I WISH someone would invent...

[Bumpa STIKKA]

Ever wish someone would invent something that would make your life easier or more enjoyable?

You know... a car that can hover and fly like a Harrier Jump Jet or a pill that makes English girls look attractive?

Well here's something I wish someone would invent...

Software that makes movies actually look stable and filmed by cameras on tripods anchored to the ground!

Yeah - of course we all know that this is a dream that won't come true!

I'm getting fucking fed up with watching programs and movies filmed in 'wobble vision!'

Film makers think it's really cool but film goers don't. Film makers are never gonna make movies that people actually want to see so we are stuck with their fucking useless garbage.

But to make their asinine and puerile crap more tolerable it would be nice to be able to feed the reels through a program that would steady the frames and make it look as though the camera men had NOT suffered prolonged bouts of epilepsy while filming.

A good case in point is the new crappy war movie 'Battle: Los Angeles.'

I don't mind watching a predictable cliche driven CGI infested pile of shit but if I do waste a couple of hours of my life on it, I'd like the predictable cliche driven CGI infested pile of shit to be filmed with someone who hasn't got a live electric cable wedged up his arse for the entire time.

This is where the inventors of the world can help me out. Just write some free software I can upload to my TV player so I can watch these shitty films without needing handle bars and safety nets.

I'm sure I can think of a few more things that need inventing...

How about you?

[Tomcat]

A hangover cure that really works and not some old wive tales like hair of the dog and all that baloney. Actually i read about one in a nerdy science magazine the other day and im looking for a guinea pig to test it on.

It involves Vitamin C and some other chemical(sssshhh). The recipe will be made available shortly but if you start growing extra ears or similar remember ..new Medicine is always a trade off

[SiamSam]

Two things we need right now.

1) An invention to immediately reverse a nuclear core melt down

2) The holy grail invention of them all: a cure for all cancers

[SiamSam]

By the way, hand-held film making sucks big time. Other than for news and documentaries, it has never been cool and never will be. Many movies (especially the lower to mid- budget ones) are shot this way because the schedules and budgets do not allow the film makers the time to set up cameras on tripods, cranes, jibs, dollies, etc. If you have to make 40 shots a day you grab the camera and simply hold it on your shoulder running from setup to setup. Ditto for lighting. Nothing much interesting any more with that lost art IMHO.

[Tralala777]

A non-toxic liquid that could be ingested which would clear cholesterol deposits (atherosclerosis) from arteries like a drain cleaner.

The inventor would become the worlds richest person overnight.

[strocube]

That jerky camera motion you hate so much actually derives from the ethos of Cinema Verite.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinéma_vérité

[Bobcat]

A cure for Flatulence. Since smoking has been banned in   bars its   . Stale beer in the carpets, menstural women & worst of all someone letting off after a vegetable curry from the night before. Its either a pill or a bloody good butt plug.

[Bobcat]

(SiamSam @ Mar. 16 2011,13:47) By the way, hand-held film making sucks big time. Other than for news and documentaries, it has never been cool and never will be. Many movies (especially the lower to mid- budget ones) are shot this way because the schedules and budgets do not allow the film makers the time to set up cameras on tripods, cranes, jibs, dollies, etc. If you have to make 40 shots a day you grab the camera and simply hold it on your shoulder running from setup to setup. Ditto for lighting. Nothing much interesting any more with that lost art IMHO.

Sam I totally agree. Filmaking is a craft look at Ridley Scott present day and many many before him. I think it all went downhill after the hyped rubbish of The Blair Witch Report. Film school budget bollocks. And as for Hollywood its fucked now all we get is CGI crap for the kids market.

Where will it all end. 3D 4D they cant even do a decent 2D

[SiamSam]

Never mind this mindless stuff. Concentrate on the important matters at hand. Are your bags packed? Do you have everything you need? Are your bases cover and recovered? Are you organized well? Do you have a meaningful plan for 10 days of meaningless sex? Get you priorities straight man!!!

After your return we can then turn to quiet, brandy sipping movie chat.

Fuck I wish I was going with ya.

[batman4ever]

an honest barowner....

[Bumpa STIKKA]

Welcome back, batman4ever....


I've missed you!

[pacman]

(Tralala777 @ Mar. 16 2011,22:26) A non-toxic liquid that could be ingested which would clear cholesterol deposits (atherosclerosis) from arteries like a drain cleaner.

The inventor would become the worlds richest person overnight.

There is just such a treatment that will unblock blocked arteries. It can't be swallowed, it is administered via an intravenous drip & is known as Chelation Therapy.

It isn't new, it didn't make anyone rich, it has been around some 90 years & it was developed in the UK to help the lives of lead miners. Scientists discovered that a binding agent could be administered to miners who suffered lead poisoning. It attached itself to the lead in their blood stream & removed it via the kidneys.

One side effect noticed was that it also helped circulation generally. Now it is being used by enlightened doctors as an alternative treatment to bypass surgery. Particularly when the patient has too many blocked arteries for surgery. I think 6 is the maximum they can operate on.

My GP has a Chelation clinic attached to his surgery that treats 14 patients at a time, 3 sessions a day. I spoke to a guy who had a session booked every two months. He had been sent home to die some 5 years earlier because he had 7 blocked arteries & wasn't suitable for surgery. He had learnt about this clinic & told me that after visiting it for two years, he had amazed his heart specialist with completely unblocked arteries.

His appointments now were for maintenance purposes. I asked my GP why Chelation Therapy wasn't more popular. He explained that the Medical Industry had far too much invested in the training of surgeons & the mega profits that flowed from bypass operations.

As he said: "if you go to a specialist with a sore leg & he was trained to chop off legs, what do you think he is going to recommend?" A wise man is my GP.

[f0xxee]

A left handed screw driver.

[f0xxee]

There are many objects that are not suitable for left handers: Can openers are a bitch. left handed scissors exist in Ned Flanders shop, but there aint many shops like that around. Automatic pistols and rifles eject across my face, a few bolt action rifles are left handed, but expensive. Many tools (power saws spring to mind) have the trigger lock (that locks the motor running) in a position that means left handers inadvertantly activateand lock the tool into the running mode while using the tool. With a power saw this can be extremely un-nerving.
There are many other examples.

Given that left handers are no longer whipped into becoming right handers and stuttering fools and perverts with it, it would seem there are more left handers than ever.

Get onto this please BS, and present my case to the UN as one of discrimination.

[f0xxee]

While we are on the subject:

1.Please also invent an unjammable fax machine.
2. Printers that accept that A4 plain paper is the default for the majority of use in Australasia (don't know if this is the case in Europe or the States)