How to get rid of a woman who wants to marry you

[Road Runner]

Hello Goingtosugarland,

The first thing I notice is that both you and this girl have been pushed into this by other people.
I'd suggest getting her onto your side  -  no I'm not crazy!

Get her away from your parents/the house for a few hours - take her for a meal would be my suggestion - but you want somewhere you can talk without people interfering.
Start by explaining to her about your parents pressuring you - your cousins setting up the meeting. Make her understand that this was against your wishes.
Try to get it across to her that you feel she has been lead into this by other people in the same way that you are being pushed.
Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT.  There is no need to tell her why not at this time.
But if she insists and you think it's right then you could  -  it may do more to help than to harm your cause.

If it works out right she will be on your side  -  if not you will at least clear the air with her.
The worst case senario is that she will go rushing back to your parents and tell them you don't want to get married.

If this happens go back with her and stand your ground  -  It may sound crazy but I think this is a better option than going off and hiding somewhere.
Go through the events and point out that you did not want this situation. That it was the people around you that engineered it and that you feel trapped in the middle.

I don't pretend to know the politics (family relations) in your house - but if my thinking is right  -  after the initial shouting match you should end up with the girl and your mother on your side.

Where you go from there as they say in Thailand is 'up to you'.

RR.

[Road Runner]

(post-op lover @ Jun. 01 2006,09:12) I only remember my buds RoadKill, Pansyman, and Smurfley.    They try so hard to make a good joke, that I give them an A for effort.  

Hey Post-op,

I never realised that you loved me so much  -  do you want to marry me?  

  I forgot  -  you're already promised to Pansyman.


Ok how about a threesome    


Your friend for ever.  

RK.    

[PigDogg]

(goingtosugarland @ Jun. 01 2006,11:30) Jim McGreevy

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the NJ Turnpike is being renamed the James J McGreevy service area?

"To thine own self be true".

It's your life bro!

[PigDogg]

(Road Runner @ Jun. 01 2006,19:41) Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT.  

[post-op lover]

(Road Runner @ Jun. 01 2006,16:53)

(post-op lover @ Jun. 01 2006,09:12) I only remember my buds RoadKill, Pansyman, and Smurfley. They try so hard to make a good joke, that I give them an A for effort.

Hey Post-op,

I never realised that you loved me so much - do you want to marry me?

I forgot - you're already promised to Pansyman.


Ok how about a threesome


Your friend for ever.

RK.

Hey RoadKill

If you look like the girl in your pic....

Ah, never mind.

Anyway, that's good advice to GTSL. Talking with the girl is always a good start. Even less drama!

[Stewart]

Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT. There is no need to tell her why not at this time.

I do not believe this thread. This is a wind up, right/

If you can't tell people to let you run your own life, then you deserve all you get....just fucking tell them to go away, then laugh out loud at them, How difficult can that be?

[dummy_plug]

(goingtosugarland @ Jun. 01 2006,11:19)

Sorry man...I sympathize with you.  

does that mean you are on the same boat too? man I know you are young but just wait until you get really close to the age when they see the urgency. and being chinese/asians are not excuses to not confronting them, ( i am preaching to myself now) ...

I was sort of the in the same boat...my mom always trys to set me up with her friend's daughters. I've got little interest now, and even before hand, gave it no more than a passing thought because if my mom liked them, it meant I wouldn't. I know there's enormous pressure in a Chinese family to get married. Fight it man, fight it!

[dummy_plug]

(Stewart @ Jun. 02 2006,07:59)

Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT.  There is no need to tell her why not at this time.

I do not believe this thread. This is a wind up, right/

If you can't tell people to let you run your own life, then you deserve all you get....just fucking tell them to go away, then laugh out loud at them, How difficult can that be?

Its a cultural thing Stewart...to some extent, the respect to your family, especially your parents, is similar to how it is in Thai culture. According to Confucian beliefs, you pay enormous amounts of respect to your parents (i.e. fililial duty) even if in some cases it trumps your own desires. The older generation has a greater expectation that this be fulfilled. Unlike you, I wouldn't advocate treating my loving parents like common pieces of garbage...

[Guest]

I *would not*, however, mistakenly agree to getting married with the intention of backing out later, after they're gone. Your drama would increase by 300 orders of magnitude. On the other hand, it might toughen you up a bit.

I thought that was what you were suggesting .. man. whew ... you are absolutely right. I want to just breeze throught these two months as if I was indifferent in attitudes. As much as I want to help myself, I don't want to fuck up others' lives too much. The muddier the water is, the harder for me to get out clean.

[Guest]

(dummy_plug @ Jun. 02 2006,09:29)

(Stewart @ Jun. 02 2006,07:59)

Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT.  There is no need to tell her why not at this time.

I do not believe this thread. This is a wind up, right/

If you can't tell people to let you run your own life, then you deserve all you get....just fucking tell them to go away, then laugh out loud at them, How difficult can that be?

Its a cultural thing Stewart...to some extent, the respect to your family, especially your parents, is similar to how it is in Thai culture. According to Confucian beliefs, you pay enormous amounts of respect to your parents (i.e. fililial duty) even if in some cases it trumps your own desires. The older generation has a greater expectation that this be fulfilled. Unlike you, I wouldn't advocate treating my loving parents like common pieces of garbage...

I can't believe that I am siding with the guy who gives me a hard medicine instead of the one who is more understanding. But DP, really, take it from an older chinese guy who got his life fucked up by the Confucious shit. Don't let that gets to you, I think when we deal with people who gave us birth and raised us with TLC, we all want to cave if situation just comes to a head. Don't let that "cultural thing" be your excuse to take the easy route. The easy route is not the easy way out. I am not saying you have to come out. With us, it's hard to come "out" anyway - I mean it takes them reading how many posts on this site to understand our sexuality? But I fell into this trap because at a point I thought just lie to them about me having a girl friend was a easy way to get them off my back. I got a lesbian friend, she just stood her ground, not explain shit and after she pass 30 the parents shut up about it. Now she is running around getting pusies. That's why I mentioned Cuztanza - it's the scheming I was referncing to. If you watched that episode where he went to a doctor for the fake elbow spasm? That's what I am like  now, I am jerking my elbow like an idiot.
I am almost in tears reading you guys reply. Great suggestions from every one. I actually thought about just telling the woman I am gay. Well, we on this site know that might not be 100% accurate but what the she doesn't need to know the details. This way at least eliminate one part of the drama. I am also betting on her not telling at least for two months....

[Guest]

another quick thoughts on the "cultural thing" - It's nothing, not even cclose to what some real religious societies are like. It's not harsh rules or intimidating retaliations. It's really a trap made of seemingly good wills. You guys might have noticed that chinese parents would sacrifice EVRYthing for their kids. They would give up all material desires of their own to buy a house in good school district. They don't hire nanies - got to do this themselves. They stick to abusive bosses because they have to take home money to pay for private schools.
Don't fool yourself though, that all this tender loving care is just free. This comes from a guy who is now going through the pay back time - and they don't expect you to pay them back in a material ways, they just get the phsycological satisfaction that you would be the same suckers as they have been. now I am not mudding up people's good wills. But the road to hell is always paved with good wills. This is a viciouse cycle. Life cannot be just about reproducing. Look at what we have gotten. I am sorry but that's our history. Not industrial revolution, not renaissance, just generations after generations of midiocre people giving up their own dreams. at some point, some body got to say, I am not just coming to this world to bring another mother fucker to this world. I actually got to have some fun...

[Guest]

Holy jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick.

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you 17 years old?

Jesus.

I'm going to be the "Anti-Dr. Laura" for you.

Tomorrow, you say, "Mom, Dad, I've enjoyed your visit. I need to have my house back to myself. Goodbye."

"Sun Yi (or whatever her name is), I am not going to marry you. I am sorry my parents have set these expectations for you, and I've been too much of a coward to tell you until now".

What a fucking dickless wonder. It's your life. You don't have to treat your parents like garbage, or this girl. You can respectfully tell them, "This is what is happening now". It is not neccessary to "come out" to them, it is only required that you immediately set the boundaries on your life.

Politely, but firmly tell them YOU ARE sorry for not being clear until now, but you will not make that mistake again. Tell them both you are not interested in getting married, and they WILL NOT set you up with anyone again, PERIOD.

When and if you choose to marry, you will find the right girl by yourself.

Fucking christ.

[Guest]

(Road Runner @ Jun. 01 2006,18:41) Hello Goingtosugarland,

The first thing I notice is that both you and this girl have been pushed into this by other people.
I'd suggest getting her onto your side  -  no I'm not crazy!

Get her away from your parents/the house for a few hours - take her for a meal would be my suggestion - but you want somewhere you can talk without people interfering.
Start by explaining to her about your parents pressuring you - your cousins setting up the meeting.  Make her understand that this was against your wishes.
Try to get it across to her that you feel she has been lead into this by other people in the same way that you are being pushed.
Tell her that you don't want to get married - your parents do but you do NOT.  There is no need to tell her why not at this time.
But if she insists and you think it's right then you could  -  it may do more to help than to harm your cause.

If it works out right she will be on your side  -  if not you will at least clear the air with her.
The worst case senario is that she will go rushing back to your parents and tell them you don't want to get married.

If this happens go back with her and stand your ground  -  It may sound crazy but I think this is a better option than going off and hiding somewhere.
Go through the events and point out that you did not want this situation. That it was the people around you that engineered it and that you feel trapped in the middle.

I don't pretend to know the politics (family relations) in your house - but if my thinking is right  -  after the initial shouting match you should end up with the girl and your mother on your side.

Where you go from there as they say in Thailand is 'up to you'.

RR.

RR, I am somewhat struggling between your approach and post-op lovers. (but I am not faking no rash on my dick). Your idea sounds like more of middle ground between just yell them off (which may cause great satisfaction but risk huge regrets) and just running away (which ease my way out but again, different kind of regrets - living with the memory of myself being chicken shit).
I am also not moving to another state or quiting jobs, either. I am assuming that's joking?

[Guest]

It's already clearly established that you are a chicken shit.

[post-op lover]

Gee, Grunyen, how about if he gives you his parents' telephone number and you do the deed for him? You seem a little worked up over this, maybe it would help to vent it on his parents. No loss to you, eh?