The Book is Finally Published!

[Nemisis]

Chapter 30 €“ Three Some, Tease some, Tiger & Poe

So I'm back in Holland tail between my legs, and a hard lesson learnt. I was contemplating on just taking a couple of micro-light flights the next trip, which was in a few months. Then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute you silly twat, first of all it's too much of an expensive hobby, and secondly, it's still up in the air, only without a bloody parachute... catch yourself on boy... It's bad enough taking your life in your own hands just on the mongering side by a fatal disease or something, let alone adding odds on favorite, to come home in a box!" So I listened to myself, and concluded the whole matter with, "Ahk! When you're right, you're right Paul." Anyway, the whole goal of the micro-light thing was to achieve the getting of the license, just to see if I could, and nothing more.

It wasn't too long before I was back in Pattaya, checking in at the reception of the Sawasdee Saim, and did my routine of haggling, and emptying the mini bar. Showered, and was crouched over the starting line, waiting for the gun to go off. Started my usual first day's bar crawl, thinking a couple of cold ones wouldn't go a miss, purely for the purpose to adjust to the hot climate, you understand. Walking all the way, with several pit stops, I ended up in Soi 2, around 10pm, to see if Winai was out of prison. Yep he was, so that session went on till around 4am, when his missus ordered him home. So I strolled around to the bar where Welsh Paul took his first LB.

A cute 19-year-old girl was all over me, and full of beans. So I bar-fined her, but sat on a while longer, as I wasn't yet finished acclimatizing. Shortly after that, a LB joined our company, who was best friend to the young girl, and shared a room, but later I found out that wasn't all they shared. So then the three of us had a bit of craick, till around 6am. Feeling tired, I made a move to go back to the hotel, and of course the LB had a motorcycle, so the three of us piled on, and weaved our way back to the hotel. Now the LB wasn't just going to drop us off, "One more drink in the loom Paul!" Why not I thought, after all she was great craick, and we all got on well from the start, but then I noticed her as she passed housekeeping in the corridor asking for an extra towel, mmmmmm, wonder what that's for. I think these two are ganging up on me.

So we all pulled a bottle each of something from the fridge, I took a few mouthfuls and hit the shower to freshen up a bit , while the two of them chatted away. I Came out with the towel wrapped around me, when the LB asked, "Paul can I see your dick?" "No! Sure we only just met... I don't know you well enough yet!" "Baa! Paul!" Then she grabbed the towel, and ripped it off me, while the young girl pissed herself laughing. So I just sat down and rejoined the conversation, with a bottle of beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and a boner in between.

The LB trying to tell her yarns, started to forget what she was saying, as her eyes wandered to my boner most of the time, then the next thing she came out with, "Paul it's Ok I take a shower here... No have hot water my loom!" "Sure girl!... Get your ass in there!" And while she was in the bathroom, the young girl said, "Paul you Ok about ladyboy?" "Well I don't mind at all honey!" "Ah good!... she can stay here? ... We give you vely good sex show, naa!" "Emm.. er... well, er Ok!... But I never do before... So you both will have to teach me the ropes... Naa!" So she quickly stripped wrapped the towel around her, and joined the LB in the bathroom, to tell her it was Ok, and washed each other down, while I lay there on the bed, weeping with pre cum, saying to myself, "Paul! You are one jammy, jammy, bastard!" The rest, till about 6pm, your imagination couldn't cope with all of it.

And at that time in the evening, I paid them off and sent them both packing, with €˜I need to sleep alone,' to get some proper rest. The young girl was a bit surprised, when I did; I guess she thought I was going to keep her. But I wasn't going to ground any flights the first day. I did try to get a couple of hours sleep in, but felt quite hungry, so I strolled over to the Royal shopping plaza, to have a couple of Thai dishes I had been pining for, while back in Holland. And after I got the horses feed bag off me, I headed back to the hotel.

I stopped in the €˜Wonderful Bar' at the end of Soi Yamato on the way back, and sitting there with my usual stunt of stone face, keeping my mouth shut, bullshitting that I was more interested in the golf on TV, with three girls on the other side of the bar, not a half a meter away and literally in my face chatting in Thai, "What's wrong with him!... Go talk to him!" "No, no, you talk to him!" "No, no, I frighten to do." And me sitting there biting my lip to keep the laughter in.

A couple of beers later, all of a sudden one of the service girls plopped down a drink in front of me, telling me it was from a couple of guys behind me, sitting on the outer bar. So I thought, €˜What are these two clowns up to,' as I didn't recognize them when I turned around and waved the beer in thanks. As curiosity got the better of me, I went over to see what was going on, "Do I know you guys?" "No! Not really!... Are you on R-n-R Paul?" "R-n-R! No!... What makes you think that?" "Aren't you Paul of the Mick O' Mouse, from back in the 80's?" "Well yes!... don't tell me your one of my old customers... Sorry I don't recognize you!" He turned to his mate, "See I told you it was him... No Paul!... I remember you from before then ... You use to chum about with €˜Tony Poe,' back when you had the 707 bar in the Nana plaza ... and I had a drink with you both a few times, in Washington Square, and in €˜The Tigers Den' in Bangkok.

Talk about jogging good and bad, but funny memories that was locked up in my head, and they went on to inform me that they were two mercenaries on R-n-R from Iraq, were married, and lived in Pattaya. As they were both at least five years older than me, I laughed and said, "Fuck me! You two old fart's still at it?" "Shit no Paul!... Not in the field anymore... just administration now!" I relaxed then, because at first I thought they were a couple of reporters from back then, and the three of us sat the rest of the evening telling yarns of the old days, and having a good piss up.

Washington Square

Washington Square was situated just off the Sukhumvit Road, between the Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy, and was the favorite hangout for a lot of US veterans, spooks from the CIA, ex- CIA, Air America, all from the Vietnam era. There were even several registered as MIA's knocking around, who just couldn't be bothered to go back to the US, for one reason or another. The favorite was, their old nagging wives who resembled a sack of spuds, back in the US waiting on them, and on the other hand they got a couple of 17-year-old beautiful Thai wives in Thailand. This in those days there was no problem to do, as long as you could afford it, and normally these guys picked up a pension from the US embassy once a month. Some of them were bar owners, and were well off with a double income.

The Square was home for the bars, "Bourbon Street," "Texas Lone Star," and the "Silver Dollar," where all these guys liked to hang out in, and sometimes referred to as €˜Little America.' If you wanted a good feed this was the place to go then. Cajun/Creole food, shrimp remoulade, boiled crawfish, jambalaya, blackened redfish, to name just a few of the best dishes there, and cost next to nothing.

The Tigers Den

Owned by Alban "Tiger" Rydberg, and his filipina wife Lucy. Now there's some stories that can be told about that place, as the same crowd from Washington Square hung out there also, but it was more of a mercenary hang out. There would be photos taken, then hung up all around the bar of notorious types in that realm, including €˜Mad Mike Whore,' of the €˜Wild Geese.' The story has it, that Tiger went on a 54 day drunken bender and when he sobered up found at that sometime during that period he had married Lucy, and he was the owner of a bar. Tiger had lost both legs, and was stuck in a wheelchair, rough, loud, and brash, but with a heart of gold, and a true character.

There was a yarn that he lost them in Vietnam where he got them blown off, but the truth of the matter was he lost them to Diabetes. The movie €˜Air America' which was made in Thailand, has a scene or two in it, with them all gathered in Tigers Den, with an actor in a wheelchair portraying Tiger. The Air America guys advised on the movie, but I remember them kicking up a stink when they saw the finished product, as the movie didn't show them in the proper light. But no matter what the politics were in those days, these individual guys were truly heroes.

Tony Poe

Tony was one of the most notorious in those circles, and boy did he like his drink. I was saddened when sitting with the two mercenaries back in Pattaya, they informed me of his death a year earlier in 2003, but at the same time I wondered how the hell he lived that long, because when I knew him, he would have drank the Mississippi dry. I would have thought his liver and kidneys, would have packed up long before then. Apart from his past life, I could see why they nicked named him, €˜Tony the Indestructible.'

I remember the first time I met him, when I was leaning over the balcony in the Nana Plaza just outside my bar, with my girlfriend one afternoon. When Tony came walking into the plaza with two big young ex-French foreign legion guys, when the girlfriend said, "Be careful with that guy!" "Who him?... Why?" "He crazy man!... He kill many people, and cut off ears... And make necklace out of them!" "He what?" "Yes, yes!... He have necklace around his neck... come from peoples ears... He have vely big black magic!" Now these were the days when Hollywood hadn't even come out with a horror movie, with shit like that in it. And as I watched the three of them disappear into a bar on the ground floor all dressed in black, the first thing that when through my head was, "Shit! Now we got a fucking cult here... Hope they don't come into my bar!"

Several hours later that evening, sure enough Tony slithers through the door with his two lap dogs in tow, which were massive, bullet heads with no necks, and just all muscles. Tony sits at the bar while the other two get cozy with a couple of my dancers, at another table. We were all well oiled at that time of the evening, and when Tony who was twice my age, ordered a drink, I had to get up and serve him, as the staff and girlfriend were afraid to go near him.

While serving him I tried to get a glimpse of this famous necklace of his, while he was giving me the, "So you're the new boy in town!" He must have noticed me searching with my eye in the dim light of the bar for his necklace, because he gave me a smirk, while he pulled out a leather pouch, opened it and pulled out an ear, while he mumbled something, which I couldn't quite hear because of the music, but took it as a threat.


Next thing I know, we are stupidly shoving each other shouting, "Right lets have it out in the car park!" while the two lap dogs paid us no heed. This went on for a couple of minutes, then we stopped and aggressively stared at each other, then we both burst out laughing saying, "What the fuck are we doing?" put our arms around each other, sat down, and proceeded with a hell of a session for the rest of the night. The two lap dogs took off with the girls at closing time, leaving Tony and I carrying on to the break of day.

"So what's this shit about the ears then?" So Tony claimed he cut them off a Pathet Laotian leader, but when I bumped into him from time to time in the circle, he would yet have another yarn about the ears, normally when a nosy journalist was within ear shot. That yarn was when he was based for several years in the highlands of northern Laos (where he was seriously wounded three times), Tony grew angry at Washington's attempts to control his activities. So he sent a bag filled with human ears to the US Embassy in Vientiane to prove his guerrillas were killing communists. The unopened bag arrived on a Friday and sat in the embassy over the weekend. The ears which contained a lot of water dried up and shriveled in the heat all weekend, so when the embassy secretary opened the bag on Monday morning it was terrible, and she got real sick."

One other night Tony came into my bar, with two just retired air force pilots, and informed me that the two pilots were involved in the €˜gold drops,' which was one of the famous rumors, going around at that time. The story had it, that during the war, the US was dropping gold just over the Laos and Cambodian borders, to some of the pro US guerrilla movements, to support them fighting the enemy. But the rumor was that some of the pilots took it into their heads not to drop the gold at the coordinates they were given, and dropped the gold just over the borders in another place, where only they knew the coordinates. This was to be picked up by them at a later date, but the only problem was these were Air Force pilots, and they weren't too comfortable trekking through the jungle, in a place that was forbidden to enter. And that's where the likes of Tony came into the picture.

In those days some of the guys were running around like headless chickens, with so-called treasure maps in their hands, which someone sent them from the US, trying to get a group together, to go after the gold. But this was the first time two actual pilots turned up to retrieve the gold themselves, but of course looking for a bit of back-up around the haunts of Bangkok, before attempting to do so. Tony was trying to get a squad together, and asked me would I join his merry bunch of misfits, that night. I told him it was a waste of time, and that the gold would be long gone, if it was so easy to get at. I said there was probably some old farmer sitting in a palace by now, thinking Buddha is a great guy.

But no matter which yarn was true, the fact of the matter is, he wore that human ear necklace around his neck. And the ear yarn was one of the least gruesome yarns Tony came out with. It is believed that he is who the Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando) character from €˜Apocalypse Now' movie is based on. Although the movie was based on the book, "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad. In the book both Marlow and Kurtz are ivory traders, not military officers, as they are in the movie. I saw the movie a few years later, and I remember saying, "Yep! That could be Tony all right!"

Getting back to the two lads from Black Water sitting having a drink in Wonderful bar in Pattaya, I was telling them it wasn't only Bangkok that had those colorful characters back then, Pattaya did also, and the first to spring to mind was Noy. Now Noy was a dancer in one of the ago-go bars across the street facing the Blue Parrot Mexican restaurant in Pattayaland 2, just off the beach road. Noy was a beauty, fit body, tanned almost black, and was a star dancer, as she erotically pole danced in a skimpy bikini. There was a reason for keeping herself well tanned, and that was to hide a few bullet-hole scares on her body, as the bikini didn't cover them.

She was a soldier up to a year or so before, fighting in Cambodia, but I can't remember if she was Thai or Cambodian, or whose side she was fighting on. But if some one disrespected her, no matter how big they were, they would soon find themselves on the floor of the bar, begging for mercy. But that wasn't the problem about her. When Noy was in a fire fight in the jungle, if she killed any of the enemy, she would stop and take the time to cut out their hearts and eat them.

The regulars, and those who knew her well, knew her dark secrets. And needless to say, would never bar-fine her, even though she was one of the best in the sack, and very pleasant to sit and have a chat with. Because of this, the rest of the girls in the bar were being bar-fined right left and center, leaving Noy mostly stuck on the shelf. Anytime she was bar-fined, it would be from punters that were strangers and didn't know the full story, but as soon as they found out, they dropped her like a stone, even though she was no problem to them.

Because of this fact, the regulars would take pity on her, and anytime they called into the bar, they would make a point of buying her a few lady-drinks, and slip her a few dollars under the table, while listening to her war stories. In the long run I think she might have done better than the rest of the girls in the bar, and didn't have to leave it, as they were mostly borrowing money off her.

I remember one night sitting with her having a few drinks, and asking, "Noy! Why the fuck did you cut the hearts out and eat them?" "Ahh Paul!... so he ghost can't get me!" "What did it taste like?" "Not vely good!" "Why you not have Thai spices with you, and cook them?" "Baa Paul!... you know I no have time for cooking ... naa" Then she gazed up at the bar mirror and smiled, then turned to me and said, "You know Paul!... Many my soldiers vely sick, because they have little to eat... But me! I vely strong, because I eat too much, ha, ha, ha!"

Many of the punters that had problems, and were lucky enough to be called her friend, would turn to her for help. And be it a Thai girl or Thai man, she would aggressively sort it all out. Because of her reputation, the Thai man seemed to stand down with an attitude, "Better to lose face, than lose a heart!"


Anyhow, back to the drink and yarns in the wonderful bar with my two chums, and we had been sitting there for most of the night. And as it was getting close to midnight, I thought I'd just pick one of the best out of the bunch there, and just take her back to my hotel. It was a toss-up between a 32-year-old veteran and a 25 yr old farm fresh, which couldn't speak any English, but was just that wee bit better looking. Naturally, I went for the farm fresh, and paid her bar-fine. We all parted, with the two lads telling me they had a bar they all use in the walking street area, and I should come and hang out with them there some night.

Got farm fresh back to the room, showered and neatly tucked in bed ready for a bit of love. But it turned out she was too nervous and shy, and lay there like a stone. I remember thinking, "Fuck! I picked the wrong one here!... This girl's going to be a hard nut to crack...and would take more than one night to get her trained up!" Well there was nothing much going to happen tonight, so I'll just pay her off in the morning.

Shortly after, the LB from the night before (or that morning), called my room, and asked if she could come over. Well there was nothing much happening anyway, so I told her I have a girl, but she can come over anyway. I was thinking the LB, might be able to give farm fresh a bit of insight and advice, in the old bedroom department. So the LB arrived, and pulled a bottle out of the fridge, and sat down on the chair, and we began chatting in English. For the first few minutes I didn't pay any attention to farm fresh, who was sitting crouched up in a ball on the bed behind me.

The next thing was, a rather loud banshee wale interrupted our chat, and we both stopped and looked at each other as if to say, "What the fuck is that?" I turned around to find farm fresh, with her face in her hands, crotched between her knees, wailing and crying. I looked back to the LB's stunned face, but as quick as a flash, farm fresh jumped up, grabbed her cloths, and went flying through the room door naked and without a penny from me.

The poor wee girl must have thought something bad was going to happen to her, and I knew I would have to sort it all out the next day. But in the mean time I was a bit pissed off with the LB, "See what you done now!... You frightened the little girl!" "Ahhh Paul!... Never mind she!... I take care of you vely good ... I suck you vely good, and do everything for you vely good!" Actually, she was talking with her mouthful at the time. "No, no, no!... this is pussy night for me!... And you fucked it up... So you better get on your phone, and get a replacement over here quick and sharp-ish ... And she better be good looking and a good fuck!"

"Ok, Ok Paul!... I do, I do... I not want you angry me!" She picked up her phone and called a mate she knew was available, and it turned out to be a well fit 25 yr old, good looking cashier from one of the bars in Soi 6, who happened to be on her couple of days off. In ten minutes she was knocking at my door, quickly stripped, took a shower, jumped straight into bed, and immediately got to the matter at hand. She turned out to be a right animal in bed, doing all sorts of things, and didn't give a rat's ass about the on-looking LB, with a disappointed expression, sipping on her bottle.

I remember laughing at one point, when I was on my back, the cashier saddled on top, giving the LB a cheeky smile as she bobbed up and down, making the LB turn her eyes away to the wall. I felt I was missing something here, and when the LB finished her drink, she went home in a bit of a huff, with the cashier laughing. And later, after a right session we both lay there catching our breath, I told her about the three-some with the LB the night before, and couldn't understand why she had that attitude. The cashier burst out laughing and said, "She not tell you?" "Tell me what?" "Ha, ha!... she my brother!" "Your what?" "Yes, yes!... She my real younger brother... Papa, mama... Same, same!"

Well fuck me, did that clear things up a bit, any wonder she felt uncomfortable in the room, and left. And as the cashier was bang on, in just about everything, I kept her on for the days she was off, plus an extra day when she called in sick. And every time we went out to eat at a restaurant be it morning or evening, I would get her to call up her LB brother to join us, and slip a few dollars under the table, as she wasn't getting much business.

During that time I managed to slip away for an hour to go to the Wonderful Bar to sort out little farm fresh. Of course the girls there greeted me with a "You evil bastard" reception. But when I explained everything, all the girls changed from anger to laughter, taking the piss out of farm fresh, especially about her running down the hotel corridor naked, who was now laughing at her self, and was delighted and over the moon, when I slipped her a couple of thousand baht. "Paul I can go with you tonight?... I not care somebody come... I know you take care me naa!" "No sweetie!... Maybe after you work bar one year, and learn a bit more about farang sex...then I take you."

[Nemisis]

Chapter 31 €“ Angel Noot, & the Sick Buffalo Yarn

The cashier went back to work, but wanted me to hang around until she finished work every night. So I told her thanks but no thanks, I wanted somebody during the day also. So from there on in I would pop in and say hello and get her a couple of drinks, if I was passing her bar. The same went for her brother the LB, to make sure she was surviving all right. I had to laugh though, when sitting with the LB having a drink, there was the odd couple of LB admirers hiding behind bushes on the street, peeping around and waving her over, for a quiet chat, and too embarrassed to let anyone see them at it. Quietly, arranging a little romp, in the hotel room later.

A couple of days later, I spent the afternoon shopping around the beach area, and just as the sun was sinking, I started to make my way back to the hotel to get showered and changed to go out and have a meal before going bar hoping for the night. And just as I was walking up Soi Yamato passing the Boomerang bar, I glanced in to see if Bob was there, but it was empty, except for a blond looking beauty, sitting on her own. We looked at each other with a smile, and clicked right away.

I took a few steps further past, thinking I'll ear-mark her for after I freshen up and change, but her eyes just followed me up the street. This made me turn around and walk back into the bar, to get a better look, and a chat. It turned out she was the new cashier, and didn't know I was a good friend of her boss. After a few drinks and a long chat, we were very comfortable with each other. As she was the cashier I thought there was no chance in taking her out, but when I made a move to go back and change, she begged me to stay and chat, as she thought I would never come back. "Then come with me!" "Iee cannot... Iee cashier!" "Where boss?" "Up sa-tair sleeping!" "Get her down here... tell her Paul is here!" "You know my boss?" "Yes! Get her down here quickly!"

The boss came down with a smile, "Hello Paul... What's up?" "Get your fat lazy ass behind the bar and do cashier... I'm taking Noot out for dinner!" "Ahhh Paul!" "Don't ahhh Paul me... You'll have to keep yourself busy, instead of drinking and sleeping... How can you get a new husband if you keep doing that?" She was still not over the death of her husband, and needed a good wake up call. And it turned out that Noot was a long time friend from her village, and one of the few she trusted. She saw right away from us both what was going on, and wasn't going to get in the way of Noot's happiness, "Ok Noot! You can go with Paul... I take care everything here!"

Just then Bob came in; well that was me in for the night. And during all the craick and laughs, he realized I was walking out with Noot at the end of the night, "You lucky bastard!... I have been pondering over Noot for days now... Even tried asking... But I got a negative response!" "Ahk Bob!... you just got to put your foot down... Show them you're a real man!" "Ahk fuck off Paul! ... You're a rogue, that's what you are!" And among the laughter and piss-taking, I pointed to my face, "A rogue! ... Look at this face Bob!... This is the face of a saint ...butter wouldn't melt in this mans mouth!" "Well you better bring plenty of butter with you tonight ... She hasn't had a shag in years, and must be as tight as fuck ha, ha, ha!"

I sent Noot out to get some food for all of us, as it looked like we weren't going to make dinner, and at the end of the night, we headed back to the hotel. The sex was fantastic, three holes all in, and for the first time for her. Noot was a keeper, and I knew there and then, what I was doing for the rest of my holiday. She is staying put with me, and her boss will just have to cover for her. Early the next morning we had to meet up with Bob and girl he was with the night before, to go to Koh Larn Island for the day. The four of us did the usual lazing on the beach, with a nice sea food lunch, and of course leave a little early, so we could call in on Crazy John.

John was sitting on his own, as we entered his little wooden kingdom, "Where's the missus John? ... Don't tell me you got her dangling on the end of a rope, over the edge of the pier!" Bob looked at me and said, "What? ... Dangling off a rope!" "Ahk Bob it's a long story ... Tell you later!" John put his head down and shook it from side to side, "No Paul!... She's in bed with a couple of big gashes down her leg, and a couple of broken ribs!" "She's what?... holy god John, what have you been doing now?" He got up to pull us a few beers, while he explained, "Well Paul as you know when we get a few drinks in us, it doesn't take much to start an argument!" "Yes, yes John!" "Well last night we got pissed up and had an argument...and for the third time she tried to commit suicide, by jumping off the pier!" "Right!...but how did she get all that damage?" "Well!... The stupid cow forgot the fucking tide was out, and landed on the sharp rocks three meters below!" (We all burst out laughing) So after a few cold ones and a bit of craick, we all left John, to get the last ferry, and on the way back to Pattaya, Bob asked me, "Right! What's this about dangling off a rope?" So I told him about my last visit, and Bob just shook his head, "What a crazy, comical couple... It amazes me how those two have stayed together all these years!" "Yep Bob! ... Match made in heaven, mate."

Speaking of which, Noot was very passive, no mood swings, never got into a huff, and never got angry about anything, and was just simply delightful to be with. And for the rest of that holiday, I took her to the usual places, the Crocodile Farm, Nong Nooch Village, the Tiger Zoo, the orphanage, and a few temples etc. And it was quite sad to leave at the end of it all, and back in Holland I just couldn't get her off my mind. We were making phone calls, and sending love letters to each other, until my return in 2005.

In 2005 I managed to get two months holiday, splitting them with five months in between. Both times arriving unannounced to see if I could catch her out, but she proved to be faithful. We traveled around Thailand a bit, just stopping off at remote places. And the feelings for each other got stronger as time went by. After those two months holiday in 2005, I started to think that this is the girl I want to take home with me, while I waited for my next holiday in 2006. On my return early in 2006, for another month, and still unannounced, and still trying to catch her out, but she was still faithful. This time I asked her would she come to Holland for three months, just to see if she would like to live there. Of course she was over the moon about it. So I told her I would have to get extra money together, for her ticket, and start arranging her visa, before the next time I come, and then we would go back together.

Now during this holiday in 2006, I remember her briefly telling me about her sister being ill, but didn't go into any detail about it. Then just a week after I returned to Holland broke, ready to earn some extra cash, for the next trip, I get a phone call from her, "Paul you not angry me!... but I must ask you something!" "Ok Sweetie... What is it?" "My sister vely sick ... She must go hospital ... Can you send me money?" So the first thing that went through my mind was, €˜She's giving me the €˜sick buffalo story.''' Which surprised me because of how honest she was, and I gave her a shit load of money before I left. Any veteran mongers would know, and joke about the €˜Sick Buffalo Story,' where the girl calls you up to see if they can squeeze some extra cash out of you, by telling you her buffalo, mother, or father is sick, and needs the extra cash to take care of the extra bills.

So I answered, "I can't Noot!... You know I finished all my money and I haven't got back to work to earn more!" "Ok, ok I know Paul!... I just want to ask you first, if you can help me or not ... Because I have customer from Norway, come to my bar, and he want me go with him... I say no, I have boyfriend... but I want help my sister... So I tell him about my sister sick and I need money for take care her... He tell me, he can give me the money.... But he want me go stay with him for three months in Norway... What you think Paul?" Well I just paused, as it was like getting a knock-out punch in the boxing ring. So I took a breath and said, "Well Noot I can't help you, and he can... You better go with him then!" "You sure Paul? ... I not want lose you!" "Well if your sister needs money... You better do that then ... I have no problem with it ... But if you have any problems with the guy, you call me naa!" "Ok Paul!... I call you when I get back after three months... love you...Bye!"

Well fuck this, that put the ticket and visa right out of my head, and as those three months passed, I grew less and less enthusiastic about seeing her again. And sure enough when she was back in Pattaya three months later, she called me, and I guess she knew what I would be thinking, "Well Paul ... What you think now?" "Well I think it's finished now sweetie!" "Ok, ok, I understand ... I know enough, what to do now!" "Do what?" "Man I stay with wants to marry me... We come back to make papers ... I tell him up to you Paul ... if you still want me I not do... but you not want me ...Ok, I do!" "Ok Sweetie!... good luck for you, and I hope you are very happy... Byeee!"

Well life goes on, and that later trip to Thailand that same year, minus the extra ticket and visa, turned out to be a right mongering month. But one night I stopped for a drink at the Boomerang bar, and ask the boss, "Well how is Noot?" "She stay already with husband in Norway!" "And how is her sister?" "Ahh Paul! ... She die already... she vely vely sick, and hospital can not help her." Shit did I feel bad about the whole thing, but at the same time angry about the girls who play the €˜sick buffalo scam,' and €˜crying wolf' so to speak, not realizing that some day it might really happen, and nobody is going to believe them. But also spoiling it for the few that are genuine, and really do need help.

I can't say I really enjoyed myself that trip, with all sorts of scenarios running through my head the whole time. But I did make my mind up there and then, I was going to be free and single from now on in, and disregard any thoughts of taking some one home to live with.

[Nemisis]

Chapter 31 photos

[Nemisis]

Chapter 31 photos

[Nemisis]

Chapter 32 €“ Sweet Rose at Heavens Door

So it's now September 2007, and I almost didn't get the time off from work to get a trip in that year. But a with a few body swerves, I managed to get a couple of weeks off, and was locked and loaded, sitting on a plane to Thailand. It was the usual midday arrival, and I got through passport control and customs without a hitch, and changed enough money for the limo to Pattaya, plus the hotel, which I like to pay up front on check-in.

Got a limo for 1000 baht, and on the way to Pattaya the driver mentioned, "Lucky you not go to Bangkok...have rain too much!" "Pattaya Ok?" "Yes I think so!" So the whole journey I was watching the sky, as we got closer to Pattaya, which was quite clear and sunny, and around 3pm we were off the highway, and cruising down Pattaya Central road towards the beach. Still the sky looked great, when the driver asked, "Where your hotel Sir?" "Soi Bukhaow!" "Ah Ok! I know Sir!" And just as we turned into Soi Bukhaow, the driver started moaning, "Oh no! Oh no!" I sat up and looked through his wind screen, only to see the whole street ahead was flooded.

It had been raining monsoon style for six hours solid, and had just finished as we arrived. The driver asks me where my hotel was, I told him it was still a long way farther. We both thought it may not be so deep, so he took it slowly and tried to drive on, but it just got deeper and deeper. The last straw was when my driver blew his horn at some farang to get out of the way, who was pushing his motorcycle, which the water level was pretty close to his saddle. The poor guy moved to one side to let us through, but there must have been some kind of roadside excavation at that spot, because all of a sudden, he and his motorcycle simply disappeared under the water, and seconds later he bobbed up gasping for air.

I know I shouldn't have, but I burst out laughing at the sight of that, but the last laugh was on me. The driver must have thought to himself €˜fuck this', and reversed back to where it was shallow enough to basically kick me out of the limo, and told me to walk the rest of the way. Needless to say he didn't get a tip, and now I'm wading through this water that was over my knees, with my large suitcase on my head. It took me about 20 minutes to reach my hotel, but I was smiling all the way thinking, €˜honey I'm home.'

Checked in, and had a shave and a long shower, and got dressed ready for the flood to subside. My room was at the back of the hotel, so I just stood there looking through my window, which was overlooking a small €˜U' shaped two story compound, where several Thai families lived. It had a field in the center with a couple of chilly bushes, still under a meter of water. Then I noticed an old lady standing on her balcony, shouting and pointing at three younger members of her family, who were wading through the water, with plastic laundry baskets. She had a better view, and was telling them where the fish where, and the younger ones were catching the fish using the laundry baskets as nets. I smiled and got a flashback of the 80's, when after the hurricanes, the guys use to sit on a bar stool inside the flooded bars, with a bottle of beer in one hand, and catching fish with the other.

I waited and waited, but the only thing that was going down was the sun, and I realized there was no drainage in the back, so I walked the corridor to the front, which was over looking Soi Buakhaow, and sure enough it was bone dry, as if it had not rained at all. So I was out through the lobby like a rocket, thinking I shouldn't stray too far just in case it rained again. I decided just to go to my mate Manchester John, the owner of the €˜Heavens Door Bar,' in Soi 7. After a few detours, and a bit of hopping over puddles, I managed to get there pretty dry.

The €˜Heavens Door,' is a normal GG bar, John always employed 2-3 LB's to pull in the punters, from the street into his bar. John reckoned the GG's were a bit lazy at this task, and besides that, his LB's were better lookers, and worked harder to get punters sitting on his bar stools. And once he had them sitting at his bar, he did the rest with his PR, as John is a very friendly chap, and would circle the bar chatting to everyone.

Of course the staff are mostly new faces, apart from the service staff, as John likes to employ at least 40 bar girls at any one time. He told me he never turns down anyone that asks him for a job, knowing full well they come and go like the wind, and when one girl leaves, she normally takes a couple of her mates with her. I guess this is safety in numbers when working in a new bar, so they are not picked on or bullied by the regular bar girls in that new bar.

So as they didn't know I was a mate of the boss, and as I was just about to make a beeline for the bar, a LB kind of pounced on me, grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bar, not realizing that's where I was heading in the first place. I grabbed a stool and she parked herself on the stool next to me. For the first minute or so I kept my eyes straight in front, arguing with myself, €˜What do you think Paul, that's a cracking bit of stuff right beside you, will you go for it or not?' The reason for this was, my mate didn't know I went with LB's as well as GG's, and the rest of my mates who drank there were a bit too butch for that sort of thing, so when I took a LB, I would avoid the bar.

But here is a beautiful little thing with a great tit job, and a great feminine figure, the best looking of the staff, and all I could think of, was whether to let the cat out of the bag or not, to John and my butch mates. Impatiently this LB rubbed my arm to get my attention, "Hello, what's your name?" I turned to her and replied, "Lum Pawn," €˜Lum' meaning €˜Uncle,' and €˜Pawn' instead of Paul, because Thais find it difficult to pronounce it, and normally spend the next 15 minutes trying to get their tongue around the €˜L' sometimes trying replace it with an €˜R.' Through the years I found it easier to just say that, and when I do, as usual there's a big burst of laughter from them.

So I continued, "What's your name?" "Rose!" "You know Rose; you're the most beautiful Ladyboy that I have met this holiday." I think she figured I didn't realize that she was a LB by the look on her face, but the compliment made her burst out laughing again. "Would you like a drink?" "Yes please!" At this particular time the conversation was in Thai, but normally I don't reveal that at least the first half hour or so, I find it best to quietly sit and just listen, and if I don't like what I hear, I move on. And of course most guy's know, speaking Thai is a plus, and it must have been at this particular moment.

Rose, explained to me that she worked down in Phuket, where she called herself Apple, and came to Pattaya three months earlier. She also told me that her tit job was a gift from a female farang admirer down in Phuket, as I couldn't understand how she could scrap up the money for implants, as she was only 22 years old. "So your name was Apple last year, and now its Rose this year, what name are you going to call yourself next year?" "Ha, ha... I don't know yet Paul!"


I confirmed this all with John later, when he normally turns up at 9pm. In actual fact he told me she just turned up one day, didn't ask him for a job, and simply started pulling the punters in, on the basis of lady-drinks, and the percentage from the bar-fine. But she was so good at it, and so popular, that John hired her with a monthly wage just in a matter of days, for fear of losing her. Well we kind of clicked right away, and I knew it wouldn't be a one night-er, we were very relaxed with each other. At some point in the conversation, Rose asked me did I like LB's, and I told her I like both LB's and GG's, and like to mix it when I'm on vacation.

Now this is still early, around 7-8pm in the evening, just before John's arrival at 9pm. Nobody is pissed, and I'm actually having my first beer, when she says "Can I go with you?" Worrying about what my mate is going to think, I said "Ok, but I pay 1000 baht LT minus what ever the bar fine was, thinking this will throw her off the idea, but she said "Ok!" Then I told her it was not for just one night but for a week at least, but I will want a bit of pussy also, probably the last week I told her. Now I thought this would surely put her off the thought, and when my mates turn up, everything's hunky dory, nothing happened, so there's nothing to explain to them. But no! She smiled and said, "Ok!" I thought she didn't get me right so I explained again, and I still got "Yes ok, I want you happy!" Now how in the name of god can I get out of that? And why in the name of god would I want to get out of that?

She then told me, the bar-fine was 300 baht, but I thought it was 200 baht, as John's bar was my regular bar, I never took any girls from it, as one of my rules is not to steal apples from my own orchard so to speak. Although she agreed on 700 baht for LT, I normally give 800 baht at that time in 2007, so that's what I paid in the long run, irrespective of what I took back to my room.

So just before John turned up, I knocked back a few drinks and started to get a buzz on, and paid the bar for Rose, for the next five days, and I didn't give a flying fuck what he or the other mates thought of me bar-fining a LB. So when John did come, we were glad to meet, and the drink started to really roll in, and then I told him jokingly that I paid for Rose, 5 days bar-fine, to see his reaction. Well as for me taking a LB, he didn't bat an eye, and as the rest of my mates came in, I hit them with it right away, "by the way, I'm with her." All I got was, "Paul to each his own, this is Thailand," then carried on with the craick and the drink. That surprised me a bit, and made me think, €˜Fuck it! I am not hiding the fact that I like the odd LB from time to time anymore, and I will avoid nothing from that night onwards.' And of course, we were there until 6am, before we thought about going back to the hotel.

I don't go on the piss every night, as this is the thing that eats the money up the fastest. There are other things to do in the evening, bowling, shooting, movies, and dinner in a nice restaurant, etc. So as we both came back at 6am, were hung over, and slept till late, the day started with getting our shit together and going out to dinner, lets say the Green Bottle, to treat her to a nice big steak and a few drinks...for say around 800-1000 baht. Then there is a bit of my daily budget left over for the next day. It all balances out in the end without even thinking about it.

As Rose had only been in Pattaya 3 months, nobody had the time or decency to take her anywhere, and was mostly wham bam thank you mam. So I'd let her know that she was on holiday and just a tourist, and I would play the tour guide. Every day we would go too some of the usual places, Nong Nooch Village, crocodile farm, tiger zoo, go karting, Koh Larn, Sanctuary of Truth, Doing the usual, and stupid things, like the tiger or crocodile photo etc. etc. A little bit of shopping, in the Tuesday and Friday market, to buy her some dresses etc. It doesn't cost the earth.

The few times we went to the Heavens Door Bar, she would whisper in my ear, "Is it Ok, I go call customer in bar for boss?" "Sure Sweetie!" "And Paul you not order me drink, I can get Lady-Drink when I yak, yak, with other customer, save your money!" "OK no problem Sweetie." After all, we bunch of yoyo's that gathered in the bar must be a bit boring for her, and it gives her the chance to line up the next punter anyway. Just over ten days later I did need some pussy, so I told her, "Tomorrow I want some pussy, and you must work in the bar!" "Ok Paul!... But how long you take lady?" "Not sure! Maybe a couple of nights!" "Ok Paul! I understand!" "And listen Rose!... if I take lady back to this bar... I don't want any trouble from you... Right!" "Not worry Paul!... I no problem for you... Lady is Ok... but not other Ladyboy naa!... I not want lose face naa!" "Ok Sweetie!... only lady!"

The next night, I took a GG back to the bar, the usual craick with John and my mates, And Rose, quietly hiding in the background. Took the GG back to the room, and she turned out to be useless. Tried a different GG the next night who was all full of promises, and took her back to the Heavens Door bar, where Rose again still quietly in the background, but with the odd smiling glance, until the GG went to the toilet. Rose quietly came over and whispered in my ear, "Paul now you take lady 2 nights, you not forget about me tomorrow naa!" "Yes, yes Rose!... But the girl last night doesn't count ... Because she was a bad fuck ... So I must see if this one is better tonight!" "Ok Paul I understand!" So I took this GG back to the room, and that wasn't so great also, and I started to think I must be jinxed this trip. So I got shot of that one, and picked up another GG the following night, and brought her back to the Heavens Door bar, looked across to Rose, and this time she was looking at me with, "What the fuck is this man doing?" written all over her face.

Again when the GG went to the toilet, Rose came over, "What you do Paul?" "Ahk Rose!... number two lady no good fuck also!" "Ha, ha, ha, you see Paul! ... lady cannot fuck better than ladyboy, naa!" "Yes Rose! ... But I like to eat pussy also!" and I started to take the piss by making tongue actions, as if to be licking pussy, knowing well it would disgust her, "Baaa Paul!... You vely bad man... How many days you have left Paul?" "Two days!" "Ok! If she not good fuck tonight you take me tomorrow, for your last day, naa!" She quickly ran back to her stool, as she saw the GG coming back from the toilet. And at the end of the night, it was back to the room, and fuck me it was another starfish.

So as promised my last night I went to the bar early on my own, to the delight of Rose, as she knew by me coming alone it was her turn. Paid her bar-fine, and took her out to dinner, and then did the rounds to say goodbye to all my bar owner friends, then back to John's bar for a night cap. John pulled me to one side, and told me she was a bit anxious the past three days, always talking about me to the staff. Needless to say that last night was one to remember. Rose had a heart of gold, a happy go lucky personality, and great girlfriend material. Which in the last couple of years, she has been going steady with a very nice young boyfriend, which I wish the best of luck too.