The Book is Finally Published!

[Nemisis]

Chapter 07 - Patong Beach, Phuket

The Nana Plaza was ok at the beginning, but after just over a year, it seemed like a prison, and that car park in the middle was like a prison yard. Day after day waltzing into it, day after day sitting in that little bar, or sitting outside it. Leaning over the balcony one evening staring down at the cars parked there, I made my mind up to see the rest of this glorious country. So I got Doc to carry on running the bar and headed down to Phuket, and told her, "see you when I see you." I was informed by my customers who had been there, Patong Beach was the only place to stay, so I checked into a nice and quite expensive hotel there, expecting to stay for only a couple of weeks.

There wasn't much night life in the rest of Phuket in those days, except for Patong Beach, and it was only a bunch of bars stretched from one end of the beach to the other. Somewhere in the middle was a little Soi, going inland from the beach, where they had a bunch of beer bars, and always adding on new ones. All in all, the night-life and entertainment could have been crammed into two Soi 2 beer bar complexes of Pattaya. Of course at this point I had never been to Pattaya yet, so I didn't know what I was missing...but it was an improvement from Nana Plaza. I had fresh air, the sea, and a lot more bars here than in the Nana.

I rented out a jeep, and spent most of my time exploring the island, when one funny thing happened to me that I will always remember. In order to get from one beach to the other, you would have to go inland a bit, and take another road to the other beach. I don't know what it's like now, but there were so-called tracks on the coast, linking one beach to the other, but it was a no-go area, as they weren't surfaced, eroded away and potholed from the monsoon rains, and dangerously over steep hills and cliffs. Those who rented out jeeps would explain it was an absolute no-no to attempt that way with their jeeps.

One day my rebellious inner self took over and decided to give it a shot, and set off up this track. The higher I went, the narrower it got, and the deeper the potholes, and my kidneys were hitting my chin. Alone and determined, I reached the top, where I could look down over the crumbling cliff, and see the next beach, but it was still a long way off. Suddenly, I was getting stones and what I thought were spears thrown at me, from the forest. The more I persisted in going forward, the more missiles were thrown at me bouncing off my jeep, with the sound of war cries coming from the forest.

I remember thinking, "Fuck me! Have I found the lost tribe of the Amazon, or something!?" It was too much and I started to turn back, and had to do a 20 point U-turn on that narrow crumbling ledge, and my heart was in my throat. As I was turning, I saw some movement in the trees, "Ah fuck they're going to jump me." And I almost lost the jeep over the cliff a couple of times, but managed to get the jeep turned around, and it was foot on the brake all the way down, it was that steep.

I got back to Patong Beach, parked the jeep and sat at a beer bar, still shaking with nerves, and proceed to knock back a few cold ones. The owner of the bar which was a local Thai man sat beside me and asked, "What's the matter with you today...too much to drink last night?" thinking I had a bad hang over. "I just found the lost tribe of the Amazon, and they weren't too happy to see me." (gulp, gulp) "You what?" "I'm not kidding! (gulp, gulp) they were throwing spears and rocks at me, and I had to high-tail it out of there fast." "Where?" he asked me. "Up there on that hill," I said, as I turned on the bar stool, raising my hand, and pointing my finger up the hill.

"You do know you're not allowed to go up there, don't you...for two reasons. Firstly, it's too dangerous to drive up there. Secondly, them monkeys don't like any stranger in their territory." "What was that? Monkeys?" "Yes monkeys...they can get quite aggressive, and gang up on anyone who goes up there...even the locals," he chuckled. "So you're trying to tell me a bunch of monkeys is up there chucking spears at everyone that goes up there?" "Not spears! Just sticks of bamboo and straight branches off the trees, and the odd stone...what do you think Paul...we got a bunch of monkeys making spears up there?" Boy did I feel like a right twat. The more I knocked back the cold ones, the more I thought about going back up there with a big stick and sorting them bastards up there out. I would have to walk it this time, too far, too hot, and I'm on holiday. Ah fuck it! I'll just have another beer.

This Lost Tribe of the Amazon incident happened a week into the trip. The first day I got there one sunny afternoon, after unpacking, I took a stroll up the beach road and turned into that little Soi with the beer bars. Just two bars up on the right was an Ozzy bar that was the most popular and sold half-decent grub. I stopped off there and had a couple of cold ones with a toastie, watching the world go by.

I chatted with a couple of old guys sitting there, when suddenly the most beautiful creature I had ever seen came walking up the Soi towards the bar. I must have been staring at her with my tongue hanging out, showing a bit of lust on my face, and she noticed it as she walked past. She took a few steps past the bar, then did a U-turn, and strolled back into the bar. She parked her beautiful butt on the stool next to me. The couple of old boys in there started to giggle and mumble to each other.

"Well...are you going to buy me a drink?" She smiled. Then one of the old boys shouted out to her by name and said, "I told you before! We don't want your sort in here." Now at the time I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like being told who I can talk to, and who I couldn't, and my fuse went. "Listen here you two cunts...while I am sitting here with company, I don't want to hear a word from you, I don't want to hear you even talk about me. Just sit there and shut the fuck up or I will throw you both out of the bar, and kick you both all the way down that Soi till kingdom come." With my mind properly spoken, I calmly ordered a drink for the lady.

She took a sip and went to the toilet, as she was gone one of the old boys gently whispered to me, "We don't mean any disrespect...but you don't know what you're getting yourself into, cause that's a bloke." "So what am I doing...fucking her?" "Nope!" "No! I'm sitting here having a conversation with her, which you two twats are interrupting. Listen gents! I know what a ladyboy is; I have two of them working for me up in Bangkok." "Oh sorry mate! Didn't realize you were wise to it." The truth be known, I didn't have a clue, as she was only wearing a bikini with a very short see through mini skirt, and when she first sat down, she sat with her legs apart, and there was absolutely no sign of any kind of a bulge, just the smooth shape of a pussy.

My mind flashed back to Benny Hill, when he does the sketch of the German, "Learning all zee time, learning all zee time." She came back, sat down, and I still couldn't see the slightest bulge, so as we were sitting close together, facing each other, I thought to my self, "Right Paul! Let's get this out of the way first." So I slipped my hand in between her legs to grab a feel and she opened up her legs wider. She sat there proud and tall, and I smiled and said, "Where is baby?" She laughed and said, "Baby gone two years ago." She realized the old fucks had told me, but she was a lot happier with my didn't give a fuck attitude. This was my first time I came across a post-op.

I had a few drinks and a long conversation with her, asking about the night life here, and we got on like a house on fire. She mentioned the Banana disco, and when I asked her what bar she worked in the evenings, she told me she didn't work in any bar. After a couple of hours a friend turned up on a scooter to pick her up, and she took off, "See you later in the disco yes?" "Ok, byeee."

So I go back to the hotel and have a shower, got dressed and went out on the prowl, and all the while I couldn't get this beautiful creature off my mind. I stopped and had a beer in a few bars, but I couldn't see anything pretty enough for me at all. I guess I was comparing every girl I chatted to with what I had encountered that afternoon.

Now I'm not one for discos, even when I was that age, but sitting at every bar, my mind kept rolling back to that afternoon, and her mentioning the Banana. So I talked myself into taking a stroll into it, maybe all the real talent of this place is all there, but I really wanted to bump into her again. I strolled in to see what I could pick up.

I can't remember her name, but it was something exotic like Natasha or something, but I will refer to her as Lola, as no sooner I got a few steps into the place, she walked up to me, and she asked me to dance, gave me a big hug and kissed me on the cheek. So I gave her the Leo Sayer "I can't dance." So I stood by the bar having a drink, while she danced with 8-10 girls, and that other ladyboy who had picked her up that afternoon. Between dances she made me her base, and I had a few drinks with her.

She wanted to make sure I didn't slip away, so she asked me, "Can you drive?" "Yep!" so she threw me a bunch of keys, "Take care of them for me." The other ladyboy was a lot older, I think about 30, but very tanned, actually black, great tits, wearing a tight Leopard skin dress. She was also trying to chat me up. "Well girl! What's the story about you then?" "Story. What story?" "Well have you got a cock or not?" "Yes I have a cock...vely big cock." Interesting, but I was too into Lola, and wanted to see a male pussy up close, for the first time.

The disco came to a close around 1-2am, "What are we gonna do now Lola?" "We all go to a Thai disco now...you drive." She owns a kind of pick-up, with a canvas roof on it that every one seemed to be driving in Phuket at that time. Those of you who were there at that time know what I'm talking about. She couldn't drive at the best of times sober, never mind drunk. I thought why not? I'll just tag along. It was parked out side, and the 8-10 girls, the two ladyboys, and myself all piled in, and set off to this Thai disco. The disco was on another beach, and I would describe it as a large nipa hut. Getting there was something else, as we had to go over some steep hills, and we had the truck well over-loaded, it wouldn't always go up the hill, so some of the girls had to get out and push, pissed as farts, all singing Thai songs.

I was the only white face in the disco, and there was nothing but Thai hoods in the place, and as usual it broke into a fight. It was like a Western saloon bar brawl, with chairs and bottles flying all over the place. I just sat there out of the way of the missiles and carried on drinking my beer. I didn't give a fuck and was too pissed to care. Lola and the other ladyboy thought it best to get out of there, minus the girls, as they all had boyfriends in the place.

We came back to Patong around 7am, dropped off the other ladyboy, and went back to my hotel, parking the truck.. "Well can you drive back to your place?" "Nope! I sleep with you today Paul." "You not give me money...I very rich...I have money too much...I horny now...come on Paul fuck me." Now how she said all that with her tongue down my throat at the same time, while sitting in that truck beats me! What's a poor boy to do?

We made love for an hour or more, if I can remember she didn't take it up the ass and didn't want me to go down on her, and then we both fell asleep as we had a rough night. Later we woke up and did it all over again, then showered, got dressed, and I took her to dinner. We were both still hung over as we went back to the room, made love again, and had a chat.

I asked her how come she was well off, so she told me her family was rich, but that she also does photo shoots throughout the year and gets well paid for it. One in particular was the Coca Cola company from the US. They would come over for the past 4 years and do a photo shoot out on the islands of her, for their calendars and posters. I asked her if they knew she was a ladyboy, and she told me no, they had never found out yet.

She also told me she might go with the odd farang if she was drunk enough, but he would have to pay big time. We ended up more like friends than lovers, I still wanted to do my thing and she wanted to do hers, and from time to time we might meet up in a bar some where and have a good piss up. If we weren't seeing anybody, we might go back to the room for a shag.

Now Lola and her mate seemed to be the only ladyboys in Patong beach at that time, and I really can't remember any other ladyboys. This was around '86, but Lola was well known every where, and she was a real card. She might be out drinking at the beer bars, and get drunk enough to do a full strip on the bar, as she loved showing off her stunning body. I have seen her some afternoons walking up the street with nothing on but a skimpy, totally see-through silk nightie, showing tits, ass, and pussy. Now if a proper GG did that she would be arrested right away, but it seemed the law didn't cover ladyboys.

I remember driving up that little soi with all the beer bars, one afternoon, and there was Lola sprawled out on top of the bar totally naked, snoring her head off, with one leg stretched out on the bar top, the other dangling over the side, spread wide for all to see. I quickly stopped, and just before I got out of the jeep a police pickup truck, overtook me full of cops. They all saw her, and just cracked up laughing, and just drove on. I woke her up, dragged her into the jeep, and took her home.

My stay was longer than I anticipated, so I moved out of the hotel after two weeks, and moved into a bungalow for the rest of the six months I actually stayed, to save a few pennies.

So I'm doing the usual shit, drinking and shagging all over the place. I didn't see Lola for three weeks, as she hooked up with a German who liked his bikes. From time to time I would be sitting in a bar, and watching a big noisy chopper motorcycle go whizzing by with Lola clutching to this guy, on the back. She waved and said hi a couple of times, but had to stop as the guy went ape shit, "Who are you talking to? Who is he? How do you know him?" He was a right jealous twat.

One day I'm sitting at a bar having a beer, and who walked in but Lola, alone this time, with steam coming out of her ears, and fire coming out of her nostrils. She stood there fuming with her hands on her hips. "What's up with you Lola?" She was out of breath with anger, "Ah Paul wait! I too much angry to talk." I got her a drink and sat her down, "What's up Sweetie?"

"You know Paul for three weeks I stay with that German man?" "Yep!" "Paul, for three weeks I take care of him vely good...and now this morning I take him to the airport, so he can fly back to his home." "Ah Lola! You broken heart, eh?" "Shit Paul no way, you know me...he is too old, too fat, and have half hair." "So what's the matter then?" "Paul, he not give me money three weeks, and he tell me he give me money last day for everything. This morning he not give me, so I think he give me at the airport, but he kiss me good-bye and he want to go to passport place."

"And?" "I sapeak him, where my money? He sapeak me he no have money...so I boxing him inside airport...I win boxing...he lie on the floor, I still boxing him...because I angry too much...two policeman pull me off him...and I sapeak police why I boxing him...police sapeak him he must give me money." "He sapeak police...he no have money, and show pocket...no have inside...Police sapeak me they can not do anything about that, and farang must go now to go airplane. Then she smiled, with a faraway gaze in her eye, "Ok! What did you do?"

"Well Paul! I tried to boxing him some more but police stop me. So I tell him...I man...he sapeak me, "What you speak?" I tell him he fuck man for three weeks! He look police...police laughing and tell him yes, yes, she man, everybody know she long time...she man. Then Lola burst out with a roar of laughter, "You know Paul! I not forget his face when I tell him, his face vely white, eyes vely big, and mouth open, but he cannot sapeak...then he go passport place...I think he die inside already ha ha ha."

I pat her on the back and said, "Well done Lola...now me and you is going to get pissed and celebrate a dead man." Lola said, "Sure Paul why not, I think he sit on airplane with that face, all the way back to Germany, and not sapeak about holiday to anybody, ha, ha, ha."

We proceeded to have a right old piss up.

[Nemisis]

Chapter 08 €“ Pattaya, The First Time

Six months was more than enough in Patong, and it really started to get pretty boring. The whole time I was meeting guys telling me about how Pattaya was so much better, so first I went back to Bangkok to check the bar, and everything was going just ok. Doc said it's because I was not there, as a lot of people were walking in and looking for me, then walking straight out again. I told Doc I had made my mind up to get rid of the bar, and when the 2-year lease was up, which was in a few months time, I wasn't renewing it. I was going to take a look at Pattaya.

I first needed to visit a friend that was a police captain of the Lumpini Department before I went, for reasons I will not disclose here. Then set off on new adventures, and like a stupid twat, took a pretty little thing from a nearby massage parlor with me. I paid the owner, which was a friend of mine, $100 a day for her all-in, and for two weeks, that was the going rate, as it wasn't normal for guy to take them out, she would get half which was more than plenty for her, and no tip. Ahk! Sure! I imagined Pattaya was like Patong beach, so how was I to know it was like taking coal to Newcastle?

We arrived in Pattaya around 6pm, things were just starting to buzz in the bars there. It was high season and most of the hotel rooms were full. You have to remember in those days Pattaya was rather small compared to now, and was only the beach road and the second road, with the Soi's in between. There were not so many hotels, like today. So it was easy to be full-up in high season.

My driver drove around for about an hour, checking hotels to get a room, and during that driving around I realized how many bars and how much pussy there was. There was so much pussy, it was falling out of your pockets. I thought, "Paul you silly twat! Why did you bring a carry-out." We could only find a shithole, at the end of Walking street, which at that time was the Arab section of town. I thought it would do for now until high season was over, then I would move out as soon as I could.

I couldn't wait to shower and get out of the room, she was quite moody and seem to be pissed off about something. She said she was tired, wanted to sleep, and didn't want to go out. So I said suit yourself but I'm hitting the town. So I bar-hopped down Walking street towards the beach, and ended up in a beer bar on the beach road. Boy was I having fun with some of the girls there, all the while thinking how to get rid of the one back in the room!

Sitting on the sidewalk in front of the bar was a beggar, a young guy, well dressed and clean, but he had both arms missing from the shoulders. He never held out a cup begging from passers-by, well how could he, he had no bloody arms. But he sat there so proud, and entertained those guys sitting at the bar just by getting a cigarette out of a packet and putting it in his mouth, opening a match box, taking a match and striking it, and lighting up his cigarette, all with his toes and feet. From time to time, he might scratch his nose, and make us all laugh. So what did I do? I sent him over a bottle of beer, just to see how he was going to manage that, and the little fucker had no problem with it, in fact it was too easy for him. He was more entertaining than begging, and made his money that way; the plate beside him was always full of money. People would stop and watch him show off.

He had perfect English and very intelligent, so I invited him to sit on the stool next to me and got him a few beers while we had a chat. I learned a lot of the goings on in Pattaya from him. Eventually he got pissed, and asked, "Why are you buying me too much beer?" I said, "Well as you have no arms...I want to see how you're going to get home legless." Eventually as the rest of the guys were sending him over beer, he got so pissed he couldn't light his own cigarettes, so I had to do it for him for the rest of the evening. Then I paid for a taxi, to take him home.

I was really into one of the girls in that bar, and I told her I had a girl in my room but was going to get rid of her the next day. A few hours into the evening, little grumpy, the one I took with me, turned up, "You spying on me?" "No, no, I just come out to buy a toothbrush, and just happen to see you sitting here." "Your for the off tomorrow sweetie!" "Ah no Paul! My boss angry me, because you pay for two weeks." "No problem I fix everything." She put the dampers on the rest of the night, the other girls in the bar staying well clear. I took her back to the room, and boy did I get the ride of my life, all the rest of the night, trying to convince me to keep her, but my mind was made up.

The next morning I told her to pack, and she cried her eyes out. She was worried about her boss. I told her that I will not say anything to her boss, and as she was paid for the rest of the two weeks, she had an opportunity to take a holiday and go home and visit her family. She still had the remaining days I paid for, then after the time was up, she goes back to work, and her boss will think she has spent the time with me. I gave her a few thousand to go home with, then her eyes had a sparkle, a smile from ear to ear, and she jumped up and down like a school-girl on a skipping rope.

She told me, "You know Paul! I vely happy...I only work Bangkok two months...I vely, vely home sick...this why I think too much...you make for me this, I not forget you Paul." Then the penny dropped, and then I knew why she was so moody. I told her that her boss must pay her $700 plus her salary, and if he didn't pay enough, she was to call me and I would send a couple of friends from Lumpini around to him. He will know what I mean.

We got a tuk tuk to the bus station, which was in Soi 1 at that time, and I put her on a bus to her home. I then walked back towards my hotel in Walking street, past Soi 6, or Soi Yodsak, those days there was no bars in the street, for the simple fact that this was where the city hall (Yodsak) took up half the street.

I had just gotten to my hotel, and just before I turned into its little driveway, I noticed a marked police car parked outside with three cops loitering around it. Across the road was a marked Pattaya police car, with a couple of cops in it. I thought something must have happened in the hotel, and as I approached the police car, one of the cops looked at me, "Are you Mr. Paul?" And I thought, fuck! What have I done now?

"Yep! That's me." "We wait for you long time" "What you want?" "We come from Lumpini...captain wants to know you Ok." "Yes I'm Ok." Satisfied, they started to get back into the squad car to go back to Bangkok, "Wow, wow, wow, you drive all the way from Bangkok just to ask me that, and now you're going to drive all the way back?" "Yes! That's all we were told to do" "No, no, no...come on!" I took them into the hotel room and sent a boy to the shop to get some cold beers, and some Thai food from a stall outside, and let them eat and drink in the room.

We all had a laugh, and from time to time the sergeant would get up and look through the window at the Pattaya squad car sitting outside, saying, "He, he, he! They don't know why we come here." Then he looks around the room and says, "This place is no good for you Paul." After the beer and food was finished, he mumbled something to the other two, and they both got up, one went to the bathroom and collected my toiletries, the other packed my suitcase. "Come on Paul, I know a good hotel." "They are all full." "They are not full for you." We checked out, but I didn't have to pay a thing, as it looked like they were giving the reception shit, probably for being a shit hole, and wasn't worth paying. Then we all piled into the squad car and drove down the beach road, to I think it was Soi 10, with this Pattaya squad car following us. We stopped at a really nice hotel, and as we walked in everyone stopped to see what was going on, with the cops carrying my luggage.

At reception the conversation went like this; The cop said, "You HAVE a room for this man." "We HAVE?" "Yes you HAVE." "Oh, yes, yes we HAVE." "And you HAVE a discount." "We HAVE?" "Yes you HAVE" "20% Ok?" "Yes! That's Ok." This hotel turned me away the day before, saying they were fully booked till the end of the season. Basically I had two squad cars outside, including the one that was spying on us, so every one was quite nervous when we strolled in. Not only the hotel staff but the guests sitting in the lobby, at the bar, and by the swimming pool, as we walked passed to get to the room. I settled into the room and off they went back to Bangkok.

After that day, I could have had the staff doing somersaults if I wanted, and I was getting nothing but discounts and freebies all the time I stayed there. A few days into staying there I noticed the rest of the guests avoiding me. Until one night I came in and sat at the swimming pool bar, with only one guy sitting there. I tried to strike up a conversation with him, but he seemed to be reluctant to talk to me, so I forced him to tell me what was going on. "There's a very unfriendly bunch of fuckers staying at this hotel isn't there?" "Ah, well emmm, they are friendly enough, but it's just you." "What about me?" "Well, when you came here the first day...we all thought you were some kind of special cop...but as you're not Thai...we all think you might be a hardened criminal, or something."

So I explained what happened, and properly introduced myself, and we had a laugh about it. The following night I walked into the pool bar, which was full of guests, partying away, and the guy I was talking to the night before, stopped everyone with, "Shhuuuush, the cop's are here." Everyone burst out laughing, as he must have put everyone wise about the whole episode, and from then on in, the crack was 90.

I stayed there a couple of weeks, then I moved into the Diana Inn, where I befriended Ian the manager there, he was a real hotel manager, and was responsible for putting it on the map. He couldn't do enough for the guests, and he advised me as I was staying a long time to take one of their bungalows in the back, behind the swimming pool at 3000 baht a month. Then I rented out a Honda 100cc from the most honest hirer in the town, which was just outside the police station. Made a good deal with him and hired it by the month.

That guy was a gem, as I rented it for just over the first year, he came to me, and took the old bike away and changed it to a brand new one. I told him the old one was fine, but he insisted I take the new one because I was his special customer, and told me his father invited me for dinner at his home in Naklua, which I took him up on his invitation, and had a ball.

A few months later I had a bad accident on the Naklua road, when I was going full boot and a twat in a pick-up decided to do a U-turn, and didn't see me coming. I smashed right into him full force, somersaulted over the pick-up, and proceeded to bounce down the road a long distance, which seemed to take ages before grinding to a halt. I remember thinking to myself as I was bouncing, "For fuck sake Paul! Will you stop bouncing, or you'll be in Bangkok in a minute." I must have resurfaced half of the Naklua road with my skin.

The pick-up took off, as it was his fault, then almost immediately a passing pick-up stopped and four guys got out and picked up the bike and the rest of its peaces off the road and put them into the pick-up, then lifted me from the middle of the road and lay me in the back as well. They rushed me to the nearest hospital, and asked me where did I rent the bike from.

Shortly later the hirer came to see me in the hospital, but I was more concerned about his bike, "Did you get the bike?" "Yes, they bring it to me already" "Sorry about you bike" "I not worry about the bike, I worry you are Ok!" I told him I will pay for any repairs needed, and he told me not to worry. A couple of weeks later when I was almost recovered, he brought the bike back to me, as good as new. I asked him how much did I owe him, and he told me 70 baht.

"70 baht? Come on now, your joking me!" He laughed and explained, that he had a good friend that repairs motorcycles, and he'd rather take a sledgehammer and a bit of heat to straighten out the bike, rather than replace the broken parts, thus saving me money. He was not the same as the others who hire out bikes, those who are always looking for damages, as another way to rip off tourists.

After just over two years of renting this bike off him, I went one day as usual to give him his money, he wouldn't take it, and telling me first I must go for dinner in his home, as his father wanted to see me. So that evening we went to his home, and during dinner his father started to speak to me, with his son translating, and went something like this.

"Paul two years ago my son and I had only four motorcycles to rent out. Then you came along and started to rent one by the month. The money you gave us each month went to get four new motorcycles on the H.P. The money you gave us each month covered their installments and these four extra bikes we were able to rent out and double our income. Now two years later, we have twenty motorcycles, and you remember when I invite you to dinner before, I look at you, then I know you will bring us good luck."He put the spare key in my hand, and said, "This is your motorcycle now...you pay no more." I told him, the luck didn't come from me, it came from within themselves, for their honesty. Nevertheless I drove home on my own bike.

But all this time, I had basically been on the piss for over a year, I was too busy enjoying myself, instead of looking for a business to run. I must have shagged half the town by then. I had befriended a Swiss guy, Renée, who owned one of the beer bars in the middle of Soi Diamond, and another little one that did food, next door to the Limaquay. I would end up there most nights and the ladyboys of the town had only the Limaquay, Linda's across the road on Walking street, and the Simon Cabaret up the street a bit. They would shift between these three places, and sometimes used Renée's bar, as he was the only one who didn't mind them, in fact he quite enjoyed their company, as did I.

I would always be buying them drink and having great crack with them most nights, and in that year I only took back no more than three of them. I ended up quite close friends with most of them, and didn't need to spoil the friendship, by fucking them. I treated them with the utmost respect, and helped them out a little at times.

My money was starting to run out, but no problems, all I had to do was lift up the phone, and get some of my stash sent over from Singapore...but the guy who was keeping it for me was in Saudi Arabia. So I called him there and told him to send over $30G's, and then waited for him to arrange the transfer from Singapore to my account in the Bangkok Bank.

I waited and waited six weeks, and was living on a bag of rice and a bottle of ketchup. Ian the manager was covering me as I didn't pay the rent, but was concerned, at the same time I had no money to go out, but to save my sanity at night take a walk around the town like a hobo, instead of being stuck in the room. To top it all, every GG Bitch that I shagged, and was very, very generous too, and when they found out I had no money they would just flick their hair and walk away, as if to say, "Fuck you, you're no use to me with no money." Every one of the bitches did that.

It was common for a bank transfer to take 30 days at that time, but now I'm in my 8th week, and no sign of it. Ian was very worried and let me phone my mate in Saudi most every night but no answer, and I started to think the worst. I decided to bring in the heavies and called another mate in Saudi that you really wouldn't want to fuck with, and told him what the situation was, "Don't worry Paul within 30 minutes I'll be kicking his door down, and you will get your money soon enough." I told Ian not to worry it should be sorted out in a week.

I found the walk around the town a lot easier, and I went to Renée's bar, sat down and ordered a glass of water. It wasn't long before one of my ladyboy mates, the oldest one of the lot, sat down beside me. She could see in my face there was something wrong and asked, "Paul are you Ok? What's the matter?" "I have no money. I am waiting two months and the money not come." "Is that why you drink water? Give Paul a beer and whatever he wants, on my bill...just a minute Paul I come back!" "No, no, you can't afford it!" "Listen Paul, look my bankbook. You see! I have more than five million in the bank...don't think about that." This is the third rich Ladyboy I have come across now.

She must have told some of the others in the Limaquay, as five minutes later, she came back with 5-6 of them, all concerned of my well being, "Paul you still have room? If you have problem you stay with us" "Paul you eat Ok?" "I go buy Paul some food." "I buy Paul another drink." Then they all chipped in and stuck a few hundred baht in my pocket. So now I'm sitting at the bar eating and getting pissed, as they were all partying hard to cheer me up. I don't know who drove me home, but I had a right session with her, back in the loom.

After that it seemed they organized a Rota, starting the next afternoon when two of them would come with food and a few bottles of beer, the evening another two would come with a few beers, and we would all have a right session in bed. This went on every day, and it was like a whole bunch of aunts just adopted me, one coming in and washing my clothes, the other washing the dishes etc. etc.

This went on for about a week until one night the girls were getting me pissed up at Renée's bar, when out of thin air, my Singaporean Chinese mate taped me on the shoulder. He seemed to be very nervous, and told me my money, $30G's cash was in a briefcase, in my hotel safe, and that he thought I got the first batch he sent through the bank two months ago, and gave me the bank transfer receipts, showing it was sent.

I thought he was nervous being around the ladyboys, but fuck my old boots he was right in there, after he explained everything, and ended up taking two of them back to the hotel. The next day we both went to the police, then with them went to the bank. We found out that the money conveniently disappeared at this end, and there was nothing could be done about it. In those days this happened regular also.

I asked my Chinese mate why he was so nervous; he told me the heavy that I sent to him frightened the life out of him, and as he was keeping another $30G's, when I needed it to give him time to get a flight as he would bring it personally, and not to send the heavy to him again. That afternoon he jumped into a taxi, heading back to the airport. The poor guy only stayed for one day.

So I went back to Diana inn, and cleared all with Ian, drove over to Renée's house and asked him what does the bar normally make in a day, he gave me a figure, and I whacked it in his hand plus a fair bit more. "Tonight your bar is free for all ladyboys, if it costs anymore we will sort it out tomorrow." Then I went to see the old Ladyboy millionaire, and asked her to help me organize the food for that night, and told her what I was doing, to spread the word it was a ladyboys-only party tonight at Renée's bar, with free drink and food, no limits.

From 6pm until 6am it was a hell of a party, and the atmosphere was electric. From that time on, if I heard anyone bad mouthing ladyboys, be it in Thailand, here in Holland, or anywhere else, I would soon jump down their throats with this story, which soon shuts them up.

Of course, the ladyboys today are somewhat different from those days, but when I meet one these days, I look deep in her eyes to see if there is any magic of the old days in them, and if there's a spark there, then we've clicked.

[Nemisis]

Chapter 09 €“ The Angel, Letter Writer & Witch

So everything is back to normal, and I have a few pennies in my pocket again. I sat myself down and gave myself a good ole lecture, "Right you Irish twat! No more on the piss...start to invest in something." Well being on the piss for over a year, I knew the town inside out, and all the characters in it, good, bad, honest, and rogues.

I befriended many a good person, including one Thai guy in particular Winai, who was like a brother to me. He didn't have a bad bone in his body, and he was honest as a saint. I sat with him one night at his bar in Soi 2, and told him I had to invest in something, "Paul I've been telling you that all along." He told me the bar next to him was up for sale, and this bar was the biggest bar in the Soi 2 beer bar complex. Winai was well in with the police and always had a couple round a few nights a week, he sorted everything out and we used his name for the license for both bars, I refurbished it, and looked around for staff, and a live band, which was the first live band in Soi 2.

Winai did the interviews during the day, and we ended up with 40 girls total. A band turned up from Bangkok, so I gave them a shot. They were just borderline terrible, but were the best I could get. I still see them playing in some bars on the second road, and have been meaning to stop and say hello, but I just can't stand listening to them. I think I would need to take something for the immune system first, before walking into their bar. So, I had the biggest bar, live music, and 40 girls, now all I needed were some customers.

I had more staff than the rest of the bars there, so my priority was to get them bar fined as much as possible, and I had to make my girls different from the rest of the girls in the other bars. I devised a cunning plan that I picked up from Jimmy, the manager of the New Bangkok A-go-go, in the Philippines, that I mentioned earlier. I got some medical ID books printed, then hunted around for a VD clinic, sat down with the doctor and explained, "You're sitting on your ass doing nothing most times right?" "Well yes...why?" "Well I have a proposition for you. I have 40 girls, and I want them checked out every two weeks. I am going to pay for this, but I want a good discount, or I will not do it with you. If you find something wrong with them, they will pay. If they are clear...then you must stamp this book," then I showed him the book I got printed up.

It was only a check-up, which was never heard of then, as people normally only go after the fact, when there is something wrong with them. I explained that 40 girls would be 80 checks a month, and told him a certain percentage will need medication, so he had a guaranteed income every month, instead of sitting on his ass day after day. He was delighted, and only charged 30 baht per check-up.

I am very good with the PR, and would be circling round and round the bar taking care of the punters every night. I would always get the question, "What's she like...is she clean?" Then I could safely say yes, and explain about the book and the check-ups. But some nights I would walk in and first thing check all their books, and there were always a few of them afraid of needles, so I would spend the first hour taxiing two at a time to the clinic, on my Honda.

After the first opening party, with free food, etc. I was seeing the reaction and the money I took in. I thought it would be a good idea to have a party at least once a month minimum. People always remember a full and busy bar, and not an empty one. Word soon got round about me, the way I run the girls, and if Soi 2 complex was dead, my bar was always full. This started envy, and jealousy from the rest of the bars. So instead of taking ugly stares from a distance, I would pick a target bar that would be doing a lot of moaning, and slip away from my bar for a few drinks in that one. Then I would get to know the owners (which were all Thai) that way, they would get to know me and I them, and I would explain to them that my bar was attracting customers to the Soi 2 complex in general, and it was for their benefit also. We all ended up one big happy family in the Soi 2 complex from then on in.

The band was from Bangkok, and had a lot of friends coming to Pattaya for the Thai holidays, which would always come to my bar, to see them. They sat in my bar and attracted some Japanese, Koreans, and Singaporeans. So the bar was well mixed and very international.

Don't shit on your own doorstep. These were words I lived by. This meant never take anyone from the whole Soi 2 complex, let alone my own. When I had time, normally after 2am, I would jump on the bike and head up to Renée's, and see my real friends in Soi Diamond. I always had a few drinks with them and a bit of crack, while looking for a girl passing, to take home to shag, and the odd time one of my friends.

There wasn't a problem going with my customers though, after all, my staff did the same. Lucky to be young and good looking, I had my share. One particular night, in came a German couple, and I doing my usual PR and started chatting to them. She was blonde and quite good looking; I think he was a nerd. Throughout the conversation she kept dropping hints that she would like to fuck my brains out. I ignored it a few times, but the more I talked, the more she wanted to fuck me. The guy she was with was playing around with a couple of the girls; she simply turned round to him and said she was going to take me back to the room for a shag. He just smiled and said he will stay at the bar with the girls.

So we just walked across the road to where the €˜Big C' is now, where there was a nice bungalow type hotel there. We got into the room, she pushed me down on the bed, and we started rolling about the bed kissing passionately, while ripping each other's clothes off. I paused and said, "First a shower," she said, "No, come on I'm too horny." So I jumped up anyway and took a shower, thinking she will follow. Nope! When I finished my shower, I came back to the bedroom to find her laying there naked with her arms stretched out, "Come on fuck me!" "Aren't you going to take a shower?" "No! I'm too horny, I don't want to loose the mood." "Well then! No shower no fuck." I got dressed and fucked off. As I left, I passed by the nerd twat sleeping on a bench just outside the room. What a dirty bitch eh? She put me off western women for the rest of my life.

The Angel

Time to brighten things up a bit, as a month later, in walked a couple from Australia. The guy was very well dressed and looked like he had a great deal of money under his belt. But, who was with him? A goddess, a star that just fell from heaven, she was tall with long blonde hair down to her ass, a face that was so beautiful it glowed. She had big beautiful rounded breasts, a very small waist line, and a beautiful ripe pear-shaped ass, wearing a tight white evening dress all the way down to her ankles, with a slit all the way up to her hip. I never before saw anything more perfect, in all my life.

She had the body of Marilyn Monroe, or May West, and I was over to her like a dog in heat. I parked my ass beside her, "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Does God know he's missing an angel?" She smiled and spoke very softly with a classy voice, he did to, but fuck him! I didn't want to talk to him. "What part of heaven did you fall from?" ..... "Australia" ....... "Is this very lucky man your boyfriend?" ...... "No! He's just a friend...we just arrived today, and it's my first time in Thailand. He just tagged along, because I was afraid to come alone"........ "Well he is still a very lucky man, just to walk in the same space as you." The more I gave her the silver tongue, the more that smile broke into laughter, and she became more relaxed. But to be honest, I was actually shaking with nerves, her beauty was so powerful.

This is the first time I had ever met a proper shemale.

A couple of hours into the conversation, she was worried I didn't know what she was, "You know Paul I am not actually a woman" ..... "Ahk sure I knew that the minute you walked into the bar...you're far too beautiful to be a woman." She relaxed even more and was a bit blown over with my response. The bloke who was with her said, "Paul can you look after her, I want to go pussy hunting." ...... "Ahk surely I'll do that for you mate...she's in safe hands here boy." He laughed and gave me a look as if to say, "Aye right! Safe hands my ass pfff!" Well he knew I was all over her, but he could also see she was very comfortable with me.

So when we got rid of him, I said, "Fancy meeting some of my friends?" ..... "Yes, why not? Just don't leave me anywhere on my own." We took a baht-bus, as there was no way she was riding my bike in that dress, and stopped at Soi Diamond. When I normally walk up that Soi to Renée's bar alone, I am normally greeted by 4-5 of my LB friends, with a hug and a peck on the cheek. When I walked up with Angel hand in hand, the first to spot us was 6-8 LB's with screams of excitement, but the closer I got the screams faded into a wide-eyed, gaped mouth, I want to look like that expression.

Renée's bar was full, all the stools were taken, so I walked up behind an old guy sitting there and tapped him on the shoulder, "Get your fat ass up off the stool and give the lady a seat. Have you no manners?" The old guy looks round, "Ha, ha Jesus Paul! How's it going young man?"...... "Never mind how's it going, get your fat ass up." The old guy of course was a friend, glanced at who I was with, got stunned for a second and quickly jumped up, "I'm so sorry madam for being so rude," and shuffled her onto his stool. As she sat there we were both standing at each side of her, slightly behind her, and all I got from him were a couple of winks, and nodding to her, "Fucking hell Paul eh, eh, you've hit the jackpot there boy, eh, eh, eh!"

Before we could order a drink, there were two sent over to us from Renée, who was doing a bit of PR at the other side of the bar. Of course that was his cue to come over, as I could see he couldn't take his eyes off her, even when he pretended to listen to a customer. It was going in through one ear and out the other, nodding his head saying "yes, yes, yes, excuse me but I must speak with this guy about a bit of business," another dog in heat now, pffff.

Now Renée was shorter than me, bald on top with a comb over, and looked like he was going to die the next day from kidney and liver failure, he drank that much. Boy did he have a silver tongue, he was the master and I was only an apprentice compared to him, and boy was he giving her the full treatment. After a while I had to go and get a brush from behind the bar, and started to brush at his feet, making him take a few steps backwards. "Excuse me Angel, just let me shoo this old Swiss mongrel away from you sweetheart." Renée burst out laughing, "Ha, ha, Paul you're not jealous are you?" ... "Too right I'm jealous."
This way I was letting her know of my intentions, she copped on and said, "Ha, ha , ha, now Renée you're a sweet guy, but don't make my man jealous, you don't want us having an argument in bed tonight, now do you?" Now she is letting me know her intentions. Things were clear without discussing it. Renée then said, "Yes, yes, I do want you to have a big fight...then you'll come running back to me where you belong."

Renée knew what she was, but like me didn't give a fuck, with the same attitude, "I'll fuck anything that looks that good." But of course he couldn't, as his wife was there, doing cashier with a Colt .45 in her purse, and had already shot him twice for fucking around. She always told me, she never aimed to kill, just to give him enough pain, so he didn't forget where his place was. A great couple all the same though, and are still together. But wait a minute! I took Angel up to see my LB friends...where are they?

Like I said they were stunned at Angel's beauty, and weren't their usual bold selves. In fact they cowered in a huddle at the other end of the bar, and just couldn't take their eyes off her, and from time to time, whispered to each other about Angel, with the usual girly talk. To top it all off Angel thought she was the only TS there. So I called them over and got them a drink, and introduced them one by one to Angel. I could see that they were a bit shy for a change, and sort of treated her like royalty, and Angel was in her element, and the conversation turned to make-up, cloths, breast implants etc. The next thing some of the LB's, were running over to Linda's or the Limaquay bringing back others to introduce them to Angel. They were all buying drinks and ended up a right party atmosphere.

A couple of LB's and myself thought it would be a laugh to bring Angel into the Limaquay, when they told me what was going on inside there at the moment. So we made a move to the Limaquay, and as we entered and sat down at the bar, that was the first time I heard Angel curse, "Fucking hell," with her eyes popping out, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. This is because a rugby team accidentally walked in minutes before pissed up and thought they were all real girls. By the left of the stage on the sofas there were three of them sitting with their pants around their ankles, and hovering over them were three LB's in their dancing gear, standing astride in front of them, bent over and giving the three lads a vicious blow job, and the rest of the team were cheering them on. It looked like they were having some sort of a competition, to see who came first, which would be the loser, and have to buy the drinks.

Angel got really turned on by this and dropped her hand and started to massage my cock and balls, through my pants, and in seconds I got a boner, Angel looked at me and gave me a dirty smile and wink. One of the LB's copped on to this, and jokingly said, "Angel! I jealous you play with Paul...I afraid you take him away from us, ha, ha, ha!"...... "Don't worry I am only going to borrow him for a little while. I give him back to you when I finished, ha, ha, ha." Angel was well into the scene the first night and didn't look back. Now she has a whole bunch of new sisters, and didn't feel so alone, and the glass case she was in was now shattered.

Later we both went back to her hotel, and had a very passionate night, and it continued that way for the rest of the two weeks she was there, before going to Chang Mai for a week then back to Oz. I convinced her to wear just a pair of jeans and t-shirt the rest of the time and we would be buzzing around the usual and unusual places on my Honda, or out on the islands. Evenings would start off at my bar, then head up to other bars, introducing her as a proper female, and nobody was any the wiser.

We decided to take a trip with the LBs, so 10 of them and ourselves went a few days to Koh Larn, and had a right ball, all the while the LB's pulling me to the side, "Well! How is she?" .... "How is she what?" "You know! How is she in bed?" .... "Why you ask me...go ask your sister." ...... "I cannot...I shy." The LB's had been more curious about what she looked like naked, and how was she in the sack. So I turned to Angel, "Hey Angel! They want to know what you're like in the sack." ...... "Well Paul there's only one way to find out, eh." So Angel and I picked the cream out of the bunch, selected three, one of them a post-op, just to have a bit of variety, and had a couple of orgies back in the room, during that two weeks.

No money involved, as they were more curious to what Angel looked like naked, and what she was packing, wanted to fuck, and be fucked by her. Boy was I in my element that time; it couldn't have gotten better than this, a couple of nights with a western shemale, two LB's with, and one without. That's a memory you would take to the grave. She sent me a telegram from Chang Mai, telling me she met a bloke up there, but it was an anti-climax compared to the fun she had in Pattaya, and thanked me for it, and to say "Hi!" to all the girls for her.

The Letter Writer

Life is just one big €˜Trip Report,' your birth is your arrival, and your death is your departure, and memories are just scribbled words on the page, which brings me to the €˜Letter Writer.'

One afternoon I went to the bar for some reason, I think it was the speaker system, when I came across the old man who wrote letters for the girls to their boyfriends, sitting at my bar. He normally does his rounds daily, and charged 5 baht to write each letter for them. I sat and had a chat with him, and he turned out to be very intelligent, but by the stink of him, he was living somewhere that didn't have a bathing facility, and by the smell off his breath he had a drinking problem. As I sat closed to him I found it hard to keep my breakfast down, and every breath I took, I turned to the side to get a breath of fresh air coming from another direction.

It seemed the old man was a school teacher, teaching English among other things, most of his life, but probably his drinking problem put a stop to that, I just didn't want to pry. He was a nice old bloke, and when he moved on that day, I inspected the letters that he translated, and they were a little incomprehensible, so I sat there and rewrote all of them.

This happened a few times later, he would come along, write the letters for the girls, then they would bring them to me and I would correct them. The girls then got the smart idea, why pay 5 baht to the old man, when boss can do better for free. I would explain to them that I was their boss and not a letter writer, and that they must respect the old man, for trying to make a living, and I would not take the rice from his mouth. I would only correct them, after they had paid the old man for a translated letter.

A little while later I pulled him about his translations, and told him he would have to try a little harder. Sure enough, he started to do a lot better, and as I was showing a bit of interest in him, he would pay me a visit in the evening, "Paul how should write this, how should I write that."

Eventually, as he was a good old soul, I sat him down one afternoon and gave him a proposition. I told him up front that he should get his act together, start washing even if it's in the sea, and cut down on the drink. I gave him 100 baht to get a shirt and pants, to be more respectable looking, because the next day I would like to see him at the bar, and he better not spend the money on booze, or he would have to avoid my bar in future.

He left with a surprised look on his face, and later I got my girls all together and told them my plan, then told Winai the same, as I needed him to go with me the next day to get some supplies in Naklua.

So the next morning, Winai and I went to Naklua, and got a blackboard and easel, a supply of chalk, notebooks, pens, and pencils, then took them back to the bar. I set up the blackboard in the center of the bar (remember it's the biggest bar there), and waited for the old man to turn up. When he did turn up he was in a new shirt and pants and looked very clean. I explained, "Listen old man! This is your new school...there is your blackboard, here is a supply of books, pens, and pencils to get you started. Thirty of my girls want lessons and they will give you 2 baht an afternoon lesson (I had to make sure it was affordable for the girls also). That's 60 baht for you in one afternoon. You can give 2-3 lessons a week, that's 120-180 per week income for you, plus your income from the letter writing, it's all up to you now. Feel free to use my bar as your classroom, as much as you like, just as long as everything is put away before 6pm when the bar officially opens."

Well after the old man stopped crying and wiped his tears away, he gave me a big hug. Thank fuck he had a good wash earlier. Now it wasn't just for his benefit, but for the staff's also, for communication with the boyfriends and customers, also for my benefit, when communicating with my staff, so we were all winners. Just a couple of weeks into this program, I noticed the other girls from the rest of the bars in the complex, taking the classes also, eventually the center of the bar was full, and all the stools around the bar were all taken up, and we had to borrow stools from the neighboring bars.

Even some of the Thai owners of the other bars were taking the lessons and this put me in even more good grace with the rest of the bars there. What I thought the old man would make in a week, he was making in one afternoon. This was the first private English/German (he was also good at German) language school in Pattaya.

I was pretty proud of myself to see this, and I could see the old man transforming himself back in time, to the man he use to be. It went on for about a year until he was able to get himself some proper premises, and carried on with his school. He is long since dead now, but at least he died in better surroundings, than what he might have done, if I didn't give him a helping hand.

During this time I helped Winai buy his own house, as he was freaking out on a house that was going for a song in Naklua, but his beer bar income didn't reach the target. So I gave him a gift of just over 100,000 baht to close the deal, as he had a great wife, two kids, and one on the way. Like I said they were family to me, and he never lets me forget to this day about that. Now as I said before my band was from Bangkok, and keeping them on the payroll got me a certain percentage of Thai customers, especially through low season, and Thai holidays.

The Witch

One particular time a bunch of girls came down from Bangkok for the holidays, and partied at my bar. I noticed one of them stuck out more than the others; she was very tall, much taller than the average Thai female, conservatively dressed, long black hair, and very good looking. They weren't P4P, and I found it difficult to approach her, but then the town is full of pussy, why bother?

The first night they were there, I did my usual stunt when it came after midnight, by jumping on my bike and headed up to Soi Diamond, to select my next victim for the night, and left them all there at my bar. The next night, they were all there again and I paid no attention to her, but she was trying to eye me up. As usual I jumped on my bike and drove down Soi 2 towards the beach, and turned on the beach road heading for Walking Street. Unknown to me, she saw me leaving, and ran to the motorcycle taxis parked there and knocked one of the Thai boys off his bike, and told him she was just borrowing it for a minute, and followed me. She caught up with me on the Beach Road, over took me, and flagged me down, like a state trooper.

I stopped a few yards behind her, she gets off the bike and walks back to me sitting on mine, "Where are you going," she inquired. "I'm going to look for a woman to fuck for the night" "Well I'm a woman." "Ahh, oh ah yes well." "Come on! Let me take this bike back to the guy I took it off, and we go back to your place...Ok?" "Well seeing you put it that way...I suppose I might as well." This is the first time I met my ex-wife, €˜Kanetha (Tukta) the Witch.'

I took her back to my place, and it was a hell of a session, I wanted to see how far I could push her the whole night, with oral, anal, mutual masturbation, she didn't have a problem with anything. The next day she told me she had to go back to Bangkok, as it was her birthday, and her family had arranged a party for her. "So, Paul! What are you doing tonight?" "The usual! Take care of my bar. Then look for another peace of ass to fuck tonight." Then I gave her 500 baht, she threw it back in my face and gave me a slap, "Don't insult me Paul." I could see she was in deep thought, when I told her I was going to fuck another piece of ass that night, so she call the family in Bangkok, saying she wasn't going to make it for her birthday party, and to have it without her. "I've changed my mind, I'm going to stay with you Paul." "Ok! Up to you." But...I was actually falling in love with the Witch.

Now you might have noticed, I referred to her as €˜The Witch.' This is not meant in any aggressive way, it's because she really was a witch. She practiced the art of telling futures and the meaning of dreams. Her family believed she was possessed by a bunch of demons, but I didn't find that out until after I married her.

It all started when she was born, on a stormy night, with heavy thunder and lightning. Just born she was very sick and was about to die, so her mother took her to the local temple, to see if the monks could do anything. The monks examined her and found she was possessed with demons, and she was not to leave the temple, or she would truly die. Her mother had to leave her there, and she was raised by the monks for 10 years.

Until one day she took it into her head to go and see the family, sneaking out of the temple one night, and went to the family home. The family chastised her for leaving the temple, and took her back, when suddenly as she put one step onto the sacred ground of the temple, she would fall down on the ground, rolling, shaking, vomiting, and speaking in tongues. She was never to be able to enter any temple, ever again, and one foot on holy ground always resulted in the same reaction.

She had a very strong personality, and was a very strong woman. I remember her mother telling me when she was younger, she beat up two cops and took their patrol motorcycle, and no charges were brought, the two cops just went to her home and politely asked, "Please can we have our motorcycle back." They didn't want it to be known back in the station that it was a girl that beat them up and stole their motorcycle, as they would lose face.

She was always right no matter how wrong she was...very bad tempered, and would go all out to win an argument, even when it meant running into our restaurant kitchen to get the sharpest butcher knife to stick me with. Of course she couldn't make her mind up which knife, resulting in her running out of the kitchen like Edward Scissorhands, with five knives in each fist. After overpowering her, disarming her, and getting a couple of wounds in the bargain, I would have her pinned to the floor, and then she would start to speak in them fucking tongues again.

Her sister or some staff would be frightened, trying to listen to what the demons were saying. I thought it was a class act, and thought she must have taken ventriloquist lessons somewhere along the line. To me this way she didn't have to take the blame, "It wasn't me it was the demons," so to speak.

I tried a different approach later, as when the argument started, and just before she went for the knives, I would grab her, throw her over my shoulder, carry her upstairs to the empty bedroom on the first floor, bend her over, rip off her panties, and fuck the ass off her saying, "Take that you fucking demons." That seemed to do the trick, as I would zip up and go back down to the bar, she follows a minute later fixing her hair on the way, then sat down at the cashier stool behind the bar, as if nothing had happened.

Other times I would just fuck off on the bike, and go on the piss, and shag two, three girls, or the odd LB. One time I was so pissed I took out seven girls, waltzing about like Lord Muck, in my mate's bars, they were all pissing themselves laughing. Took them back to a hotel room, and didn't know what to do with them all, so I sent four of them out to get something to eat while I dealt with the first three. Then when the other four came back I sent the first three out to eat. The poor girls didn't know what to do as I was the only one there. One sucking my cock, one licking my balls, one sitting on my face, and the fourth didn't know what to do...the poor girl felt left out.

One time after a day or so, I came back into my restaurant pissed with a girl under each arm and the three of us sat down. I think I was making the statement, "You not the only bitch in town." The Witch would quietly come over and say, "Would you like a cup of tea love?" "Yep!" with a cheeky pissed smile, then she calmly turned to the two girls sitting on ether side of me, "This is my husband. It's better if you leave now" "Oh sorry pee...we didn't know." "That's Ok...run!"

If she got wind from the Thai telegraph, that I was seen with a LB, and I eventually came back and went to bed to sleep it all off, she would later sneak back into the bedroom. While I was pretending to be sleeping she would pull the sheets down roll he onto my stomach and pry the cheeks of my ass wide open, to give my ass hole a close inspection, to see if I had been fucked. I am one of those who don't take it up the jacksy...but she would never mention anything.

Of course the first couple of years she was nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in that woman's mouth, and the sex was always out of this world. There were times when she would be sitting at the cashier position behind the bar of our restaurant, The Mick O'Mouse, in the afternoon, I might walk behind the bar to get something, and if I got too close, bang! She would grab my cock out and start to suck, in broad daylight, with the whole of Pattaya walking by peering in. Of course you could only see me from just below the chest up, standing there with a dirty smile on my face, greeting some passers by, "All right there! How's it going?" while she was sucking the life out of me. It was dead exciting knowing a customer could walk in on us at any second.

Another thing she liked to do was when giving me a blow job, and after cumming in her mouth, she would swallow and not stop, and continue the blow job without stopping until I came the second time. Fuck that second time is awesome, and had me shaking like a leaf! Bit of a control freak if you ask me.

[Nemisis]

Chapter 10 - The Mick O'Mouse Bar

So together we ran the 747 bar in Soi 2, and we both went for a drink late in the evening the odd time to other friends bars. One of these evenings we went to Renée's bar, and while chatting to him I mentioned it was hard to get a good place to eat western food around Pattaya, and I was thinking to open a place of my own. Renée always had his fingers in other pies, and told me he had several bars, which are not being used, and maybe I could turn one of them into a restaurant.

The next day, Renée and I met up and he showed me some places that he had. There were a couple in Soi Yamato, and one in Soi Post Office or Soi Bas-an-nee (the street with the Post Office). I liked the one in Soi Post Office better, it had been closed for four months now, and anyone that was in there before only lasted no more than three months. He had rented it out to 5-6 clients, but nobody seemed to last that long for some reason.

So we made a deal, and I took it over, then I started to renovate it. I got wind that there was a fleet coming soon, and that was my deadline. But getting the Thai's organized for all the different work that had to be done on time was almost impossible, and I had to do most of the work myself, but it was too late, the fleet was in, and I couldn't open in time.

The fleet was in for six days, and it was already two day in, when I took a stroll down the street and came across four squids (sailors), sitting on the sidewalk with a depressed look about them. "What's up with you guys?" "Ah we went crazy the first two days and spent all our money...but we don't want to go back on the ship." My brain started to work over time, "Well it's lucky for you guys that you bumped into me then." "What cha mean?" "I'm fixing up a bar just up the street, and I'm doing most of it on my own...give me a hand and I'll sort you all out with some grub, drink and a bed. How does that sound?" "Sounds fucking great! Lead on man."

Another two joined my wolf pack, and I handed out jobs for them to do, put a big pot of curry on, rice and salad, and fed them. And at the end of each evening, I handed out cold beers, and let them sleep in the guestrooms, of which I had five, plus an apartment on the top for me and the witch. The remaining four days I got most of the work done, and having six of them sitting drinking beer in my bar in the evening, attracted a lot more squids to come inside to buy a beer, actually they were calling them in, to get me a bit of business, so long as they kept their mouths shut, that their beer was free.

When the fleet left, I started with just an Irish breakfast all day, until I got enough cookers in, and then added Irish stew, a selection of home made pies, including shepherds pie. Eventually building up to full dinners, which I had 32, all named after each county of Ireland. The 32 dishes I invented, but give the PR (bullshit) that the dishes were all ancient Irish recipes, taken from each county. When I started there was very little Irish tourist then, so nobody was any the wiser. A couple of years later when the Irish did start to appear, still nobody was any the wiser, that is except one...there's always fucking one isn't there?

On the menu was €˜The Donegal Fish pie,' this was red snapper in a creamy mushroom sauce, top with champ (mash potatoes with spring onions) with a paprika and cheese topping, and very popular. And of course in walks a fellow Irish man from Donegal, and as he glanced through the menu, he burst out laughing, "What's so funny boy?" "This! Donegal fish pie." "...And! What about it?" "Well I€˜m from Donegal, and I've never heard of it." "Surely you must have! Or are you one of them there immigrants from Dublin, that's just moved up there in the past few years?" "No, no, generation after generation as far back as the records go." "Then surely you must remember your mother making it for you when you were a kid? For god sake order it, and see if it jog's your memory."

So he's sitting there and got stuck in eating it, "God Paul this tastes brilliant" "Well...do you remember you mother making it for you?" "No Paul I don't." "Ah then...she mustn't have been much of a cook then?" "Ah emm well, no she wasn't...just simple food she cooked, she wouldn't have been able to make this." "Well I can't understand it, that recipe has been handed down form generation to generation, and famous! Maybe your grandmother made it for you eh?" "Grandmother? ...Oh wait a minute! Come to think of it...I can remember my grandmother making it...Yes, yes, I remember now all right...god Paul sorry for doubting you." "Ahk sure that's all right... Just get me a beer and we'll forget all about it eh." "Give that man Paul a beer, my bin!"

What's in a Name?

Now we ran two bars, she (the Witch) would take care of Soi 2, and I would concentrate in building up the business in the Mick O'Mouse. The license was in Renée's wife's name and was called €˜Mickey Mouse bar'. I changed the name to give it an Irish twang to it, and besides that there was a €˜Mickey Mouse bar' in Soi 8, and a German €˜Mickey Maus bar' on the beach road.

Well one afternoon I saw this little shit from city hall standing outside looking up at the sign, and writing something on a clip board. "What's up with you mate?" "You change name, you change name...you must pay 50,000 baht, for change name!" Now the Thai translation on the sign was still €˜Mickey Mouse', and normally they would just go by that, but this guy was a bit over educated for the job, and was well versed in English. So it was think fast Paul, to get out of paying this 50,000 baht.

"No, no, no, you got it all wrong mate!" As the list of names was all in alphabetical order, the three bars were listed one after the other, on his clip board. "Look you see this bar on Soi 8, (pointing out the name on his list) €˜Mickey Mouse'...The owner is English" "Koh jai khrap (I understand in Thai)" "Now you see this bar on the beach road, €˜Mickey Maus'......That owner is German, so he spells it in German, but the Thai translation is the same!" "Aow khrap, koh jai" "Well I am from Ireland...and that's how we spell it in my language. You see the €˜O' means €˜E' in my language, so it's still €˜Mickey Mouse'" "Ahhhhhhh I undersa-tend now, Irish! I never know this language before...Can you sa-peak some, to let me hear it?" So I gave him the first line of the Lord's prayer, which was all I could remember, and sent him on his way happy as Larry.

Why Pay Tax?

We had the Mick O'Mouse for almost six years, and never paid any taxes, although we got raided by the Chonburi tax office every six months. The first time I went around the corner to rent out some videos, they came in and asked for the boss, and the wife told them I was in Singapore on a visa run. The next time they raided, I told them I only took over the bar the week before and just opened that day. Another time we played them on bad communications, as the head of the raid asked me in Thai where were my books, "What was that?" "Where books?" "No sorry I don't understand a word your saying mate." Then he would turn to the wife and ask her, to translate he wanted to see my books, and she would answer, "Don't look at me...I'm just the cashier, and only started to work here two weeks ago...and I can't speak English." Then he would get so frustrated, pfffff, and walk out in a huff.

It became a cat and mouse game, until eventually while 6-8 of them raided other bars, and closing them down for a month, for what ever reason, I just got the team leader strolling in on his own asking, "Well what's the excuse this time?" So we would give him one out of the hat, and he would just burst out laughing, shake his head, and casually walk out. I think we were ear marked back in the tax office, for being comedians or something.

€˜The raiders of the lost taxes', came up with a good one during this time, this was the rubber stamp tax. They would come in with this rubber stamp they invented, and stamp all the spirit bottles, stating that anyone caught without a stamp on the next raid, would be fined 3,000 baht per bottle. So we just kept the bottles with the stamps on, and just refilled them, but other owners were caught with 3-4 or more bottles without stamps, and were paying out 20,000-30,000 fines. But as we found out later, this was all a scam, and wasn't legal. The rubber stamp scam was invented by them to earn some extra income, and money from the fines was divided among themselves.

It was all uncovered when a wealthy Thai business man walked into the Chonburi tax office to sort out a problem, and found the place empty, only the cleaners were there. He asked where everyone was, and the cleaners replied that they were all on holiday, in Spain, London, Paris, Hong Kong and so on. Knowing they all shouldn't be able to afford this, he blew the whistle on them, to the authorities in Bangkok.

A percentage of them were jailed, and a large percent of them were fired, including the chief, and a small percent of the innocent was allowed to stay on, including the team leader that normally raids my bar. Those who were jailed and fired, had all to be replaced, and gave us all a break from the raids.

One quiet night, the wife and I was sitting outside the bar having a drink, when we spotted the team leader, walking down the street with another man. As they came closer to us he saw us and started to laugh, and whispered in the other mans ear. They were both laughing when they reached the bar, and we invited them to sit down for a drink. The team leader introduced the other man, who was the new chief of the Chonburi tax office, and he was giving him a night tour of Pattaya.

"I was just telling the new chief about you two" "What about us?" "Ah, all the excuses you gave us" And started to rhyme off all the excuses we gave him in the past, and we were all pissing ourselves laughing at them, so I said to the new chief, "I wish you would stop that man from raiding us all the time" "Why?" "Because I'm running out of excuses" "Ha, ha Paul you're a funny guy." Then they got up to carry on with the tour, and the wife asked, "So when will you be back?" "Ha, ha, we don't tell you that, but maybe soon". And as they walked away laughing, she shouted after them, "Aye! I suppose you'll not be back until you need another holiday in Spain" Boy did that wipe the smiles off their faces, and needless to say, since then we never got raided, while everyone else in the street was.

About six months after I first met Tukta, she came to me one day and told me she had a 7 year old son Benz, who was living with her mother in Bangkok and going to school there. Well that was a nice surprise, and naturally I supported him. But then another six months down the line, she surprised me yet again, with another 6 year old son Folk, I was told the father was a gangster in prison doing life for murder. So I didn't mind at all supporting them both. I guess she was afraid to tell me up front about them, in case it would put me off her.

Also as she was tall and attractive, for years I was getting comment from old friends that never met her before, "Who's that Paul?" "That's the wife!" "Your what? Wife? Why the hell did you go and marry a Ladyboy for?" She stuck out of the crowd that much, everybody thought she really was a Ladyboy, until they got to know her. I might as well just have married a Ladyboy straight off the bat, as it wouldn't have made any difference to my friends at that time.

The Monkey House

One evening I went to pick up Tukta at Soi 2 around 1am on my Honda. It was rainy season so she had an umbrella with her, and jumped on the back, and driving up the beach road I felt a tugging on my shoulder. First I thought it was her acting the fool, then I looked down beside me and saw the front wheel of another motorcycle, almost rubbing against my knee, and someone ripping my shirt off trying to pull me off the bike, and yes it was two fuckers trying to rob us. The other went for my wife's 3 baht (Thai weight for gold) gold necklace, but missed, and got the collar of her blouse and more or less ripped it off, but she managed to stab him a couple of times with the 4 inch point of the umbrella, and I really mean stab, and the guy let out a scream, they both gave up and took off. I stopped for a second to see if she was all right, and then took off after them, but they had a faster bike than mine.

So reaching Soi 9 police station, we quickly went in and told them what just happened. The police chief was there and we sat with him in his office, while they were out looking for these thieves, and about 15 minutes later they were caught. We had to wait until they were brought in to identify them. But during this time as the three of us sat in his office, the chief ask me where I was from, and I told him Ireland. "Ireland! Beautiful country...I know many things about Ireland." That surprised me as most Thais didn't know it was on the map. "You have in Ireland many ghosts...and little magic people there, right?" "Oh yes, there is that many you'd be tripping over them" "And you have a lucky stick!" Realizing he was talking about a Shillelagh I said, "Yes it's called a Shillelagh, very lucky in deed." "Can you get me one? Maybe you can get one sent over."

I told him I had one hung up in the bar, and I would bring it to him the next afternoon, and he was over the moon about that. So the next day I didn't forget, thinking if I had a police chief as a friend, I couldn't get any problems, so I gave him the Shillelagh saying, "There you go...... There's that lucky stick you wanted ...... Now it will bring you good luck." He couldn't thank me enough.

Flashback; Remember the way I first came to Pattaya, and about the Bangkok police, and the Pattaya police watching. Well that must have been noted down some where. Because not two hours later, after I gave him the Shillelagh, the Bangkok special branch arrested him on corruption charges. And as I was basically the last one to talk with him, they were trying to put two and two together. The rest of the day the cops were driving by my bar, stopping and glancing in, not with anger or frowns, but with worried looks on their faces.

I knew how they were thinking, as back when I had the bar in Nana Plaza, I had two western friends that were in the Thai special branch, we nick-named it the sonat department (dog department). They were solely for the purpose to go undercover to catch out corrupted cops; they couldn't use Thai's as they were too obvious, and using westerners posing as tourists, got better results. But it was very dangerous the shit they had to do, and the two I knew were very depressed and suicidal. But I got enough info on how they worked.

I got arrested two times, once for fighting a couple of yobos in walking street, and I can't remember the reason for the other, but they both resulted in the same way. I would be locked up, and the next morning, the new police chief would come in and checked the list of who was arrested the night before, and when he saw my name on the list, he would run up stairs to the cages and shout, "Is Mr. Paul here?" And my hand would be up behind the crowd of prisoners, receiving food from family and friends through the bars, as the food in there was like dog shit, and nobody ate it. "Yep! I'm still here". And the police chief would say, "Get out! ...we don't want your sort in here". Ordering the guard to unlock the gate to get me out, and as I past him, he would hand me the arrest forms, which had been ripped out of the book, "Here you can do what you want with them!"

They must have thought I was getting arrested on purpose to see if I could catch them out on corruption, when it came to pay under the table to get out. But that was nothing until I got arrested for the third time, and got deported. The sparks where flying then.

[Chinaman]

(Nemisis @ Feb. 27 2010,15:32) But thans for the idea though

As I said, very generous of you. Thanks and I am looking forward to an interesting read ...

Cheers
CM

[Guest]

its a great read paul...the first line from the lord's prayer indeed.....

[Chinaman]

Hi Nemisis,

I haven't done desktop publishing for a while, so I am a bit rusty. I converted the first 10 chapters of yr book into a layouted pdf if some prefer to read such instead of the text in the forum. Hope that is ok with you. But as you said you would like to offer it 4 free ... ;-)

I hope it uploads ok here, file size is only 216 kb, done in Pages on a Mac but that should not matter ...

I also ul 2 preview pages but these are jpgs ...

Let me know whether you want me to add the other chqapters as you ul them or rather not ...

Cheers
CM

[Chinaman]

the mentioned 2 preview pages as jpgs ...

[Chinaman]

51 pages so far - for Ch 1 - 10

[strocube]

I just went ahead and ordered a copy. It looks like interesting reading.
Congratulations on getting it done and published.

[Nemisis]

(strocube @ Feb. 28 2010,03:08) I just went ahead and ordered a copy. It looks like interesting reading.
Congratulations on getting it done and published.  

Good man there Strobe,

Thanks very much for doing that, and I hope you enjoy it......... glad you told me as I can see the sales, but I don't know from who.

I'll have to buy you a beer,

Cheers good buddy

[strocube]

No worries, man.
You'll have to sign my copy when we meet up for a beer.

[Nemisis]

(travis bickle @ Feb. 28 2010,00:09) its a great read  paul...the first line from the lord's prayer indeed.....  

Cheers Travis,

Ya have to always look on the bright side of life........ in'nt!......lol

[Nemisis]

(strocube @ Feb. 28 2010,03:59) No worries, man.
You'll have to sign my copy when we meet up for a beer.    

That's a date for sure Strobe

[Nemisis]

(Chinaman @ Feb. 28 2010,01:00) Hi Nemisis,

I haven't done desktop publishing for a while, so I am a bit rusty. I converted the first 10 chapters of yr book into a layouted pdf if some prefer to read such instead of the text in the forum. Hope that is ok with you. But as you said you would like to offer it 4 free ... ;-)

I hope it uploads ok here, file size is only 216 kb, done in Pages on a Mac but that should not matter ...

I also ul 2 preview pages but these are jpgs ...

Let me know whether you want me to add the other chqapters as you ul them or rather not ...

Cheers
CM

Thanks for the effort Chinaman

But I would like to see a few more books sold here in this forum........ I would hate to think there will be only a few pennies going too the kids, after all this effort.

Cheers good buddy