about where I'm at and fucking GGs and LBs left and right. So I already fucked up the loyalty/trust thing anyway--I'm just lying to myself more than anything. Fuck it, her tits will be pancakes in 20 yrs while my cock is still cutting diamonds when I'm 60.

I have a choice in 15 months (career move), marry and stay where I'm at--and clean my shit up, dropping the LOS life...or live in the LOS forever (easily) and pursue what I love the most. There's my answer right there, huh?

I know I'll take the LOS option in the end...because I'm a DOG better than a FAMILY MAN. But I'm a better family man than a dog, sometimes...fuck me! Subconsciously, I've already predetermined my destiny with Thai pussy and LBs forever! No matter what. But who cares, I'm single anyway. Can't have the best of both worlds (well sometimes).

But--- if any of you have been in my shoes and could have changed things (ie live the married life vs the crazy "LOS" life)....what would you have changed, lessons learned???

Thoughts, please...thanks in advance! Eazy Sleazy

[Stogie]

Marry her and cheat on her occasionally.

[rossco]

Marriage = Manacles. You stray you Pay.

Better stay single and enjoy the relationship - if it works great, if it does not move on.

Marriage is the single most one sided contract ever created - once signed you cannot amend! Shocking.

[Guest]

I have something of the same situation,
                                    - but no longer the same conflict.

Question 1    "-do I want to live in Europe without the woman I love,
                                                          just because I am so hooked up on LBs"

answer: " no that would seem very stupid"

Question 2    "-can I give up the 30-year old, half-secret drive,
                                                          constant and strong, never ending,
                                                          because I live with the woman I love?"

answer: " no that is not possible for me"

Solution: Live with the woman I love AND go seing TS/LB often enough to feel                  
             satisfied, =to an extent that makes it possible to live a "complete" life              
                                                          in a family/work situation.

Now I no longer feel the need to be with other women. I also manage to keep a kind of balance in this if I can experience the TS-LB enviroment 3-4 times a year ( I know where to go in Europe to find this and I go once a year to Thailand alone).

My message (the most important) is to confront yourself with the most important questions. Give as honest answers as you can. Then make arrangements that come as close as possible to your answers (needs). At the same time hurt your partner and others (children---) as little as possible.
What you then hopefully achieve is a feeling that YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN . Which is not perfect, but it is the best you can manage, the way you are today, and in this period of your life.

This is a far better way to deal with it than trying to say "I have to stop---"
"I must not--" "I ----" (also called "shouldism" and "musturbation"), and as result always failing and feeling shit (I did that for many years). It is to me much the same as trying to eat less in order to get thin,-failing, -and as a result always getting fatter.

Basically it is the same conclusion as Stogie points out, but trying to give one idea of a possible way to get there. Because these questions and answers are not a one-time-thing. They are for sure something that must be asked and answered and tried out again and again and again and again.

[EyeMahk]

I'd stay with the GF, but try not to marry her. If there are no kids, then there is no reason to marry her. (Unless you are making less $$$ than her, then it might be to your benefit to marry her).

(Eazy_Sleazy @ Nov. 07 2008,07:03) I have a choice in 15 months (career move), marry and stay where I'm at--and clean my shit up, dropping the LOS life...or live in the LOS forever (easily) and pursue what I love the most. There's my answer right there, huh?

No, it's not. In your situation, why do you have to choose? I would have it both ways. Why not have the GF back home, then go to Thailand for "business"? Your business is actually fucking cute GGs and LBs, but tell everyone that you are in the export business (well, you are, you are exporting your sperm!). This is a charade that is easily pulled off, in my opinion.

I know at least two guys that do it. Well, one of them I think is doing it but he covers his tracks so well, even I don't know. The other is a very good friend (who actually made a mistake when he told me). When you cover your tracks with the charade of doing business, it usually works out. But don't do anything stupid. Remember, a secret is not a secret anymore if two people know it.

[katoeylover]

(Stogie @ Nov. 07 2008,13:15) Marry her and cheat on her occasionally.

Not really the best way to contemplate marriage though.

[tigerxxx]

I wouldn't. To paraphrase Marx, Marriage is the opiate of the masses.

[jimslim]

Surely he said that about religion

[robbo]

(rossco @ Nov. 07 2008,20:11) Marriage = Manacles. You stray you Pay.

Better stay single and enjoy the relationship - if it works great, if it does not move on.

Marriage is the single most one sided contract ever created - once signed you cannot amend! Shocking.

take note of this one, all the other guys are not wrong........................BUT THIS ONES MORE RIGHT!,very few people if any in this world can have it all ...........think about that one carefully because one day your happy and lifes great you gota lot..............next day it can change and you lose most of it.if youve got a great relationship do not take it for granted and fuck it up...........theres allways more more more....human nature,but you have the blessing of been there and done it.........more than most people. so you shouldnt have to wonder"what if" think on it. basic thinkin.........what you got to lose?.........what you got to gain?whats more important. take this as a response from someone whos just about lost the lot in life by his own actions.

[tigerxxx]

(jimslim @ Nov. 07 2008,10:49)
Surely he said that about religion  

He did, but I just substituted the word marriage in place of religion.

[manarak]

agree with stogie and knockout's longer version of the same...

and stay in Thailand if you can! It's shitty over here...

Good Luck!

[robbo]

yes but just depends on what "occasional" means

[Guest]

Short and easy:

If you CAN make one good choice and stick to it : DO IT

If you can't : Start practicing the best possible way to do both,

-and start NOW
-cause it might take time
-to be able to accept what you
see in the mirror.

[Looker]

(Eazy_Sleazy @ Nov. 07 2008,19:03) ...BUT need some "experienced" opinions.

Well, Eazy, to be very honest, with your 18 years of Asia under the belt perhaps YOU should be the one giving "experienced" opinions away
I'm, as you, a veteran of Asia with 22 years under my belt..WOW!!! But own experience means nothing to others anyway, since we all live in our small worlds and what applies to me doesn't necessarily fit your bill.

From what I understand it's that you want the best from both worlds, the single's libertinage and the "convenience" of the steady relationship. Sorry but can't have both

As you know, for a westerner living in Asia, women in general are not a big issue. Men who would barely score a 45y.o. overweight divorcee woman with 3 kids in the western world can be seen around with a 25 y.o. (or even younger) cutie. All reasons behind that except being a Brad Pitt's clone. In Asia, as much as in South/Central America, former USSR, Africa, etc.. a westerner has all the advantages of this world.

In my somehow limited experience I can only tell you that the hunger for fresh meat decreases with time when the the dissatisfaction with the inability of tasting it thoroughly increases. This leads to further search for meat hoping that the next fuck will be better than the lousy one you just had...and so on..

If you fear that your hot ass 41y.o. g/f will soon start to cool down, push your luck further and find a 30y.o. or even a 25y.o.
If you are good enough find one who also pays for your bills, that her parents go bananas for you, and that she even could accept you to join orgies and do other girls and LBs together with you. I had a g/f like that..I found her in Adulf Friend Finder and we were together for more than one year but didn't work out for the true LTR.

I can't really give you any better suggestion as I don't know who you are, what you have and truly what you are looking for. Good Luck

[Guest]

Well Eazy.

You got a lot of people engaged here.

What about some response from you.

I guess it's your turn now.