My GG J-GF saw my SMSs to my LOS LB GF!

[Naang Faa]

(donnnnnny @ Jan. 27 2009,08:36) i dont   as its called "cheat" why is it the worlds women can not come to terms with nature and  realize its a natural  thing for men to fuck around

They know its in the male nature...They just wonder why
you silly plonkers always get caught....Coz you can't help
bragging who ya done 555..
x

[manarak]

She tolerates it now, but only as long as I don't openly tell anyone

@Norwchin

LOL - that's pretty much an ideal situation. what problems could remain now?

[doug]

you can buy a phone and sim card at MBK for less than 1000 baht (probably 500 baht if you're a good shopper).

use it while you're on holiday and then chuck it and the sim card in the bin when you go home (or go back to MBK and sell it back to a vendor).

it's the simplest precaution to take and requires very little effort. the excuse, "my phone don't work in Thailand" or "I got lazy" just doesn't cut it. it's just plain sloppy, imho. it's more likely that you wanted to get caught. On some level you recognized that the relationship was stagnating, and leaving a phone full of ladyboy SMS's around was your way of "shaking things up".

Either she bails and you're free to play or she sticks around and you're free to play. Either way, you're out of the closet, which is probably what you wanted in the first place.

I remind people constantly that protecting your privacy when on the p4p scene is just as important as protecting your little willy with a condom. You post is a classic example of how stupid it is to mix up your "real" life with your adventures in ladyboy Disneyland.

Your "real" phone should have never left the hotel room's safe, except when you're out doing "real" tourist stuff. But as soon as ladyboy's come around, it gets locked up and you NEVER, EVER give them the number!!

Leaving the phone lying around is just a shitty way to come out of the closet. Did you give a thought to her feelings when she found the phone? YOU want to have your cake and eat it too, but there are better ways to let her know what you want. Your girlfriend is probably a very nice person and doesn't deserve to be lied to like that. Dealing with the fact that a guy is "bi" and into ladyboys is hard enough for many girls to take, but you've tossed trust-issues and cheating into the mix now too. Exactly how well did you expect her to take it?

Guys, you've got two choices when taking a walk on the wild side. You can either man-up to it and let your gf/wife know what you're doing (and who knows? maybe she'll be into it to and you can spicy up the relationship with some fun, MUTUAL sex play), or you can keep things on the down-low and not tell her anything.

I'm not judging the guys who keep things secret, I've been there before myself too. But cheating is ALWAYS a shitty thing to do, and trying to justify it by claiming that the relationship had stagnated (no sex for six months? DEAL with that issue, dude!!) just doesn't cut it.

When you cheat, you're doing something wrong, period. That said, lots of guys do, and we all live in glass houses here, so I'm not preaching on it. But if you're going to do something wrong and hurtful, at least have the common sense to be careful about it.

The fact is, if you're in a long-term relationship with someone, they deserve honesty and trustworthiness. If you can't give that, then the very least you can do is make sure they don't find out in such a hurtful and mean way. Blaming it on her "snooping" or lack of sex-drive is bullshit, and you know it.

And now you're fucked. Even if she might have gone along with an "open" relationship before, she's never going to trust you again. People like to think that "open relationships" are the "best of both worlds", but I've been in them before and the reality is that they rarely work.

Being in a REAL "open" relationship requires a lot of commitment, trust and communication. It's real work to get it right. So it's most definitely NOT the "lazy man's relationship". And now you've totally blown that chance.

I've dated Japanese girls before, and they're all freaks. They love the kinky shit, and so with a little bit of suggestion, you probably could have persuaded her to join in on the fun. Heck, my ex-girlfriend and I used to troll the bars for ladyboys together, so I know it can be done. But you didn't "share" that part of your life with her, which is going to make her wonder what else you're holding back on her. It's more likely that you didn't want to share that part of your life with her. Which says to me that you're not wholy commited to a relationship with her, in spite of the length of time you guys have been together.

You've been doing the "lazy man's relationship" for a while now, just coasting along in a stagnant relationship (while cheating, of course), all the while dreaming about having a real "lazy man's open relationship", where you could openly get your kicks while still enjoying all the "perks" of having a "girlfriend".

Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's BULLSHIT.

Own up to it, man. You've been selfish and inconsiderate. You've been clinging to a dead-end relationship like a little boy clings to mommy's apron strings because you're too Jerry Maguire to go it alone. You claim it's a serious relationship, but you haven't shared some of the most basic fundamental truths about your life and sexuality.

You didn't open up to her (probably out of fear of losing an easy crutch), and so instead you leave it up to her to find out on her own. That's LAZY! You let her do the work of dragging your ass out of the closet, and you did it in a way that's hurtful and mean. Sorry, but that's the brutal, honest truth.

It doesn't matter whether or not she "tolerates" it now. It was still a shitty thing to do. You could have opened up to her before and saved yourself (and her) a world of grief. In all likelihood, this is the beginning of the end for you two. That hurt and doubt is going to gnaw at her no matter what she says. Either that, or you're going to get bored with a girl who's essentially acting like a doormat.

If you'd been more up front, this could have strengthened your relationship, not weakened it. But in my opinion, leaving a phone full of ladyboy SMS's lying around your apartment is a big neon sign saying: "I'm bored and I want to break up." You were just too chicken-shit/lazy to come out and say it yourself.

Whatever she says about "tolerating it", you're in for a long, hard road to rebuild the trust you've lost. My guess is that you'll take the lazy man's route again and just coast along until she "does the work" of breaking up with you. But if you're serious about this girl, you'll own up to the fact that you've really hurt her and you've got to face and deal with the issues that led you to stray in the first place.

Look, I know I'm coming off a bit harsh, but it sounds like you need a glass of cold water tossed in your face. You can delude yourself into thinking that having a "sexless" relationship with a girlfriend while you hounddog after ladyboys is the "best of both worlds" (and a lot of guys on here will pat you on the back and tell you that you're one "lucky" dude), but that's a crock of shit.

My experience with Japanese girls is that they're worse than the Irish. They'll put up with something that's broken forever, but that doesn't mean they'll be HAPPY about it. So yes, you can probably go on indefinitely like this and she'll probably "tolerate" it for quite a long time. But is she going to be happy? Probably not. And more importantly, do you even care if she's happy?

If your honest answer is that you're going to do whatever you want regardless of her feelings, then it's time YOU did the work of breaking up and moving on (even if that means, *gasp*, being single for a while until you find someone you CAN be honest with).

To all you other guys out there in similar situations I have this bit of advice:

1) Don't get caught.
2) If you find yourself wanting to get caught, it means you're ready to come out. So just own up to it like a man, FIRST. Don't take the coward's way out.

[dummy_plug]

Another option - use a Chinese knock-off dual SIM phone. Save all messages to the SIM card and as Doug pointed out, chuck the "other" SIM card away when done. Quick, easy, and cheap! With prepaid SIMs out there for 50 baht I wonder why I never did this sooner!