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  • #16
    A guy has spent five years travelling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he has every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film. He winds up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he pops into a pub for a well earned beer.

    He gets talking to one of the local Aborigines and tells him about his project. The Aborigine asks the guy what he thought of the "Butcher Dance."

    The guy€™s a bit confused and says "Butcher Dance? What€™s that?"

    "What? You no see Butcher Dance?"

    "No, I€™ve never heard of it."

    "Oh mate. You crazy. How you say you film every native dance if you no see Butcher Dance?"

    "UmmSUM. I got a corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?"

    "No, no, not corroborree. Butcher Dance much more important than corroborree."

    "Oh, well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, Butcher Dance right out bush. Many days travel to go see Butcher Dance."

    "Look, I€™ve been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance."

    "OK, mate. You drive north along highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you see dirt track veer off to left. Follow dirt track for 126 miles €˜til you see big huge dead gum tree - biggest tree you ever see. Here you gotta leave car, coz much to rough for driving. You strike out due west into setting sun. You walk 3 days €˜til you hit creek. You follow this creek to Northwest. After 2 days you find where creek flows out of rocky mountains. Much too difficult to cross mountains here though. You now head south for half day €˜til you see pass through mountains. Pass very difficult, very dangerous. Take 2, maybe 3 days to get through rocky pass. When through, head north-west for 4 days €˜til reach big huge rock - 20 ft high and shaped like man€™s head. >From rock, walk due west for 2 days and you find village. Here you see Butcher Dance."

    So the guy grabs his camera crew and equipment and heads out. After a couple of hours he finds the dirt track. The track is in a shocking state and he€™s forced to crawl along at a snails pace and so he doesn€™t reach the tree until dusk and he€™s forced to set up camp for the night.

    He sets out bright and early the following morning. His spirits are high and he€™s excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance which he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he has been given, he reaches the creek after three days and follows it for another two until they reach the rocky mountains.

    The merciless sun is starting to take its toll by this time and his spirits are starting to flag, but wearily he trudges on until he finds the pass through the hills - nothing will prevent him from completing his life€™s dream. The mountains prove to be every bit as treacherous as their guide said and at times they almost despair of getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort they finally force their way clear and continue their long trek.

    When they reach the huge rock, four days later, their water is running low and their feet are covered with blisters but they steel themselves and head out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually stagger into the village where the natives feed them and and give them fresh water and they begin to feel like new men. Once he€™s recovered enough, the guy goes before the village chief and tells him that he has come to film their Butcher Dance.

    "Oh mate. Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late.

    You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not €˜til next year." "Well, I€™ve come all this way. Couldn€™t you just hold an extra dance for me, tonight?"

    "No, no, no! Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. If hold more, gods get very angry and destroy village! You want see Butcher Dance you come back next year." The guy is devastated, but he has no other option but to head back to civilisation and back home.

    The following year, he heads back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, sets out a week earlier than last time. He is quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he is present to witness it.

    However, right from the start things go wrong. Heavy rains that year have turned the dirt track to mud and the car gets bogged every few miles, finally forcing them to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reach the creek and the mountains without any further hitch, but halfway through the ascent of the mountain they are struck by a fierce storm which rages for several days, during which they are forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsides. It would be suicide to attempt to scale the treacherous paths in the face of such savage elements.

    Then, before they have travelled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprains his ankle badly which slows down the rest of their journey to the rock and then the village enormously. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they have been travelling, they stagger into the village at about 12:00 noon.

    "The Butcher Dance!" gasps the guy. "Please don€™t tell me I€™m too late!"

    The chief recognises him and says "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time."

    Relieved beyond measure, the crew spend the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment - preparing to capture the night€™s ritual on celluloid As dusk falls, the natives start to cover there bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of bird€™s feathers and animal skins. Once darkness has settled fully over the land, the natives form a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descends over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body enters the circle and begins to chant. Some sort of witch doctor or medicine man, figures the guy and he whispers to the chief "What€™s he doing?"

    "Hush" whispers the chief. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dreamworld watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year."

    The chanting of the Holy man reaches a stunning crescendo before he removes himself from the circle. From somewhere the rhythmic pounding of drums booms out across the land and the natives begin to sway to the stirring rhythm.

    The guy is becoming caught up in the fervour of the moment himself. This is it. He now realises beyond all doubt that his wait has not been in vain. He is about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind.

    The chief strides to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, starts to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in and you shake it all about"

         

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    • #17
      A man named Bill walks out of a bar and sees a man sobbing like a baby.  The man asks; Whats wrong there Mr. ?
      The crying man replies;  My dog died.  Bill says well  that€™s not so bad.  The crying man says its horrible, he was the best hunting dog ever.
      Bill , feeling sorry for the man says; Hey, come over to my house, I breed hunting dogs, I€™ll give you one of mine.  The crying man says No,,No, its o.k.
      Bill says, please, Free of charge I€™ll give you a hunting dog you€™ve never dreamed of.

       The crying man says o.k.  So they arrive at Bills house and the crying man immediately likes a Beagle that ran up to him lovingly .
      The crying man says;  is this dog a good hunter ?  Bill says Yes, one of my best.  Bill says, Pick any Lake you can think of and we will go there and this dog will hunt for you. You won€™t even have to get out of the truck.  The crying man thinks to himself,  BULLSHIT.  

      So they get to this Lake that the crying man picked and they get the dog out of the truck and Bill says to the dog, GO !
      About 10 minutes later the dog comes back and sits in front of Bill and scratches his paw on the ground three times.
      Bill said did you see that, that means there is three ducks on the lake.  So they walk back to the lake and Bigger than shit, there is three ducks on the lake.

      The crying man takes the dog and tells Bill THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH.
      Later that week the crying man is sitting in a bar talking with his friends and telling them how smart this dog is and the beagle dog can Hunt ducks without him even getting out of the Truck.  The crying mans Friends all started laughing at him calling him crazy.  The crying man says I€™ll bet a $1,000.00 that  you guys can pick any Lake of your choosing and this dog will find how many ducks there are on the lake and ready to be hunted.

      Well they had a Lake Lottery and they all arrived at the chosen lake.  The crying man lets the dog out of the truck and sends him on his way.
      They all waited, and waited, and waited, an Hour goes by and everyone is  telling the crying man to PAY UP FUCKER, YOUR DOG IS NOT COMING BACK.  Just as he got done paying everyone the money he owed, Here comes this fucking dog Yipping and squealing with a stick in his mouth. The dog jumps on the crying man legs Humping his Leg and shaking this stick at him.  All embarrassed he grabs the dog, throws him into the truck and leaves.  
      On his way home he decides to go to the Original owner of the dog to tell him what happened.  He arrives and explains to Bill what happened stating that the dog came running out of the woods and jumped on my Leg and started Humping  me and shaking  a stick in his mouth.
      The original owner said;  Ohhhhhhh,   You dumb shit, he was trying to tell you, there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.



      My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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      • #18
        Originally posted by (allstar88 @ Oct. 29 2005,02:43)
        wipe your dick on the curtains          

        First you fuck her up the ass and then you wipe your dick off on her curtains is  punchline to "How do you make Martha Stewart scream twice"?      

        I remember telling that joke to two girls I had just met in a bar.  Rather suave of me.    



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        • #19
          Originally posted by (PigDogg @ Nov. 04 2005,09:45)
          Originally posted by (allstar88 @ Oct. 29 2005,02:43)
          wipe your dick on the curtains          

          First you fuck her up the ass and then you wipe your dick off on her curtains is  punchline to "How do you make Martha Stewart scream twice"?      

          I remember telling that joke to two girls I had just met in a bar.  Rather suave of me.    
          you silver tongued cavalier        

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          • #20
            A husband and wife went on Vacation to Mexico and when they got back home as they were unpacking their belongings they were noticing that some small items were missing.  Nothing major was missing just  tit-for-tat little items.
            Well, about a week later the wife picked up their  pictures of their Mexico Vacation..  As she was putting them into the family album the Husband heard a Loud Gasp from his Wife, She screamed;  €œ€ Oh MY GOD€€  the wife was doing everything she could to keep from Vomiting ..  The husband said what is it honey ?
            He started Looking at the Pictures and the First picture he saw was a Mexican Man in their HOTEL Room holding up a Toothbrush.  The Husband said ;
            I knew it, we got ripped off.  The second picture the husband Looked at was the same Mexican man bent over doggy style with their Toothbrush Stuck up his Ass.



            My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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            • #21
              What else got stuck up his ass?

              In one of Howard Stern's books he listed some of the strangest emergency room ass vists including an oil can and a light bulb!

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              • #22
                This Arizona Indian just got out of Prison after doing a 15 year stretch for manslaughter. He stayed out late that night getting drunk and as he was walking home he decided to get a piece of Pussy before retiring for the night. So he walks into this Whore House and asks the Desk Clerk €œ€ I want€™um Sum Pussy€€.
                The desk clerk says €œ got any money ?€ The Indian says NO. The clerk asks €œ got any experience ?€ The Indian says €œme no have€™um experience€
                The Desk clerk says to the Indian €œ hey Look here Fucker, either go get some fucking money or better yet, go across the street there and in the Public Park you€™ll see a huge Oak Tree with a Hole in it, get some experience there.

                About (3) months later the Indian comes back to the Whore House and tells the desk clerk €œ Me have€™um Money, and Me have€™um experience, Me want€™um pussy. The desk clerk takes $40.00 from him and gives him a Key to room #232. About 60 seconds Later the desk clerk hears this Blood Curdling Scream coming from upstairs. The desk clerk thought to himself, That Fucking Indian is Killing her. He jumps over the counter and runs up to room #232 busts down the door and sees the Indian Holding this poor petite Whore up by the Hair with one hand and shoving a broom stick up her pussy ..
                The desk clerk says €œ what the fuck are you doing asshole ?
                The Indian says €œ I€™m checking for Bees.€
                My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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                • #23
                  mirimark once told me when he was in college he was studying American Indian Heritage.  As part of his studies he had gone to Live with some Indians on the McDowell Reservation.  After mirimark was there for most of the Day mirimark noticed that there were no Female Indians.  mirimark asked the Tribal Chief €œWhere are all the Women ?  What do you do for Fun around here ?    The Tribal Chief said €œ  We Fuck€™em Buffalo.  mirimark just shook his head in amazement and thought to himself, what the fuck did I get myself into, I have to spend the next three (3) fucking months out here with no pussy.

                  Well you all know mirimark,  only two days pass and he is so fucking Horny he is ready to explode, so that night everyone is sitting around the camp Fire drinking whiskey and smoking the peace pipe and while no one was Looking mirimark sneaked off  to have his way with one of these Buffalo.
                  mirimark drops trowel  and starts laying some serious pipe up in this Buffalos asshole.  mirimark  shoots his Load  inside this Buffalos ass and smiles with relief.
                  So mirimark comes walking back to the Camp and he notices Every Fucking Indian on the Reservation is Pointing their finger at him Laughing their Asses off.
                  mirimark says €œ what the fuck you laughing at, you all Fuck Buffalo.  The Tribal Chief says yes,,  But you  Fuck€™em Ugly One.
                  My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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                  • #24
                    There was this Gorilla at the Zoo named Mary, Mary was getting Old and all the other Gorillas at the zoo had no interest in her.  The zoo director was worried for the zoos Future Gorilla exhibit because they had no BABY Gorillas.  So the zoo director started talking casually to the Gorillas Exhibits Supervisor and expressed his concerns.  The Supervisor said he has a brother named Mirimark who would Fuck anything for money.  The director said really, well how about asking your brother if he€™d be interested in trying to get Mary the Gorilla pregnant.
                    Well,,,  one night the supervisor brought his brother Mirimark to the zoo to get him to try and impregnate Mary.  The supervisor told Mirimark not to worry that they would take every precaution to protect Mirimarks welfare.  So they took Mary and put her arms behind her back and Handcuffed her, then they  took Mary the Gorillas Legs and spread them wide apart and strapped them to the table.  And Finally they put a Muzzle over Marys mouth so she wouldn€™t bite Mirimark.
                    After the supervisor got done preparing Mary the Gorilla for Mirimark to have sex with the  Gorilla the zoos Director arrived to watch the insemination of the Gorilla.

                    So Mirimark lays on top of the Gorilla and starts to fuck the Gorilla, after the initial penetration and a Few thrusts of his long cock inside the Gorilla the Gorilla and Mirmark start to really enjoy each others involvement.   Mary the Gorilla starts to get so hot and wet she busts her arms from her restraints, and wraps them around Mirimarks upper body, then Mary the Gorilla busts her Legs free from their binds and wraps her Legs around Mirimarks Ass and starts to force Mirimark Deeper and Deeper inside her. After a few more minutes the Director starts to get worried that this is getting a little out of control.  Next thing you know  Mirimark starts to yell at the Director and his Supervisor Brother, but through the Glass in the observation room they can not tell what Mirimark is Yelling.  Things start to Look very  VIOLENT,,,,  Mirimark continues to scream for the Director and his brother.  Mirimarks brother begins to Panic and runs to his aid.  He opens the door and rushes into the Room and ..he hears Mirimark  screaming  €œ€ Take the Muzzle off this Ape, I want to Kiss this Bitch.€€



                    My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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                    • #25
                      a man walks into cascades in nep and asks the mamasan for the roughest toughest ladyboy in the bar, the mamasan tells him to go upstairs for the roughest toughest ladyboy in the bar. he pays the mamasan and grabs two beers on his way up to the room. he walks into the room and a ladyboy is laid on the bed. the man asks the lb if she is the roughest toughest ladyboy in the bar? the ladyboy nods,strips off her clothes ,bends over and grabs her ankles. the man says how do you know i want you to be in that position? the ladyboy replies"well i thought you would want to open your beers first?"            

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by (mirimark @ Nov. 05 2005,13:57)
                        The Supervisor said he has a brother named Mirimark who would Fuck anything for money.  The director said really, well how about asking your brother if he€™d be interested in trying to get Mary the Gorilla pregnant.
                        And then boys and girls, nine months later, the Apeman was born.

                        That would sure be a twisted Nativity scene.

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                        • #27
                          two nuns in a car driving through transylvania when all of a sudden dracula jumps from a tree and lands on the wind screen and starts to hiss at the nuns.the nun driver asks the passenger nun what to do?the nun tells her to switch on the wiper blades.but still dracula hangs on hissing.the passenger nun tells her to press the windscreen wash as it has holy water in it.the water burns dracula but he still hangs on hissing.the passenger nun then says"show him your cross " so the driver nun winds down her window and shouts"get of the fucking car you cunt!"          

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                          • #28
                            Tonto and the Lone Ranger are traveling through the desert. Tonto jumps from his horse and kneels to the ground. The Lone Ranger asks Tonto, "Whats wrong". Tonto says, "Two horses coming".
                            The Lone Ranger asks How do you know? Tonto said, "Ground STicky".
                            My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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                            • #29
                              100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

                              Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

                              If:
                              A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
                              1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

                              Then:

                              H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
                              8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



                              and
                              K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E


                              11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

                              But,

                              A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
                              1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

                              And,

                              B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
                              2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

                              AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

                              A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
                              1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

                              So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
                              My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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                              • #30
                                The "F" Word
                                When is @#$% Acceptable?

                                There are only eleven times in history
                                where the "F" word has
                                been considered acceptable for use.
                                They are as follows:

                                11. "What the @#$% do you mean,
                                we are sinking?"

                                -- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

                                10. "What the @#$% was that?"

                                -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

                                9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians
                                come from?"

                                -- Custer, 1877

                                8. "Any @#$%ing idiot
                                could understand that."
                                -- Einstein, 1938

                                7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

                                -- Picasso, 1926

                                6. "How the @#$%
                                did you work that out?"

                                -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

                                5. "You want WHAT
                                on the @#$%ing ceiling?"

                                -- Michelangelo, 1566

                                4. "Where the @#$% are we?"

                                -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

                                3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers,
                                my ass!"

                                -- Noah, 4314 BC

                                2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$%
                                is going to find out?"!

                                -- Bill Clinton, 1998


                                1. "Geez, I didn't think
                                they'd get this
                                @%#*^ing mad."

                                -- Saddam Hussein, 2002
                                My Femboys can Beat up your Ladyboys.  

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