Texts from last night or morning after

[deepthroat]

I just finished a hilarious book full of nothing but text messages the authors claim to have compiled over the last few years. Entitled "Texts From Last Night - All The Texts No One Remembers Sending", it's one of the funniest reads I've experienced in a long long time.

Most of them are from college kids, usually drunk, high or hungover. Good to see the kids today are having as much fun as I did at that age!

A few favorites (numbers in parentheses are the area code the text originated from):

(770): Before I could say "i'm not that kind of girl", I was.

(717): hey this is Lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his hands

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

(865): we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
(865): and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

(310): my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.

(818): So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

[deepthroat]

A few more:

(512): I hit my head so hard last night drunk swimming at 430am that I thought I was gonna die in my sleep like Natasha Richardson. I went as far as to write a note that said "MOM GETS EVERYTHING." I found my 'will' this morning on a napkin covered in Easy Mac cheese sauce and pepperoni cubes. You missed a good time last night

(206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

(801): how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? I asked my brother ot google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.

(503): hey so do you know of any pussy modeling jobs?
(503): PUPPY. I meant puppy sorry

(858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

(425): dude, i'm now gay
(425): i mean 'not'

[deepthroat]

And a final few more:

(519): shit. I just accidentally sent a text meant for you to this girl i was trying to hook up with. Said "I just got cockblocked by her cousin in the most effective way possible." Her cousin had just died.

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

(208): woke up this morning to buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

(978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

(734): I was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but I could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
(1-734): what was she crying about?
(734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

(513): Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs

[f0xxee]

Hi DT,
They are drawn from the following website:

http://textsfromlastnight.com/Texts-...hts-Today.html     And is an excellent rainy day website.

And it raises a few interesting points:

Were we as drunk/drug-fucked/promiscuous as they are?
And
Women are at it as hard as men,
And
How the fuck does anyone graduate from College in the US?

[kahuna]

We majored in endurance and minored in cheating...

[guydesavoy]

Seems the future is still in safe hands  

If we had sms in our day I'm the sure the record would be much worse. That all seems pretty tame in comparison  

Example :

"Dude i just crashed the car and limped it back home. I left it in the street at 5am in front of my house, keys in ignition, doors open, stereo blaring. Crawled through my friend's bedroom window and just woke up next to his girlfriend. Now I can hear my old man out on the street screaming. Fuck, I'm screwed !" *

* True story  

[deepthroat]

Recently, I sent an SMS to my sister about the dance contest reality show "So You Think You Can Dance", raving about how much I loved the show. After sending I looked again and saw I'd sent it to one of my co-workers, a dude, and had thus "outed" myself as a dance fan. Not catastrophic but a bit embarrassing nonetheless.

[laputanegra]

don't drink and text

[Jake_Sully]

1 of my fav texts is..

(718) FUCK OFF!
(718) Oops not you.. you texted me at the wrong time, I was telling my gf to fuck off.

Needless to say I didn't text my friend again that day.

[guydesavoy]

(laputanegra @ Apr. 28 2010,12:37) don't drink and text  

Good advice...  

[Jake_Sully]

(laputanegra @ Apr. 28 2010,13:37) don't drink and text  

Kinda offtopic here, Don't text and drive too.. Its like a major epidemic here.

The 5 major diseases in the United States are 1. Ignorance 2. Texting while driving 3. Being gullible to talk show hosts logic 4. Forgetting to pay taxes & 5. Having affairs in media spotlight especially if you're famous and married.