Meet the parents

[Guest]

Just back from Sakon Nakon in the North-East of Thailand about 1 hour from the Laos border, where I spent 3 days with May's family.

It was a very, very nice time. They welcomed me just like any other suitor of their daughter, and I met pretty much the whole extended family, including grandma. I even drank with the boys the requisite bottle of whiskey to do the male bonding thing. I had a grand total of 7 Buddhist blessings from each female in the family (I think wishing us a good marriage a few times, but May wouldn't say!).

All I can say is that it was identical to meeting your girlfriend's family the first time.

So the 2 things I learned from this were...

1. Don't do this quickly. You have an implicit responsibility that you're going to see the girl again, and maybe the family. It is a big thing to introduce you to her family. Think of her feelings. In this case, I do intend to see May again many times, and her family.

2. The idea of "nurture" (vs nature) is so ludicrous as to be unimaginable if you see the settings these LBs grow up in. Imagine a large drinking, smoking father, a very normal brother and sister, a town with very few LBs...the last thing in the world a boy would want to do in that place is dress like a girl. It only gives me further admiration for their strength.

I plan to post a few pics later in the week...

[Road Runner]

It's not unusual for the father to attemt to beat the idea of being a ladyboy out of them.  

Yep - corporal punishment is widely practiced in rural Thailand.

Many times the mother will support their 'daughter' in other cases the mother is so afraid of the father that she always sides with him.

As you say Ziggy - forget the nuture bit  

Glad you had the experience of meeting the family. Herself's family treat me like an honored guest.

RR.

[Phantom]

Great post ziggy,i am off to do same thing in a couple of weeks,in a similar area.
I had not previously thought about how tough it is for them to want to become a ladyboy,it takes some guts to tell your family you want to dress as a girl.
We tend to take so much for granted,and think too much about us,and our feelings,i know these trips can be real eye openers.

[BAM]

It's not unusual for the father to attemt to beat the idea of being a ladyboy out of them.  

Alot of Ladyboys I've talked to didn't have much to say about there fathers..... however all loved there mothers very much.

[Guest]

Next part of advice...

1. Be ready to eat inedible food cooked by mum, with your hands.
2. Be ready to maybe drink hard liquor one shot at a time until bottle empty.
3. As someone else said, 2 words, "mosquito repellant"!
4. Be yourself. These rural people are gentle, kind people like every other rural place
in the world. They will very, very naturally, be curious about you, just like any
mum and dad would. But I didn't feel overly dissected, no more than when I dated
GGs and visited their parents first time.
5. Best practice basic Thai a little more (I should have!).
6. Gifts I think are somewhat expected, but not much really. And note, many Thais
never say thank-you for gifts. This isn't rude, I've just noticed it is sort of a norm.
Gifts worht a few hundred baht is fine. I bought a sarong for mum, watch for dad,
each worth about 300 baht; that was good enough to show goodwill.

[post-op lover]

It's not unusual for the father to attemt to beat the idea of being a ladyboy out of them.

Alot of Ladyboys I've talked to didn't have much to say about there fathers..... however all loved there mothers very much.

That's the very same thing I've noticed; from 3 that I've had the most conversations with:

J (Thai): she felt a little sad when her dad died, but had pretty harsh words about how he treated her mom.
K (Filipina): Never mentioned father, only mother and some sisters.
M (Thai): Very little about father (I think he's dead)

I have the impression that in at least some cases the father left & remarried. That may have helped the mother / TS-daughter relationship a bit.

[stogie bear]

Often I'm a bit cynical about the 'experts' and travel guides that I read that tell us what we should and shouldn't do in other peoples countries! You know what I mean? Pointing with your feet, touching the head etc... it's all bollocks and people who write this garbage usually have about two weeks of experience in Thailand and evidently learn the whole damn country in that time!

However the issue of visiting the family IS an important one worthy of discussion. I went through the same experience that Ziggy did line for line. If you DO decide that this is something that you want to do then it's important that you realise the implications for the girl.

She'll be asked about you for the rest of her life. If you bugger off and leave her after a few days this will result in a massive loss of face for the girl. Certainly I would only recommend doing this if you are in a serious relationship that you think will last. A day trip would be more appropriate if you are not!

I also had to eat cold duck gristle with dirty rice off a filthy plate sat crosslegged on an old mat! Yuck... never will do THAT again! Also got healthily drunk with the lads of the family too! Now - that WAS fun! Small gifts of course especially for the kids. (There will be kids - there always are! Even if they belong to another family a bunch of curious giggling kids will show up to run around and gape and giggle at you!)

If you are good with kids this is your moment to shine and cement your relationship with the family elders. If not - stick with the cheap liquor and the girlfriends brothers!

Have a favourite football team ready! They'll think you're a bit strange if you don't like football, so be ready to answer the question "What team you like?" (And choose between Manchester United, Liverpool or Arsenal. Chelsea is permitted also these days!)

Every family in Thailand has a brilliant plan to make money which requires an initial investment from... yup, you've guessed it... YOU! With Thais you can promise the earth and be forgiven for not coming through with the goods, but be VERY careful about what you commit to financially. Ambitious Thais do not forget to borrow money. They only forget to repay it!

If you're lucky there will be something going on in the village like a wedding or a birth etc. Actually things don't change too much. There is just more horrible food to decline, the music is louder and instead of going to bed at 8PM the town my stay up past midnight!

Be prepared to sleep in expreme discomfort and take iodine for the water and repellent for the pesky bugs! Thais are made of strong stuff on the inside and you'll get the shits in a heartbeat if you aren't very careful.

A one time visit to a family in rural Thailand can change your view of life and many other things. I was very envious of the inate contentment and genuine happiness that these people have despite some pretty horrific living conditopns that I personally could never put up with for long.

[Looker]

A one time visit to a family in rural Thailand can change your view of life and many other things. I was very envious of the inate contentment and genuine happiness that these people have despite some pretty horrific living conditopns that I personally could never put up with for long.

I guess I won't ever go that far but I've been Uthai Thani, forgive the possibly wrong spelling, which is some 4-5 hours by car north of BKK, to visit a kid I was sponsoring thru a charity organization.
Life in rual communities it's harsh but don't forget that it will become harsher for people who come to the cities and they never make it big and not even reaching decent life level. They live like shit in BKK and feel even worst when going back to the village

[Guest]

You got it Stogie.

I feel a huge responsibility now to follow through on some level of kindness or visiting again to give May some pride that I'm a decent bloke, but I'm ok with that.

My main lesson was not to do this for the fun of it. It's a somewhat serious event for these girls.

[jellybean]

Glad to hear everything worked out just fine for you Ziggy, your experiences very closely mirror my own and I agree with SB about the impact it can have on one's outlook on life, certainly made me stop and re-evaluate what is important to me in my life.

[Road Runner]

Next part of advice...

1. Be ready to eat inedible food cooked by mum, with your hands.
2. Be ready to maybe drink hard liquor one shot at a time until bottle empty.
3. As someone else said, 2 words, "mosquito repellant"!
4. Be yourself. These rural people are gentle, kind people like every other rural place
   in the world. They will very, very naturally, be curious about you, just like any
   mum and dad would. But I didn't feel overly dissected, no more than when I dated
   GGs and visited their parents first time.
5. Best practice basic Thai a little more (I should have!).
6. Gifts I think are somewhat expected, but not much really. And note, many Thais
   never say thank-you for gifts. This isn't rude, I've just noticed it is sort of a norm.
   Gifts worht a few hundred baht is fine. I bought a sarong for mum, watch for dad,
   each worth about 300 baht; that was good enough to show goodwill.

Hello Ziggy

1. The inedible food - normally they will understand that the food may not be your thing - smile politely and try one mouthful if you can.

2. I never had to drink hard liquor - it's not a problem for me but herself's family never offered. Many of the men in the family do like their Thai whiskey - I only like one Scottish malt which is not available in Thailand.

3. Mosquito repellant - yes good point - they love me big style  

4. Yes that is pretty much what I found. I've visited about 10-12 times now. They just accept me like I'm one of the family.

5. My Thai is s**t - her family do their best with sign language and somehow her grandfather and me get on really well.   We take the p**s out of her behind her back    I hope she's not reading this.

6. Yes good point - any gifts even only 100 Baht are well received - but as Ziggy says - the Thais seem almost indifferent when you give them gifts    This is normal - it's the loss of face thing - you open the gifts after the guest has left - you do not show any emotion when they are given. That I found one of the strangest things. I still find it hard when I give Herself'  presents.

Stogie is right about how important visiting the family is - they do keep asking when we are going to get married. They know you are having sex (it's not the big deal in Thailand that we make of it) they will expect some sort of commitment. This can be marriage or money - it's negotiable. You pay the whole family for having sex with their 'daughter' - strange to us but true. The fact that 'she' is a ladyboy is no big deal.

Never got asked about football teams. I do have good fun with the kids - they are will behaved - but also naughty like kids!

I've not been presented with the money making plan by the family - but herself has come up with a few  
Most have been beyond the pale and I have said so. Luckily I think her grandfather still runs things and he seems like a sensible guy.

Village events? - there always seems to be something going on.

Sleeping with the family - yes it's communal and it's on the floor! I have no problem with this - I can sleep standing up !Not sure how they have sex without everyone else knowing. We normally decamp to a local hotel for the night  

The only thing that puts me off are the toilet facilites - there are about 50 people sharing the same squat toilet. The thing is it's always clean - I have not worked out yet who cleans it  

As Stogie says -  'A one time visit to a family in rural Thailand can change your view of life and many other things. I was very envious of the inate contentment and genuine happiness that these people have despite some pretty horrific living conditopns that I personally could never put up with for long. '

I can stand the conditions for a limited period - but it's always nice to escape back to a hotel    However these peple maybe poor - but as Stogie says they seem more happy and content than we do.

If  you really fall for her and she want's to take you to see her family - don't hesitate - just be prepared to have your world shaken a little  

RR.

[Guest]

Is that bangkok May??

[Guest]

Ziggy mentioned earlier, maybe in aniother thread, that it is May from Cascades, IIRC.

[PigDogg]

Have a favourite football team ready! They'll think you're a bit strange if you don't like football, so be ready to answer the question "What team you like?" (And choose between Manchester United, Liverpool or Arsenal. Chelsea is permitted also these days!)

New York Giants....they'll think I'm strange allright!

[PigDogg]

 However these peple maybe poor - but as Stogie says they seem more happy and content than we do.

yup, life's not about the bucks!