The christmas is cancelled

[batman4ever]

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches €˜cos I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those IRS assholes sent me a letter,

They say I owe taxes if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...so I'm IBM?

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my arse and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year you now know the reason,
I€™m in Pattaya with Noi for the season

[Snick]

You've all been very bad

[Stogie]

Why does Santa visit The Guess Bar THREE times a year?

So he can 'ho ho ho!'

[Stogie]

What do you get when you cross a post op with a vampire?

Frostbite!

[Stogie]

What was so good about the Pattaya freelancer I gave to TTChang for Christmas?

It was already wound up!

[seanbeag7]

Santa's Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[seanbeag7]

# I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!

[seanbeag7]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

[seanbeag7]

WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.

2. Even small ones give satisfaction.

3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.

5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.

9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

This is for Naang Faa

[Naang Faa]

This is for Naang Faa

What? you have a Christmas tree to stick up my ass?
x

[seanbeag7]

Well i got something a bit smaller if u like and u can even put a santa sock on it.

[Naang Faa]

ho ho ho

careful Sean or you'll be singing "all i want for Christmas is my two front teeth"
x

[seanbeag7]

[Guest]

(Naang Faa @ Dec. 12 2008,16:08)

This is for Naang Faa  

 What? you have a Christmas tree to stick up my ass?  
                                                                                              x

I'll be happy to give ya a hand,

Couldn't you two do his in the chatroom?

[seanbeag7]

10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.

4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.

5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

7. Santa's sack is really bulging.

8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!

9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

10. Did you get any under the tree?