"Up to you" (The endless realm of possibilities!)

[Steff]

Well said, EyeMahk!!!

[pacman]

(EyeMahk @ Mar. 27 2010,03:55) But the most important thing in getting along in Thailand, in my opinion, is your willingness to understand how Thais think about things, simple and complex.  This is very difficult for a western mind to comprehend.  What is €˜love€™ to a Thai, what is €˜a lie€™, and what is €˜respect€™?  What is 'a friend'? What do Thais really value? How do they think about tomorrow?  How do they really think about money? What do they think about the concept of €˜sex=love€™ that is prevalent in western view. When you get past all the bullshit, what makes them happy, what gives them enjoyment?  Not one of these answers is simple and straightforward, and I can only hope to see the tip of the iceberg on them.  (Hint: you won€™t find the answer to any of these questions by asking a Thai). But it really is a case of (mostly) believing half of what you see and none of what you hear as the absolute truth. Stay here for a few years, and you will know what I am talking about.

So, so true. If only our new members understood this, many problems that arise from cultural differences would not happen.

We are separated from our Thai friends by geography, language & a completely different way of thinking!!

[pacman]

(Bumpa STIKKA @ Mar. 26 2010,21:29) A week before you come she'll have gotten a bit harder to get in touch with, but when you do it'll be great. Very reassuring for you.

You arrive at the airport and you're met by her room mate. That's strange...

She explains that your beloved has some family duties to take care of. You call her but there's no answer.

You crash in the hotel and the next day set about calling her but she's still unobtainable. You have an uneasy feeling in your gut now.

Within three days you're in Nana fishing for ladyboys like the rest of us and you're wondering how you could have been taken in so completely and with such apparent casual ease on her part.

Fuck! The old way of dealing with a problem by not dealing with it.

I hadn't given it a thought but it is so true what Bumpa writes. This has happened to people I know.

One such occassion involved an Aussie guy sending his girl her ticket to Oz so she could come & join him. She cashed it in 3 times before she used it.

And then it was to meet up with some guy she had met in her bar. The same bar she promised her boyfriend she would stop working for.

[halla]

(Chinaman @ Mar. 25 2010,21:27) I have met a lot of bms here and read from many others, who turned to lbs AFTER they went through what we might call a traditional life

Now who would want to go through THAT  

Marriage? Kids? I have the same view as you Tom. At least for now. I don't like kids. I've heard that it's supposed to be different when it's your own kids, but how can I know that to be true? Plus our parent generation really did a good job promoting marriage. A 50% success rate, or something. And a lot of those 50% that made it just seems miserable. Fuck it!

I find the negativity on this forum quite humorous sometimes. Not all people have the same experiences in the LOS, or anywhere else for that matter. But it seems like it's THE fact that it will never work out for you.

I've lived in Thailand for about 10 months now. I had a LB girlfriend for about 8 of those months. We have broken up now, so I guess it's not a success story. The reason we broke up is because I had to move to another part of the country for work reasons, and long distance relationships doesn't work. At least not for me. It's all the negative sides of being single, and being in a relationship, put together. It doesn't work.

She is still the best person I've met in Thailand. Farang, Thai, male, female or LB. I consider her the best friend I've made here, even though we're not together now. Who wants to be boyfriend with their phone anyways?

For the comment about being a young guy in Thailand not being able to be faithful. You know you don't have to base your life around the bar scene if you live in Thailand and if you have to work every day aswell. My life here is pretty dull I guess. It looked sort of like this when I had a GF:

Start work at 8 am, finished about 4-5pm, then take a shower if there's time and hurry up to Thai class. An hour of class. Then maybe 2-3 hours of "me time", yes I need some time for myself. Or chill out with some friends. Then off to eat dinner with the gf. Then maybe one hour or two to relax with her. Maybe watch a movie together. Or do homework for the Thai class. Then it's time for bed because you have to be at work before 8 o'clock the next day.

If you're gonna have time to butterfly on top of that you have to be superman or something. I had a hard time just trying to fit in the language class and home work into my day, as you usually get tired from a days work. I guess it would be easy to exchange the gf part with bargirls. But both together,not for me, I'm too lazy.

I guess it was kind of traditional life, just not. Work all day, but work you enjoy. Then back to the missus, but she have a little secret  Every day was pretty much the same, but not in a grey and cold place.

About being in a relationship with a Lb or a person of a different culture, and the problems people usually associate with this. This was the easiest relationship I've ever been in. It was so problem free it was almost boring. In our eight months we had one, only one, arguement. With a normal GG in farang land you would have more arguements in one hour

I guess if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, at least guys and lbs are from the same planet, although from different continents

Regardless of the result, going to Thailand may open up a realm of possibilities that I never saw coming. Life is to experienced. Moving there doesn't involve me selling a house or supporting any kids because I don't have those responsibilities. My job allows me to move to just about anywhere, so going to LOS wouldn't be detrimental to my career and I'm not going there to retire. Even if I get to LOS and it does all turn to shit I'll still be happy to be there. There are so many possibilities to be explored and when one door closes another opens.

Doesn't this say it all for you... You only have one life.

And why is it a big problem that he met her before moving there? If it doesn't work, what's the worst that can happen? Someone who has been reading here would probably not be the gullible farang that can be ripped to pieces by a cute lb, or would they? There is a lot on this forum that I don't agree with, and that doesn't match up with my experiences. But reading here I guess have made me less wounerable to the pitfalls of Thailand.

[tomscam]

If I take on board what all the naysayers have said, that I have no chance of making this work, then really I need to be moving to Thailand for "me" and not for her. Some people have mentioned this in the thread previously. Plan A: move to LOS. Plan B: be with her (or any other if it doesn't work with her). I understand and accept this and in the back of my mind had probably realised this already.

Now to decide which major town/city in which to live? BKK is great but very hot and polluted. Chang Mai is cooler but polluted (never been there but have been reading up about the place).

Much thanks for all the info/advice so far. It has helped focus my thoughts and given me a more informed perspective in which to make decisions.

[jimslim]

(EyeMahk @ Mar. 27 2010,03:55) Finally, treat the girl or LB like they really are.  They are Thai, they are not some smaller, cuter version of a western woman, or someone who is something less until she learns western ways. Where there is conflict, then you should act like a Thai person would rather than making your (and her) life more difficult in the long-run by teaching her some fucked-up western concept of how to behave.

Probably the wisest words written on these very parchments

[Guest]

go for it tomscam-ignore the negativity.Most people on this forum would swap places with you in a flash(me for sure).If I had one bit of advice its -follow your heart.Otherwise you will spend years wondering"what if?"(like I did)
I think the "up to you"catchphrase is quite refreshing compared to western women's mantra of "what about me?!"
Anyway,good luck to you lad,make the most of your life,you're a long time dead.!

[razrman]

Tomscam, as for the comments about young Western men in Thailand it would be same as for any other South East Asian city. You will get the local girls and ladyboys flocking for you, P4P or not.
Thailand represents some very good value for money and is an interesting place even without the bar scene.
And oh, have you thought of bringing her to Singapore? She'll be right at home here and I think so would you (except for the high cost of living)
And coincidentally, take a look at my blog, I've got a video about Westerners moving to Thailand.
Cheers

[JaiDee]

(tomscam @ Mar. 27 2010,02:41) IRegardless of the result, going to Thailand may open up a realm of possibilities that I never saw coming. Life is to experienced.

See Tom, now if you had started this whole thread with the above paragraphs  or I had just read your later posts, I would be cheering you on!!  I was only a ''doom and gloom'' kind of guy because, lets face it, your initial posts made it look like you were moving there just because you met a cute ladyboy;  THAT would be a bad idea and I would never back off from that, sorry.  But of course if you are just looking to become an ex-pat, I'd agree with your move 100% and cheer you on the whole way.

     I did the ultimate step myself, becoming a "half-half" guy in 2001 despite having 2 kids, a full-time job and a big family back home; not the type who could just abandon his offspring like yesterdays trash as so many ex-pats seem to do, I started a business and found a way to make it work and keep a place in BOTH countries, therefore enjoying the life I desired oversea's while keeping up with responsibilities  and the ones I TRULY  loved back home.   You don't have to worry about that type of stuff so you already have a leg up on the game.

   It's my job here [along with my pal,  the ever-gloomy Stewart] to be the forum cynic, so pardon me for seeming to dish out only the bad news on love affairs which never work;  but my job now for almost 9 years has been reading support mail from poor saps who fell in love with some girl or boy, got burned, moved back to their country and then cried on my shoulder about it.  I have read it on this forum for the same amount of time as well and I try to dole out advice on things I have seen, read and experienced myself over the years and if it is gloomy but saves just one person from getting burned, I think it's worth it.  

      But it's pretty moot as most people don't take my advice and think they know better anyway, so I give it out less and less these days and I never go in the Newbie room; what's the point if people won't listen?  I just couldn't ignore this thread because your initial posts seem to indicate that you were moving there because of some 20-year old LB you have known for all of 3 weeks;  come on man, do you REALLY believe that is a good idea?


   Doood, I am planning on being an ex-pat myself also within the next 3 years,  now that my kids are adults, so I can't preach to you;  I haven't decided where yet, but I can guarantee a few things;  it will be warm, cheap, and will have beaches and palm trees.  One other thing I can guarantee 100%;  it won't be because some girl or ladyboy lives there and IMO  your decision to move should not be based on something like that either.

  good luck!!

[guydesavoy]

 So you were that agony aunt writing for the Globe all those years JaiDee ?  

According to my OED, a 'cynic' is also known as a weary (wary ?) traveller  

eyemahk hits the mark as usual  

[JaiDee]

(EyeMahk @ Mar. 27 2010,03:55) But it really is a case of (mostly) believing half of what you see and none of what you hear as the absolute truth.

excellent post, Eyemahk!!  Your take on Thai culture is dead-on, and that whole post should be pinned somewhere.

One of the best I have read up here in a while,  you surely do "get it'' about living in Thailand and seem to have adjusted well, so good for you as we both know it's not easy and is a continual learning process.  I love the above quote also and people like Tom and all relative new guys have to remember that advice very well.


     I had another thought I'd like to post on the 'love' affairs I see between falangs and thai people but will hold off on it for now and see where this thread leads, it's kind of upbeat now so I won't bring the mood back down again  

[JaiDee]

(guydesavoy @ Mar. 27 2010,22:55) eyemahk hits the mark as usual  

Agreed 100% ........ that one post should be saved for posterity and read by all.....  

[guydesavoy]

Reminds me of a certain someone who started The Rookie Thread some 3.5 years ago

Sorry to Boarhog your thread tom

[razrman]

By the way, I know this is off topic but does anyone know how to say "Up to you" in Thai? I tried looking it up and failed. Thought it might just come in useful one fine day!

[Chinaman]

(razrman @ Mar. 29 2010,21:45) By the way, I know this is off topic but does anyone know how to say "Up to you" in Thai? I tried looking it up and failed. Thought it might just come in useful one fine day!  

just googled it and found a promotional video on Bangkok:
http://www.tripfilms.com/Travel_....eo.html

there they translate it as "Leaw Tae Khun"

haven't found the Thai writing though yet ...