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http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/02/us/02child.html?
(you might need to register to view the article but I cut and paste some of it below)
Supporting Boys or Girls When the Line Isn€™t Clear
OAKLAND, Calif., Dec. 1 €” Until recently, many children who did not conform to gender norms in their clothing or behavior and identified intensely with the opposite sex were steered to psychoanalysis or behavior modification.
Dr. Kenneth Zucker, a psychologist at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, encourages children to be content with their gender.
But as advocates gain ground for what they call gender-identity rights, evidenced most recently by New York City€™s decision to let people alter the sex listed on their birth certificates, a major change is taking place among schools and families. Children as young as 5 who display predispositions to dress like the opposite sex are being supported by a growing number of young parents, educators and mental health professionals.
Doctors, some of them from the top pediatric hospitals, have begun to advise families to let these children be €œwho they are€ to foster a sense of security and self-esteem. They are motivated, in part, by the high incidence of depression, suicidal feelings and self-mutilation that has been common in past generations of transgender children. Legal trends suggest that schools are now required to respect parents€™ decisions.
€œFirst we became sensitive to two mommies and two daddies,€ said Reynaldo Almeida, the director of the Aurora School, a progressive private school in Oakland. €œNow it€™s kids who come to school who aren€™t gender typical.€
The supportive attitudes are far easier to find in traditionally tolerant areas of the country like San Francisco than in other parts, but even in those places there is fierce debate over how best to handle the children.
Cassandra Reese, a first-grade teacher outside Boston, recalled that fellow teachers were unnerved when a young boy showed up in a skirt. €œThey said, €˜This is not normal,€™ and, €˜It€™s the parents€™ fault,€™ € Ms. Reese said. €œThey didn€™t see children as sophisticated enough to verbalize their feelings.€
As their children head into adolescence, some parents are choosing to block puberty medically to buy time for them to figure out who they are €” raising a host of ethical questions.
While these children are still relatively rare, doctors say the number of referrals is rising across the nation. Massachusetts, Minnesota, California, New Jersey and the District of Columbia have laws protecting the rights of transgender students, and some schools are engaged in a steep learning curve to dismantle gender stereotypes.
At the Park Day School in Oakland, teachers are taught a gender-neutral vocabulary and are urged to line up students by sneaker color rather than by gender. €œWe are careful not to create a situation where students are being boxed in,€ said Tom Little, the school€™s director. €œWe allow them to move back and forth until something feels right.€
For families, it can be a long, emotional adjustment. Shortly after her son€™s third birthday, Pam B. and her husband, Joel, began a parental journey for which there was no map. It started when their son, J., began wearing oversized T-shirts and wrapping a towel around his head to emulate long, flowing hair. Then came his mothers€™ silky undershirts. Half a year into preschool, J. started becoming agitated when asked to wear boys€™ clothing.
En route to a mall with her son, Ms. B. had an epiphany: €œIt just clicked in me. I said, €˜You really want to wear a dress, don€™t you?€™ €
Thus began what the B.€™s, who asked their full names not be used to protect their son€™s privacy, call €œthe reluctant path,€ a behind-closed-doors struggle to come to terms with a gender-variant child €” a spirited 5-year-old boy who, at least for now, strongly identifies as a girl, requests to be called €œshe€ and asks to wear pigtails and pink jumpers to school.
Ms. B., 41, a lawyer, accepted the way her son defined himself after she and her husband consulted with a psychologist and observed his newfound comfort with his choice. But she feels the precarious nature of the day-to-day reality. €œIt€™s hard to convey the relentlessness of it, she said, €œevery social encounter, every time you go out to eat, every day feeling like a balance between your kid€™s self-esteem and protecting him from the hostile outside world.€
The prospect of cross-dressing kindergartners has sparked a deep philosophical divide among professionals over how best to counsel families. Is it healthier for families to follow the child€™s lead, or to spare children potential humiliation and isolation by steering them toward accepting their biological gender until they are older?
(you might need to register to view the article but I cut and paste some of it below)
Supporting Boys or Girls When the Line Isn€™t Clear
OAKLAND, Calif., Dec. 1 €” Until recently, many children who did not conform to gender norms in their clothing or behavior and identified intensely with the opposite sex were steered to psychoanalysis or behavior modification.
Dr. Kenneth Zucker, a psychologist at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, encourages children to be content with their gender.
But as advocates gain ground for what they call gender-identity rights, evidenced most recently by New York City€™s decision to let people alter the sex listed on their birth certificates, a major change is taking place among schools and families. Children as young as 5 who display predispositions to dress like the opposite sex are being supported by a growing number of young parents, educators and mental health professionals.
Doctors, some of them from the top pediatric hospitals, have begun to advise families to let these children be €œwho they are€ to foster a sense of security and self-esteem. They are motivated, in part, by the high incidence of depression, suicidal feelings and self-mutilation that has been common in past generations of transgender children. Legal trends suggest that schools are now required to respect parents€™ decisions.
€œFirst we became sensitive to two mommies and two daddies,€ said Reynaldo Almeida, the director of the Aurora School, a progressive private school in Oakland. €œNow it€™s kids who come to school who aren€™t gender typical.€
The supportive attitudes are far easier to find in traditionally tolerant areas of the country like San Francisco than in other parts, but even in those places there is fierce debate over how best to handle the children.
Cassandra Reese, a first-grade teacher outside Boston, recalled that fellow teachers were unnerved when a young boy showed up in a skirt. €œThey said, €˜This is not normal,€™ and, €˜It€™s the parents€™ fault,€™ € Ms. Reese said. €œThey didn€™t see children as sophisticated enough to verbalize their feelings.€
As their children head into adolescence, some parents are choosing to block puberty medically to buy time for them to figure out who they are €” raising a host of ethical questions.
While these children are still relatively rare, doctors say the number of referrals is rising across the nation. Massachusetts, Minnesota, California, New Jersey and the District of Columbia have laws protecting the rights of transgender students, and some schools are engaged in a steep learning curve to dismantle gender stereotypes.
At the Park Day School in Oakland, teachers are taught a gender-neutral vocabulary and are urged to line up students by sneaker color rather than by gender. €œWe are careful not to create a situation where students are being boxed in,€ said Tom Little, the school€™s director. €œWe allow them to move back and forth until something feels right.€
For families, it can be a long, emotional adjustment. Shortly after her son€™s third birthday, Pam B. and her husband, Joel, began a parental journey for which there was no map. It started when their son, J., began wearing oversized T-shirts and wrapping a towel around his head to emulate long, flowing hair. Then came his mothers€™ silky undershirts. Half a year into preschool, J. started becoming agitated when asked to wear boys€™ clothing.
En route to a mall with her son, Ms. B. had an epiphany: €œIt just clicked in me. I said, €˜You really want to wear a dress, don€™t you?€™ €
Thus began what the B.€™s, who asked their full names not be used to protect their son€™s privacy, call €œthe reluctant path,€ a behind-closed-doors struggle to come to terms with a gender-variant child €” a spirited 5-year-old boy who, at least for now, strongly identifies as a girl, requests to be called €œshe€ and asks to wear pigtails and pink jumpers to school.
Ms. B., 41, a lawyer, accepted the way her son defined himself after she and her husband consulted with a psychologist and observed his newfound comfort with his choice. But she feels the precarious nature of the day-to-day reality. €œIt€™s hard to convey the relentlessness of it, she said, €œevery social encounter, every time you go out to eat, every day feeling like a balance between your kid€™s self-esteem and protecting him from the hostile outside world.€
The prospect of cross-dressing kindergartners has sparked a deep philosophical divide among professionals over how best to counsel families. Is it healthier for families to follow the child€™s lead, or to spare children potential humiliation and isolation by steering them toward accepting their biological gender until they are older?
