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A year ago or so, time was not the only thing on my hands, and one uneventful night, I decided to step out to one of the most godawfuldepressing places in America.
Yes ... the SanFernando valley. In particular to the 'gentlemens' clubs (hmm ... Gentlemen, ehh? ... would they still let me in? ... would I want to be in a club that would actually want to let me in?).
So after cruising the industrial dives, I found one that met my admitedly low standards, and sidled on past the eight-hundred pound gorrila posing as a bouncer on my way to see the girls.
Gentlemen indeed; actually more like off-duty oil workers who came straight from work (yuch, no shower). A good working class of 'gentlemen' ... I was safe.
Can't say I was too enthused by the girls or their clientele, so just sat and drank, and talked to the girls when they ran out of other customers to solicit. I talked to a Russian banger, fresh off the boat ... complained about how everyone hates the Russians (I hadn't said anything, but I can imagine the Russians aren't too popular with investors), and showing me how she could exert power over me with her eyes (sort of a 'lets see who blinks first' thing).
Another girl with pierced nipples (ouch) from Kentucky came over and complained about how bad the retirement benefits are in porn (like ... this is really something you worry about).
... and another tried to get me to lick distilled spirits off her tits (messy and expensive at $20 a pop)
Off course, their income mostly comes from lap dances
Now why the fuck anybody would pay for a lap dance completely evades me ... if this isn't just the epitome of desperation ... a rent-o-slut waves her smelly muff around in my face in the process of gaining access to my wallet. Excuse me while I just light my cigar with a $50 bill
So I'd like to engage the experienced (jaded?) and fertile intellects of pornmeisters Jon and Stogie to enlighten us on porn conundrum #1
... what the hell is so appealling about a lap dance?
Well, and I guess those of you who watch porn movies (you know who you are) might also ask another question, which certainly has been on my mind ... porn conundrum #2
... what the fuck is with the big hair, and those ugly platform shoes? Did they walk into the wrong set ... is this Bozo's Big Adventure ... it can't be erotica ... not with the clown shoes and hair. Give me a break, in every porn film (at least the beginnings, when the girls still have their clothes on ... I'm not sure if you actually watch this part, or maybe just fast forward to the good stuff, but take my word ...) these girls walk around in teased hair and 6" (at least) platform heels ... it's dangerous. How many Achilles tendons have been damaged in the name of porn fashion?
... and finally ... the biggest mystery of all ... porn conundrum #3 ...
... why the fuck are the guys in these films always slapping the girls butts? As if KY'd double uber-peckered anal penetration doesn't do enough damage already to the poor girls' tender but ample derrieres, porn guys feel the need... like frustrated Gene Kruppas... to rap out a driving rhythm on the girls' pristine glutei maximi, until red welts lash across their tender meat ... hey I'm getting a little excited now too ...
Anyway ... why the fuck do these guys keep slapping the girls' butts?
Just wanted to get that off my chest ...
... any thoughts?
Yes ... the SanFernando valley. In particular to the 'gentlemens' clubs (hmm ... Gentlemen, ehh? ... would they still let me in? ... would I want to be in a club that would actually want to let me in?).
So after cruising the industrial dives, I found one that met my admitedly low standards, and sidled on past the eight-hundred pound gorrila posing as a bouncer on my way to see the girls.
Gentlemen indeed; actually more like off-duty oil workers who came straight from work (yuch, no shower). A good working class of 'gentlemen' ... I was safe.
Can't say I was too enthused by the girls or their clientele, so just sat and drank, and talked to the girls when they ran out of other customers to solicit. I talked to a Russian banger, fresh off the boat ... complained about how everyone hates the Russians (I hadn't said anything, but I can imagine the Russians aren't too popular with investors), and showing me how she could exert power over me with her eyes (sort of a 'lets see who blinks first' thing).
Another girl with pierced nipples (ouch) from Kentucky came over and complained about how bad the retirement benefits are in porn (like ... this is really something you worry about).
... and another tried to get me to lick distilled spirits off her tits (messy and expensive at $20 a pop)
Off course, their income mostly comes from lap dances
Now why the fuck anybody would pay for a lap dance completely evades me ... if this isn't just the epitome of desperation ... a rent-o-slut waves her smelly muff around in my face in the process of gaining access to my wallet. Excuse me while I just light my cigar with a $50 bill
So I'd like to engage the experienced (jaded?) and fertile intellects of pornmeisters Jon and Stogie to enlighten us on porn conundrum #1
... what the hell is so appealling about a lap dance?
Well, and I guess those of you who watch porn movies (you know who you are) might also ask another question, which certainly has been on my mind ... porn conundrum #2
... what the fuck is with the big hair, and those ugly platform shoes? Did they walk into the wrong set ... is this Bozo's Big Adventure ... it can't be erotica ... not with the clown shoes and hair. Give me a break, in every porn film (at least the beginnings, when the girls still have their clothes on ... I'm not sure if you actually watch this part, or maybe just fast forward to the good stuff, but take my word ...) these girls walk around in teased hair and 6" (at least) platform heels ... it's dangerous. How many Achilles tendons have been damaged in the name of porn fashion?
... and finally ... the biggest mystery of all ... porn conundrum #3 ...
... why the fuck are the guys in these films always slapping the girls butts? As if KY'd double uber-peckered anal penetration doesn't do enough damage already to the poor girls' tender but ample derrieres, porn guys feel the need... like frustrated Gene Kruppas... to rap out a driving rhythm on the girls' pristine glutei maximi, until red welts lash across their tender meat ... hey I'm getting a little excited now too ...
Anyway ... why the fuck do these guys keep slapping the girls' butts?
Just wanted to get that off my chest ...
... any thoughts?
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