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DENVER €” One of the ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive queer counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that (his idiot followers would believe that) he is "a completely cured penis pirate."
Haggard also winked to the commitee and said his sexual contact with young men was limited to the rent boy who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post.
"He is a completely cured bum bandit," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the bum boy wot made him do it. It wasn't as if he enjoyed it. No more Hershey Highjinks for this chap!"
Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard (that weren't male hookers) while investigating his ludicrous claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary, but admitted they didn't look for any.
Haggard resigned as queen teapot of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after evidence of his bum boy ways surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church for Young Lads that he founded years ago in his basement on a double bed, after Jones revealed Haggard paid him for hot gay sex and sometimes took drugs when they were fucking each other. Haggard, who is married to a woman, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."
Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his female 'partner', Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in mind games, where they could better elarn how to manipulate an ever increasingly gullible band of followers. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa, 'because they are pretty stupid up there...'
Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended forcing the fag out of town and the Haggards agreed saying that lynching was worth running away from.
"Anywhere else is a good place for the lying fraud," Ware said. "It's hard to hold your head up high in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to fuck off fast so we can forget about the cunt and we can concentrate on the remaining idiots that still supply us with loads of money for more discrete bumboy encounters."
It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to leave Christianity altogether and to go into secular work, maybe in a massage parlour or something...
Christians, eh? What a thick bunch of cunts! 
Haggard also winked to the commitee and said his sexual contact with young men was limited to the rent boy who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post.
"He is a completely cured bum bandit," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the bum boy wot made him do it. It wasn't as if he enjoyed it. No more Hershey Highjinks for this chap!"
Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard (that weren't male hookers) while investigating his ludicrous claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary, but admitted they didn't look for any.
Haggard resigned as queen teapot of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after evidence of his bum boy ways surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church for Young Lads that he founded years ago in his basement on a double bed, after Jones revealed Haggard paid him for hot gay sex and sometimes took drugs when they were fucking each other. Haggard, who is married to a woman, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."
Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his female 'partner', Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in mind games, where they could better elarn how to manipulate an ever increasingly gullible band of followers. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa, 'because they are pretty stupid up there...'
Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended forcing the fag out of town and the Haggards agreed saying that lynching was worth running away from.
"Anywhere else is a good place for the lying fraud," Ware said. "It's hard to hold your head up high in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to fuck off fast so we can forget about the cunt and we can concentrate on the remaining idiots that still supply us with loads of money for more discrete bumboy encounters."
It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to leave Christianity altogether and to go into secular work, maybe in a massage parlour or something...
Christians, eh? What a thick bunch of cunts!
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