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Over time I've watched my sexual preferences evolve. I used to think I was a totally solid hetero, wife, kids, the whole nine yards. About ten years ago though , I discovered that genetic women weren't the only option as a feminine attraction and began down the slippery path to gender alternatives. In order to understand my own progression of sexual preference I've spent a while pondering the question of the make-up of the sexual universe. When you first figure out that things are not neatly black and white you may experience some pain and confusion. Society can inflict uncomfortable head trips on those who don't conform. The following is my personal conception of how people fall into a scheme of sexual definition. It doesn't have anything to do with how people's minds get configured into any particular ID, attraction, or attitude category. That is obviously a topic of considerable debate and difference of opinion best left for another time. Here's how I see things; you get to choose one from each of the categories:
Physical Gender Gender Identification Gender Attraction Sexual Expression
Male Male Male Dominant
Female Female Female Submissive
Hermaphrodite Androgynous Both Variable
(Male-to-Female)
(Female-to-Male)
I think this scheme pretty much covers the waterfront. There are 135 possible combinations and I would guess that you could find yourself somewhere in that mix. If you add in the few people who are asexual you end up with 136 choices. People who are asexual may or may not have a gender identification but they have no gender attraction. I guess they don't mind but they've been dealt a pretty uninteresting hand.
The category of gender attraction perhaps bears a little further consideration because it is of particular interest to those of us who find ladyboys and femboys interesting. Any of the descriptions in the categories above have variability but this one clearly shows a continuous spectrum from one end to the other. Where you are on the spectrum will determine just how far toward hetero or homo you are. Plunked fully and unequivocally on one or the other end you will have no problem saying which team you bat for. Most of us find that there are subtle and interesting gradations and while we anchor at one or the other end we may well find that we can move rather far toward the other when we encounter the right person displaying the proper attraction. Some bounce happily from one end to the other and thus earn the bi nomination.
Why would anyone really care about all this? Only in the sense that some people may be confused as to whether they belong in some arbitrary category of straight, gay, or bi. They may experience unnecessary mental anguish because what society tells them is right or wrong, good or bad. Understanding that there are suitable shades of gray can go a long way to relieving your mind and let you get happily back to shagging the person or persons of your dreams.
Because we happen to find ladyboys attractive we could be superficially labeled as gay since we obviously are sexually aroused by another person whose physical gender is the same. I think that's not likely true. Transgender women, ladyboys. and femboys can be either physically male or less often post-op, most usuallly female gender ID, most usually male gender attraction (they don't get stiff when we play with them for no reason), and either sexual expression.
Let's consider myself as an example. I have male physical characteristics, male gender ID, female gender attraction, and a dominant sexual expression. I don't have any significant male gender attraction although I do push fairly far out into the femboy gender attraction spectrum. I find genetic girls attractive physically and can have pleasant sexual relationships with the right one (although for the most part their mental bullshit completely turns me off). Male ID just doesn't do anything for me. I am simply a heterosexual with an open mind and appreciation of femininity in its many manifestations.
Therefore, while I might find a female or male-to-female person very attractive on sight and although her gender ID was female, if her gender attraction was female, even though she might be submissive we would make no connection. She would be a lesbian, or gay if you will, and would find nothing attractive about me or anyone with a male gender ID.
It's pretty easy for me to conclude that someone who is physically male, male gender ID, female attraction, and occasionally or always submissive can easily have a heterosexual orientation, not gay. You might find it an utter turn-on to be stuffed by your genetic girlfriend with a strap-on or by some cute ladyboy with a nice stiff dick but have not a whisker of desire for some studly gay guy.
It's also reasonable to figure that a guy who has male gender ID, male attraction, and any sort of sexual expression will be homosexual even if his choice of partner is a female-to-male person with a fully functioning vagina. She could either be bi or homosexual.
I've certainly found this way of conceptualizing the sexual universe helpful in understanding myself. Over the years I've gotten a whole lot more comfortable with where I stand in the big picture of sexual orientation and attraction and how to relate to other people out there. If it helps make sense of your own situation by all means make use of it.
Physical Gender Gender Identification Gender Attraction Sexual Expression
Male Male Male Dominant
Female Female Female Submissive
Hermaphrodite Androgynous Both Variable
(Male-to-Female)
(Female-to-Male)
I think this scheme pretty much covers the waterfront. There are 135 possible combinations and I would guess that you could find yourself somewhere in that mix. If you add in the few people who are asexual you end up with 136 choices. People who are asexual may or may not have a gender identification but they have no gender attraction. I guess they don't mind but they've been dealt a pretty uninteresting hand.
The category of gender attraction perhaps bears a little further consideration because it is of particular interest to those of us who find ladyboys and femboys interesting. Any of the descriptions in the categories above have variability but this one clearly shows a continuous spectrum from one end to the other. Where you are on the spectrum will determine just how far toward hetero or homo you are. Plunked fully and unequivocally on one or the other end you will have no problem saying which team you bat for. Most of us find that there are subtle and interesting gradations and while we anchor at one or the other end we may well find that we can move rather far toward the other when we encounter the right person displaying the proper attraction. Some bounce happily from one end to the other and thus earn the bi nomination.
Why would anyone really care about all this? Only in the sense that some people may be confused as to whether they belong in some arbitrary category of straight, gay, or bi. They may experience unnecessary mental anguish because what society tells them is right or wrong, good or bad. Understanding that there are suitable shades of gray can go a long way to relieving your mind and let you get happily back to shagging the person or persons of your dreams.
Because we happen to find ladyboys attractive we could be superficially labeled as gay since we obviously are sexually aroused by another person whose physical gender is the same. I think that's not likely true. Transgender women, ladyboys. and femboys can be either physically male or less often post-op, most usuallly female gender ID, most usually male gender attraction (they don't get stiff when we play with them for no reason), and either sexual expression.
Let's consider myself as an example. I have male physical characteristics, male gender ID, female gender attraction, and a dominant sexual expression. I don't have any significant male gender attraction although I do push fairly far out into the femboy gender attraction spectrum. I find genetic girls attractive physically and can have pleasant sexual relationships with the right one (although for the most part their mental bullshit completely turns me off). Male ID just doesn't do anything for me. I am simply a heterosexual with an open mind and appreciation of femininity in its many manifestations.
Therefore, while I might find a female or male-to-female person very attractive on sight and although her gender ID was female, if her gender attraction was female, even though she might be submissive we would make no connection. She would be a lesbian, or gay if you will, and would find nothing attractive about me or anyone with a male gender ID.
It's pretty easy for me to conclude that someone who is physically male, male gender ID, female attraction, and occasionally or always submissive can easily have a heterosexual orientation, not gay. You might find it an utter turn-on to be stuffed by your genetic girlfriend with a strap-on or by some cute ladyboy with a nice stiff dick but have not a whisker of desire for some studly gay guy.
It's also reasonable to figure that a guy who has male gender ID, male attraction, and any sort of sexual expression will be homosexual even if his choice of partner is a female-to-male person with a fully functioning vagina. She could either be bi or homosexual.
I've certainly found this way of conceptualizing the sexual universe helpful in understanding myself. Over the years I've gotten a whole lot more comfortable with where I stand in the big picture of sexual orientation and attraction and how to relate to other people out there. If it helps make sense of your own situation by all means make use of it.
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