Translating "Official" statements!

[stogie bear]

First up is TESCO, The UK's #1 supermarket and all around good guys of sneaky retailing...

Tesco has apologised for a 'mistake' over corn-fed chickens. Tesco has apologised for selling chicken labelled as corn-fed which had not eaten enough maize to meet minimum requirements...

A Tesco spokesman said:

"The integrity of our food is our greatest concern at Tesco.

"We conducted an immediate investigation and we have already determined that for a short time the farmer concerned inadvertently fed standard free-range feed - which does contain corn - to his chickens instead of the free-range feed that contains sufficient corn to satisfy Defra standards.

"While this only happened for a short period of time, it is completely unacceptable to us and to our customers.

"We apologise for what appears to be a case of human error at a supplier that services different retailers."

What this really means...

"We've been doing this for years. Now that we've been caught cheating our customers we'll be much more careful in the future about how we cheat them.

Damn and blast The Times newspaper and their bloody do-gooders for investigating us and catching us out.

Scamming the public is fair game and everyone is doing it. It's not right to single out us for special attention because everyone does this sort of thing.

Fuck the general public. They believe everything we tell them and it's a pain in the ass when interfering tossers like the daily tabloids come gunning for us.

Hopefully we won't get caught in future."

There is a culture of bullshit being dished out to the public and we are gonna hear about it on this thread!

SB

[stogie bear]

Police searching for Madeleine McCann have issued a description of a man seen walking close to her apartment on the night she disappeared.

Here's the police statement...

The white man, said to be 35 to 40 years old, was seen at about 9.30pm on 3 May in Praia da Luz, Portugal.

He is said to be 5ft 10in, medium build with short hair, and wearing a dark jacket, beige trousers and dark shoes.

The Portugese police told a news conference the man was "carrying a child or an object that could have been taken as a child". Ch Insp Olegario de Sousa urged the man or anyone who had seen him to come forward. The description of the man was given by one witness involved in the case, he said, but would not elaborate.

Here's what Ch Insp Olegario de Sousa should have said...

We have botched up this investigation from the start and the crime scenes were fouled up from the moment we blundered in and began working on this case.

We never thought that this case would turn out to be so high profile so we are grabbing at straws to try to convince the public that we are doing something right and making headway on this crime.

But in reality we don't have a hope in hell of finding this girl and we are hoping that she'll just turn up somewhere so we can wade in and get some credit for 'finding' her.

To be honest - we have better things to do than roam the country looking for one British kid when there are a lot more serious things happening to our own countrymen.

I hope this just quietly goes away so we can continue being the incompetant blundering twats that we are.

Those cops haven't got a hope in hell of finding that girl.

[Snick]

Electronics retailer Best Buy is facing a civil suit brought by Connecticut's attorney general, seeking to punish the company for misleading customers with a phony internal Web site.

Best Buy official strongly deny the charges leveled by Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, who claims that store employees deliberately mislead customers to deny them access to lower prices advertised on the company's Web site. When buyers came to stores seeking the online discounts, they were shown an ersatz Web page running on the store's internal fileserver displaying higher prices, the suit alleges.

Blumenthal told the Associated Press that, "Best Buy gave consumers the worst deal - a bait-and-switch-plus scheme luring consumers into stores with promised online discounts, only to charge higher in-store prices."

Best Buy countered in a statement released by spokeswoman Susan Busch, saying that the retail chain "used the same Web site platform for these in-store kiosks as we did for our national Web site."

The suit seeks customer refunds, civil penalties, and a ban on the practice, among other remedies. Best Buy has until June 13 to respond to the attorney general's complaint before it is filed with the state's Supreme Court.

The civil case follows an investigation conducted by Blumenthal's office in March, pursuing reports that consumers had been deceived and overcharged at Best Buy stores. One such case was documented by a reporter for the Hartford Courant newspaper, alleging that a Connecticut man went to a Best Buy store to buy a laptop PC that was advertised on BestBuy.com for $729.99. A store employee looked up the product on an internal Web site, which showed a price of $879.99 for the item, according to the report.

Best Buy's Busch acknowledged that a small percentage of customers did not receive the best price for products displayed on the in-store computer kiosks. She added that as soon as the issue was brought to the attention of Best Buy management, it was swiftly remedied. "We provided immediate training for our employees to help ensure that all customers received the best price" Busch said. "We are in the process of making changes to eliminate future confusion."

Translation:
Yea we know we did it, but we will pretend its an accident and settle out of court.

[katoeylover]

Asda fined for out-of-date food

A customer complaint to trading standards sparked the investigation
Supermarket giant Asda has been fined nearly £80,000 after two of its stores in south Wales were found to be selling out-of-date food.

In one case, trading standards officers found a pack of lamb chops 31 days past its use-by date on the shelves of its Cwmbran store.

Magistrates in Abergavenny fined Asda £78,750 and ordered it to pay £10,000 costs after it admitted 59 offences.

The firm said staff have since been disciplined and teams retrained.

The court heard how trading standards officers from Torfaen Council posed as customers and found food past its use-by-date on sale at the Cwmbran store and the Duffryn store near Newport.

Some of the food discovered was a packet of lamb chops which was a month out of date and was found months after Asda was alerted about the problem.

The firm said it could not give any explanation for the lamb chops and suggested the label was wrongly printed.

Following the hearing, a spokesman for the firm said: "We're obviously disappointed that at a local level two stores did not properly implement our very thorough date code checking system.

"Although the products highlighted only represent 0.1% of all the products on sale in those stores, they should have been spotted and taken off sale.

"It was an oversight by the colleagues locally who have all since been retrained and rebriefed.

"We would like to apologise to all our customers who shop in those stores - and reassure them that everyone is determined it doesn't happen again."

[katoeylover]

Translation: "We got caught again, and blamed the guys we told we would sack unless they got their wastage problem under control.


Anyone who buys fresh food from supermarkets is asking for troube..

[moe666]

I try to only buy at locally owned stores, it cost a bit more but is worth it to know if I have a complaint I can talk to a real person who has an interest in fixing the problem.

[Guest]

Man, Best Buy is a bunch of scumbags, I'll tell you that much.

There are so many websites out there that detail the long arduos stories of their evil, and I call it evil because it goes beyond incompetence.

I talked to a guy who used to work there and just switched to a new electronics store that moved in across the street. He said their appliance sales people make $10 an hour, not commission like most electronics stores. So not only do they fuck the customers, they fuck their employees.

Just for shits and giggles, I recommend everyone go to their website and try to fill out their online job application. See how far you get. It is downright weird and invasive. The same ex-employee told me he got as far as manager training, and they told them that the online app is in fact an elaborate psychological test to see who is sheeplike enough to complete the process. They know anyone that completes the online app is exactly the type of employees they want.

[nigel69]

I can't imagine any of this happening in Thailand! At least we have very rigorous standards applied to most economic entities ,in the Countries where most of us originate from.If the standards applied to these Companies, was applied to the Companies/individuals in LOS, the place would fall apart in a week.
Question - "What happened to the money we gave you to build the new runways at Suvarnabuhmi airport?"
Answer - " We said it would cost 600,000,000 bht and after taking 599,999,999 bht for costs, we just had to use inferior products, to complete the job."
I ,for one, head straight for the Tesco Lotus store in Khon Kaen, as soon as I arrive.Without Corn Flakes & Low Fat milk for breakfast, breakfast in Issan could be deep fried crickets.