Lb dictionaries

[Guest]

So, my theory is that there is a LB dictionary, and every LB in Thailand must learn it at birth. It is 2 pages long. It has the following items:

"Hanloooo, how u?"
"Wut u do?"
"Hansome man!"
"Where u from?"
"How long u stay?"
"Where u stay?"
"I can do anyting for you! No problem."
"I lub only u, no one else, only u"
"Shhhuuureee! Shuuurreee?"

So, ok, we all know that. Now imagine you go to a business meeting and are introduced to new work colleagues. You say:

"Hanloooo, how u, hansome man!"

Colleague says, "what about those new products?"

You say, "They can do anyting for u. No problem. No problem. What u want they can do. Shurreee!"

Colleague, "Can u bring some over?"

You, "No problem, no problem. Where u stay, where u from? How long u stay? I can do anything for u. No problem. Shhhurreee!"

Colleague, "Ok, thanks. I'll talk to you again. But I don't want you working with competitors."

You, "Where u go, hansome man? I go wit u. Me lub u, only u, no problem. I can do anyting for you!"

You have to live in Bangkok to appreciate this, with the accents, but if u do, you'll roll over laughing imagining it with friends.

[Snick]

You missed entry number #1...."Up To You"

I think "I Cum Tsunami" will be in the next edition

I've been trying to convince them that they need to add "me luv you long time" to the dictionary, but no luck so far.

[stogie bear]

"I new here - work here three months!" < ('I've been here so long my arse has almost prolapsed!')

A couple more...

"You by drink, me!" < (This is not a question; rather a statement!)

"I wait you." < ('You better be quick, or I'm fucking GONE!')

"Yes!" < ('I didn't understand a word of what you just said!')

'Take me to shopping." < ('My turn to fuck YOU!')

"I be there." < ('I'll never be there. Forget it!')

"I be there one hour." < ('Get some sleep, mate. It's gonna be a fucking while!')

"I lose it!" < ('I pawned it!')

"Give friend all my money." < ("Me and my mates went out and blew every Baht we own on a good time!')


... any more, folks?

[Guest]

Ok, now add those in to a real business situation. It's hilarious.

[shrimpsoup]

You sexy body.

I want fuck you.

I have loom.

[Guest]

'u pay me wat u want'
'no tip fir meee?'
'u pay cabbb fir mee?'
'u av lelly long dick'
'u take shauwwur'
'u av cundum?'

[post-op lover]

do any of them ever try to tell you that in order to see you they spent money somewhere, like gave money to the bar, or some other bullshit?

this dipshit i met in beijing had a lot of the lines above, but also had:
"i give money to hard rock. i give 200. you give me 200, i give hard rock."

and when you say no, this becomes repeated.

i think the best thing with their "dictionary" is to pretend you don't understand, and they just repeat the same idiotic phrases again and again. i figure if we have to hear their bullshit, might as well have a little fun pretending we don't understand their meaning. except - stogie's ideas all have the guy on the hook.