Your views on... Solitude

[JaiDee]

Just curious about how many people who read here enjoy spending most of their time alone, or am the only one?

I've kind of always been a loner, even since junior high school, and that hasn't changed and in fact has only gotten more so as I get older. Solitude, being alone with a good book or my MP3 player, on a beach catching some sun or going for a long walk...sometimes for even an hour or 2.....always seems to be the way to go for me, and I am extremely happy most of the time and NEVER get lonely. Bored, yes.... lonely, no; and there is a huge difference.

Hanging out with big groups of people is a serious no-no for me as well; I always feel like there are too many people around and I have to chat with X,Y and Z constantly or I am being a bad host or just an overall bad guy in their eyes. Truth be told, give me one-on-one meetings anytime with friends whom I share something in common with and where a lot of serious chatting can get done, rather than a group of 5, 6 or 10 guys where you may get stuck with someone who you share NOTHING in common with.

I spend the majority of my time alone and enjoy it immeasurably .........no girlfriend, no wife, sometimes family members but usually just myself and with no complaints whatsoever. Most people I see in {long}relationships are miserable and I don't want to be miserable; when I am alone and get bored or I want to go chat with or see someone, I just go DO IT; and don't have to run it by anyone else first.

Anyone else feel the same or am I out on this proverbial island by myself?

[f0xxee]

I used to prefer to be alone: get buried in a book, work on the bikes, travel.

I was unimpressed at the idea of being in relationship and giving up the wonderful selfishness. I was single 10 years and loving it. So yeah Jaidee, I do get it.

When I met Mrs Foxxee it was challenging: choosing to walk away from the total freedom (or hedonism) of the single life. However now I don't ever want to go back to the single world, as long as I can stay with this wonderful girl. I have found that quiet companionship with a person who also reads, likes to travel and also allows me my private moments to ride and work on my bikes is better. A lot better.

In a line, better to be with someone that is compatible than to be single; better to be single than with some one who is not compatible.

[anthony70]

i too am loving being alone.
i was once told, there is a diference between being alone, and being lonely.
i dont have time to be lonely.
my business is a sole trader, all my hobbies are solo pursuits.
the most precious thing i own is my life.
i decide what i want to do and when.
as i get older, i become more annoyed at exterior noises.
whether it be kids in a supermarket, crying babies on a plane, people on public transport chatting loudly on phones...........
makes me angry.
my house is quiet man.
i like it.

[guydesavoy]

(f0xxee @ Mar. 12 2010,19:54) In a line, better to be with someone that is compatible than to be single; better to be single than with some one who is not compatible.

Right on Mr Foxxee. That being said, If the right partner isn't there, I am eminently happy in my own company.

As anthony said, alone does not equal lonely. Far from it.

It's not a mid-life thing, like JD, I have always preferred my own company. Sometimes I disagree with myself, but it's always an intelligent conversation

[manarak]

I self-diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome a couple of weeks ago... 'nuff said.

[farangbah]

A year ago I broke up with my cohabitating girlfriend of three and a half years. And I'm still waiting for the enjoyment of my solitude to diminish.

That's not a bitter lash at girls and relationships. I'm genuinely surprised that a year later I'm still happy to be alone.

When I first started to contemplate that this might actually be the way for me, and if that was OK and normal, a well-respected BM came through town. He of a similar disposition, while discussing this issue, off-handedly said, "I just like spending most of my time alone, and a little time with someone else, as opposed to most of my time with someone else, and a little time alone."

That just crystallized it. Kind of validated me.

I still think the idea of a "soul mate" is a beautiful one, or even a compatible partner. But as I feel I may just be starting to get my sea legs beneath me in the mid-summer of my life, I wonder if my receptors have started to close off to something like that right now.

Vamos a ver . . .

[pacman]

(farangbah @ Mar. 12 2010,21:21) I'm genuinely surprised that a year later I'm still happy to be alone.  

I can relate to that.

Being alone has disadvantages but the flip side is the freedom to do whatever one likes.

Yet should I meet someone special, I could give up the freedom in a second because after a while, the thing we crave is the thing we don't have.

I don't see any contradiction in that. In the meantime, being alone suits me fine.

[pacman]

(manarak @ Mar. 12 2010,21:06) I self-diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome a couple of weeks ago... 'nuff said.

Good grief! I haven't noticed anything in your posts to indicate you have Aspergers.

I don't claim expertise in these matters but doesn't the very fact that you participate in a public forum disqualify from making such a claim?

Perhaps a little more self-diagnosis is in order. Sufferers from Aspergers that I have met seem to me a whole lot different to the personality you display.

And they have an encyclopaedic memory. Can you remember whole pieces line-by-line from books you read many years ago? They can.

[whore]

I have to admit I am a complete loner. But I have come to like it alot. I hate mixing with extended family unless I really have to. I probably like spending time with my nieces and nephews more than the adults in my family. I dont drink, smoke or head out anymore. I spend most my free time going to the gym or out running or cycling.

One guy who I would have considered my best friend for years fell out with me after we met up in Thailand about 2 years ago. The 2 of us were thick as thieves years ago. Big ManU supporters, I could always be found in his house on a Saturday watching United play or just shooting the breeze. He was back packing around Asia and spent alot of time in Chang Mai. He travelled down to Koh Chang to meet me and he brought some GG from Chang Mai with him. One night out, he got pissed drunk and was going to go driving when he could hardly walk. I done the right thing looking out for him, and took the keys off him. Then later on in the night back at the room I heard shouting coming from the floor above. I went up and their he was choking and thumping the GG from Chang Mai. Straight away I pulled him off her and then he attacked me. I was probably abit excessive and ended up break a few of his ribs. The next morning he apologized and I explained to him that I was only looking out for him and that he could get into all sorts of shit by hitting the locals. He hasnt spoken to me since that trip and he only lives 10 minutes away from me.

Having friends is overrated and having girlfriends is too much hassle. I much prefer having online friends that I can turn on or off whenever it suits me.

[JaiDee]

(guydesavoy @ Mar. 12 2010,20:47) Sometimes I disagree with myself, but it's always an intelligent conversation

heh, nice line..... I disagree with myself a LOT; I am probably the most indecisive person I have ever known or met and it sometimes takes me 15 minutes just to leave the house!!  Very frustrating...... but it's MY problem and if I had someone around all the time I'd probably be even more indecisive.

  I wasn't just referring to relationships, but I can see how this thread would go that way; I was also referring to not hanging out with *anyone*, be it male or female.  I hate asking and running things by people, or them doing the same to me; when a good mate, an overnight long-time date, or even a girlfriend [back when I used to have such things]  are around me, it's always a lot of "so what are we doing today?''  or  ''where do you want to go for dinner'' or  ''what bar should the 5 of us start at TONIGHT?'' and similar such questions.  Man,  do I hate questions!!

   I don't know!  Lets just all do our own things and meet later on, deal? And until then, I am going to sleep alone, wake up alone, decide what I want to do alone, and then go do it without *asking* anyone and without anyone *telling* me what we are doing!  I am an adult, I can make up my own mind and do my own shit and despite the indecisive behavior mentioned before I usually do it just fine, thank you.

Ashamedly I had to google Asperger's Syndrome, although I had heard of it before. Shame if you do have that manarak, best of luck.

[JaiDee]

(whore @ Mar. 12 2010,21:52) I have to admit I am a complete loner. But I have come to like it alot.


I spend most my free time going to the gym or out running or cycling.

ya man, join the club/thread!!

Until I fucked up my back and then my shoulder I was a regular gym rat also, and I am probably 20 years older than you!! Loved it there, damn it....now, I console myself with a nice 2 mile walk in good weather, nothing beats it IMO and I always get my best thinking done during that hour or so.

[anthony70]

i actually dont like sharing my bed with someone else.
a man needs his sleep.
not broken sleep from a fidgeter, or someone getting up for a piss.
who wants 30 years of your partners alarm going off because they are up before you for work.?

[daveduke007]

(anthony70 @ Mar. 12 2010,16:34) , or someone getting up for a piss.

 Its the way you tell em Ant  

You had me having visions of a burly bricklayer or similar getting up from beside you then
or maybe its just my "warped" sense of British Humour coming out   

[katoeylover]

I live alone too, but work a lot including some nights. Sometimes it can be a pain, others its great.

I enjoy my own company, love watching insane and idiotic shows on telly, sport and other solo activities.

However sometimes i think it would be nice to have someone, but then would that put a serious clamp on my activities. I guess we singles dont get invited out as much as couples, but what the hell...

[JaiDee]

KL, since  you sleep alone in the UK, do you feel it very odd to sleep with someone when you are in Thailand?  You have a tee-rac there, so when she is in your bed do you feel crowded or do you sleep OK?

Same as Anthony I can't sleep with someone in my bed worth beans, I just toss and turn because I am used to having all that space to myself.