Worst opening sentence for a book

[Snick]

An exploding colonoscopy bag of troubles stained my conscience as I considered the actions I had taken to reach my present shitty prediciment.

[f0xxee]

Top effort Gents!
Paccie most impressed and glad you are not in the room next door.
Snick gets the "graphic I didn't need over a hamburger" award.

I think we need to hear from the following prolific purveyors of pulp:

Tomcat
Kahuna
Lefty
Ivor
Whore
Azza
Miss Tan? How about something from the other side? Allysa?

You know you got it in you!

[anthony70]

her fanny lips hung down like the sleeve of a wizard, as he slowly removed her kidney grippers.

[guydesavoy]

very invasive

[f0xxee]

(anthony70 @ Jun. 15 2010,14:23) her fanny lips hung down like the sleeve of a wizard, as he slowly removed her kidney grippers.

"kidney grippers".... Love it!

[thaibound]

"The elephant thought the ladyboy said with a stupid grin as I farted."

[Snick]

You get paid for that ?

[f0xxee]

(thaibound @ Jun. 15 2010,15:43) "The elephant thought the ladyboy said with a stupid grin as I farted."

The new James Joyce.

[transcebu]

I awoke in a strange place, a chlorine like smell in the air as I noticed a lump in the throat of the exotic lover I had met the night before. My god, she was pregnant in the neck, what would I do?

[guydesavoy]

(f0xxee @ Jun. 15 2010,18:00)

(thaibound @ Jun. 15 2010,15:43) "The elephant thought the ladyboy said with a stupid grin as I farted."

The new James Joyce.

You got the syntax right anyway

[Dieter]

Once upon a time ...


Dieter

[whore]

After examining all the evidence, french police have come to the conclusion that princess Diana was a well hung transexual.

[azza33]

Deep beneath the surface of the clear blue waters, i look up, and smile.... not of the natural beauty of my surrounds but of the spreading warmth in my wetsuit...

[azza33]

(pacman @ Jun. 14 2010,20:44)          My cock was as hard as a spinster's kiss. The lovemaking began with sweet words flowing like a broken lavatory.  Silken comments like "you have a big cock", "you handsome man" "that's it, that's it" & "don't stop, don't stop, I'm gunna come" were being shouted around the room like a druggie screaming at his pusher having a two-for-one sale. Finally I collapsed spent & lay there like a flattened wombat after it had been run over by a fully laden Haulpack. The energy slowly returned to my shivering body as I thought to myself "that is absolutely the last time I make love without having someone join me".

very funny

You always were a cunning linguist Paccers

[guydesavoy]

(whore @ Jun. 15 2010,19:51) After examining all the evidence, french police have come to the conclusion that princess Diana was a well hung transexual.

That sounds like a real page turner  

and there is a decided scat element permeating this thread....